Depreciated
By Mitch Berg
SCENE: Mitch BERG is fixing some broken chain link fence. Avery LIBRELLE pedals down the alley on a recumbent bike, catching him by surprise.
LIBRELLE: Merg!
BERG: Ugh…er, hey, Av…
LIBRELLE: Shut up. Billionaires are evil.
BERG: Huh. So why’s that…
LIBRELLE: They pay no taxes! It’s wrong for a billionaire to pay less taxes than a teaching assistant!
BERG: Their employees and subsidiary businesses pay immense taxes – and they personally defray taxes by using deductions and business losses – same as your progressive plutocrats.
LIBRELLE: That’s just wrong.
BERG: OK. Put a pin in that. Did you see where Ilhan Omar’s personal fortune dropped from $30 million down to well under $100K?
LIBRELLE: Yeah? So? It was an accounting error.
BERG: Right. The error being that the accountant didn’t consider…what, now?
LIBRELLE: Deductions and…
BERG: Go on?
LIBRELLE: (Mouth flaps like a trout on the dock)
BERG: Same as the billionaires, right?
LIBRELLE: Pouncer!
BERG: Nah. But if we find out that her and Hubby Number Four used that “mistaken” valuation to get credit, I’ll be pouncing….
(But LIBRELLE has already pedaled away)
And SCENE
