Pre-Emptive Strike
By Mitch Berg
In an open thread at Clots Nation Kool Aid Report, Sisyphus – the Paul McCartney to the Nihilist’s John Lennon at putatively-conservative, City Pages-endorsed “Nihilist in Golf Pants”, left a chilling portent:
Mitch Berg better watch his step, because I’ve found the perfect Separated At Birth for him and I’m just waiting for the perfect moment to unleash it.
Pre-emptive action is in order.
I’ve been given a number of “Separated at Births” in my life.
In high school – when I was a tad thinner and hairier, of course – I got compared with this guy quite a bit:
That’d be James Honeyman-Scott of the Pretenders, and a couple of people back then noticed a resemblance – a similitude which, unfortunately, extended to looking like I had the same drug habit as did the Pretenders’ guitarist. (For the record, no, I didn’t. I’ve never used an illegal drug in my life. I just looked I was shooting up). On the upside, at least I didn’t look like Pete Farndon.
A little later? Well, let’s stay among guitar players. I was told, a little more recently, that I resembled this guy:
The guy on the left, I mean – Dan Kramer of Soul Asylum. That’s the good news. The bad news – that’s more or less how I looked in college, 20-odd years ago, while that’s a pretty recent picture of Kramer. (The black guy, second from right, has appeared in this blog before, too).
Time choogled on. And the one separated at birth I’ve gotten lately – from cow-orkers, friends, even my own daughter – would be this guy:
That’s Jim Kramer, of CNBC’s “Mad Money”, and yes, that’s a spitting image, for better or worse. I could almost use his face on the online personals and not be guilty of any fraud, quite frankly.
So which of us is this?
I’ll never tell.
So what does Sisyphus have in mind for an SAB?
Does it matter?
I think not.
February 21st, 2007 at 9:04 am
The tub boy is NOT Jim Cramer. Jim knows all about making money and, presumably, spending it wisely. He’d be grinning like a speed demon in the tub, knowing that he has plenty of money stashed away, with more to come.
How can you tell that it’s Mitch? Just read his face. He’s not a happy man. He’s thinking, “What the hell am I doing here? I’ve got a frickin’ mortgage! I can’t believe I blew a whole month of lunch money just to take a bath with these ho’s!”
The realization dawned on him just a little too late.
February 21st, 2007 at 11:15 am
Angryclown still can’t help picturing you as Joey Ramone.
February 21st, 2007 at 11:23 am
Right height, wrong hair.
February 21st, 2007 at 11:30 am
Well you pictured me as Wallace Shawn, so you’re batting 0 for 2.
February 21st, 2007 at 1:23 pm
Nope, none of those. Jim Cramer is the only one of those who looks like you. You can’t just choose your favorite musicians and say that someone once said you were an SAB with them.
I was thinking more of an historical figure who may well be an ancestor. Since you probably won’t be able to rest until you know, I will reveal it later tonight.
February 21st, 2007 at 1:48 pm
who looks like you.
I believe I was clear in noting the past tense nature of these SABs. Although I realize than when the City Pages endorses you, you don’t need reading comprehension any more…
you probably won’t be able to rest
That’d be incorrect.