Words. Just Words.
By Mitch Berg
SCENE: A (probably) fictional meeting at the StarTribune editorial board. Servants bustle about, gathering cocktail glasses and the picked over remains of lobster from the table. Publisher Steve GROVE presides, as David BANKS, Jill BURCUM, Scott GILLESPIE, Denise JOHNSON, Patricia LOPEZ, John RASH, D.J. TICE and CEO Michael J. KLINGENSMITH slowly focus their attention.
GROVE: OK. So someone asked me – what is the current term to refer to an ill…er, to someone who has migrated to the United States without legal authorization?
TICE: It’s been “Undocumented Migrant” for about 20 years now.
KLINGENSMITH: The consensus is that’s too pejorative. We need a new one.
GROVE: No bad ideas, here, people.
BURCUM: How about “trans-national Americans”?
RASH: Oooh, I like that. “Trans-national Americans are real Americans”. (Murmurs of assent)
GILLESPIE: Border victims.
JOHNSON: Oooh, nice.
GROVE: OK. Good ideas, here. We’ll work on it. Now – we’ve had a question about the term “soldier”. Of course, soldiers have guarded this nation’s freedom…
LOPEZ: (hisses contemptuously)
GROVE: I know, I know, work with me, here. That’s the baggage – a lot of the F150 driving “big yard” set…
LOPEZ: ( hisses contempuously again)
GROVE: …think “Soldier” is an honorable term in our society.
BURCUM: ( giggles)
GROVE: So how about this piece here?
GROVE: Any problems using “Soldier” to refer both to someone defending this country…
LOPEZ: ( hisses contempuously yet again)
GROVE: …and a knee-buster for a cartel?
(Uncomprehending stares from the entire board, except for…)
TICE: Uh, that seems…
GILLESPIE: We’re good!
GROVE: OK. Moving right along…
And SCENE
March 29th, 2024 at 5:03 pm
Sure, we’re going to connect a soulless person who sells drugs that kill in extremely small doses with our soldiers, who are at least supposed to be trying to protect the lives, liberties, and property of our people. Totally equivalent.
Really, as I contemplate the death toll of drugs lately–100k per year, including my niece 16 months back–I’m warming up to the Singaporean model of caning for moderate drug offenses and execution for big ones. And, of course, a big beautiful border fence to at least make it more difficult to get that c**p into the country.
March 30th, 2024 at 1:49 am
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March 30th, 2024 at 9:13 am
Since it’s the weekend and we need to fill time, I’ll take the contrary position.
The War on Drugs is unconstitutional. Nothing in the Constitution gives the federal government the power to legislate based on morality (cocaine is bad, alcohol is questionable, tobacco is good so long as you pay the tax). States probably have the Constitutional power to act but most of them are like Minnesota – more interested in tax revenue than personal accountability.
The War on Drugs repeats the mistakes of the War on Demon Rum. Prohibition didn’t fail for lack of resources, it failed because public demand for alcohol outweighed public demand for sobriety. The War on Drugs is failing for the same reason – too many customers, too much money to be made.
Singapore is different from America. Their population is the same as Minnesota but they are crammed into an area smaller than the Twin Cities and located on an island with well-patrolled borders. The population has been conditioned to accept restrictions Americans would never tolerate. What works for them won’t work for us.
The solution is not harsher enforcement but legalization. Yes, this means thousands more will become addicted and die. Can’t be helped. Can’t hold every young person’s hand to lead them to safe behavior. Lectures by adults have marginal value (“This is your brain on drugs” never dissuaded anybody). Kids need to see the consequences of risky behavior so the message sinks in. They need to see their friends die. That’s how young humans learn.
Things are bad now but they’re going to get a whole lot worse before they get better. Time to stop pretending. Time for a reality check.
March 31st, 2024 at 8:10 am
Speaking of words, with all the modern emphasis on pronouns (he, him) and adjectives (not “illegal” but “undocumented”), students today must be experts at sentence diagramming.
My 8th grade English teacher would be so happy.
April 1st, 2024 at 8:41 am
John,
You have some great points.
Governments don’t really care if you brew your own hooch, as long as it’s doesn’t kill or permanently disable someone. It’s the fact that you’re not paying taxes on it that pisses them off. Just for grins, I would like to distill some spirits and send a money order for taxes, into the IRS with a note that told them what it was for. I’m betting that if they tried to find me at all, it would take them years to do so.