Open Letter To The Mostly Peaceful Fireworks Kids Of Minneapolis
By Mitch Berg
To: All You Kids Shooting Off Fireworks In Residential Neighborhoods
From: Mitch Berg, Obstreporous Peasant
Re: A Modest Proposal
I’m talking about you kids:
Now, we’ve got some people around the Twin Cities who’re chanting “relax – it’s just teenagers blowing of steam. It’s what teenagers do”.
I’ve noticed there’s about a 100% correlation between people who say that and people who wore masks along while walking down empty streets, and called the cops at the governor’s snitch line when they saw someone without a mask.
Speaking of which – here’s my proposal.
Shoot off all the fireworks you want – in the neighborhoods marked blue, below:
They’re the ones that voted “Yes” on defunding the police in 2021.
They’re the neighborhoods with an “In This House…” signs out front.
Please observe the following guidelines by color:
- Brown, Tan, Olive: No fireworks.
- Light blue: Firecrackers (individually or by the package)
- Medium blue: Bottle rockets, up to and including screamers.
- Dark blue: Everything you’ve got. Mortars, big Roman Candles, the works.
Deal?
That is all.
July 6th, 2023 at 1:07 pm
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July 6th, 2023 at 1:11 pm
I can see where a citizen already feeling anxious about shootings and car-jackings in Minneapolis gets surprised by firecrackers going off and thinks he’s taking fire – and hits the gas, loses control, and careens into some pedestrians or “spectators”. Even if the driver gets beaten into paste by the other spectators, brace yourselves for another round of peaceful arsons.
July 6th, 2023 at 1:37 pm
So, where were these fireworks being “shot off” on the Fourth? Were the locations all that far away your proposed ones? I mean, are there any neighborhoods, or even just wards in Mpls that don’t deserve a visit from these scamps (just blowing off steam)?
July 6th, 2023 at 1:46 pm
JDM,
I believe I heard Boom Island was one of the focal points… again.
I doubt there were any hooligans shooting off fireworks in the blue precincts. Those areas probably had the more normal amount of local residents firing off the typical amount of fireworks, including a limited number of “worthwhile” illegal fireworks smuggled in from Wisconsin.
July 6th, 2023 at 2:46 pm
From Alpha News,
For the second year in a row, Minneapolis quickly descended into lawlessness as dark set in on Independence Day with mobs of juveniles shooting fireworks at police, civilians, homes, and vehicles in Dinkytown, the Mill District, Boom Island, Minnehaha Park, and the south Minneapolis lakes area.
Doesn’t this description of the areas under fire more or less match those proposed in this post?
July 6th, 2023 at 2:53 pm
” . . . Dinkytown, the Mill District, Boom Island, Minnehaha Park, and the south Minneapolis lakes area.” Proving once again that poverty is the root of criminal behavior, those being the roughest, poorest, most desperate and desolate areas of the city.
Er, wait . . . no, they’re not.
Well, then, it must be Trump. Or systemic White racism. Or lack of access to affordable health care. Something, anything, other than pure and simple hooliganism. Because that would mean criminal behavior is a choice and bad choices should be punished to deter them in the future, but we’re not doing that which would mean that everything the City has been doing for the last three years is . . .
. . . wrong.
July 6th, 2023 at 5:47 pm
I was directing those kids fun in realtime, using snapchat (I speak fluent Somalian), from a comfortable chair on the dock of my palatial estate on Lake Minnetonka.
I was doing it to amuse my neighbors, Liam Nisan, Ed âspudsâ Mckensey and Sean Neinow while we enjoyed snifters of a rare old one.
It was good fun.
July 6th, 2023 at 7:46 pm
Speaking of âfireworksâ in the hands of childrenâŚ
âBiden Weighs Giving Ukraine Weapons Banned by Many U.S. Allies
Ukraine is seeking cluster munitions, which are known to cause grievous injuries to civilians, as its ammunition supply runs low.â
Everyone knew this was coming. The Ukes are getting hammered. Their offensive is a disaster. Theyâve burned through almost all of NATOâs ready ammunition, and the Russians are tearing up all the fancy new armor the Ukes have been gifted.
So now, itâs time to show what Weimerica is willing to do to protect buttsex, child trafficking and money launderingâŚ.anything.
These munitions have killed tens of thousands of kids worldwide. The dud bomblets lay around for decades, until some little mud bug picks one up to play with it and WHAM! Off comes the hand, or the arm, or the head.
This is fineâŚright PatriotsŠď¸?
July 6th, 2023 at 7:52 pm
Iâd be remiss not to acknowledge that the Ukes made wide use of cluster bombs during the 2 years they shelled the shit out of the Donbass before the Russians stepped in to stop them. So it will come as no surprise they want more now.
Whatâs the over and under on them using nerve gas, or, heyâŚ.. bio weapons? How many bio weapon labs were there being funded and run by the US?
Remember PatriotsŠď¸. None of this would have happened if the degenerates had not stolen the election. ButâŚ.mean tweets.
July 7th, 2023 at 9:54 am
âBiden Weighs Giving Ukraine Weapons Banned by Many U.S. Alliesâ
That will work well, thank you. While these are not nice weapons in the parochial concept of principles-based warfare between imaginary gentlemen and women. In this case Ukraine is defending itself against rapists, torturers, child traffickers and mass murderers of civilians. Go scatter those bombs across all Russian trenches and troops.
Seems to me â Putin could end the war today if they withdrew.
The Russians are still in a delusional world where they are still having the unlikely view that Ukraine will negotiate away any part of their territory, which is simply not going to happen.
We must continue to support the Ukrainians, as it’s morally the right thing to do, and it will also stop future Russian aggression, which is clearly in our own interest.
July 7th, 2023 at 12:06 pm
âBiden Weighs Giving Ukraine Weapons Banned by Many U.S. Alliesâ
That will work well, thank you. While these are not nice weapons in the parochial concept of principles-based warfare between imaginary gentlemen and women. In this case Ukraine is defending itself against rapists, torturers, child traffickers and mass murderers of civilians. Go scatter those bombs across all Russian trenches and troops.
Shorter Emery: “The ends justify the means”. The same logic applies to potentially violating the civil rights of Emery’s rent-free tenant in order to imprison him. It’s banana-republic-level s**t.
We’re either a nation of laws or a nation of men. I opt for the former, since some of us can’t define the latter.
July 7th, 2023 at 7:41 pm
So, you endorse blowing kids up with banned weapons of mass destruction, rAT. Well thatâs understandable, since itâs being done to preserve child molestation In particular and debauchery in general.
And I guess when your president is an incestious pedophile, becoming a war criminal isn’t much of a leap.
But tell us, rATty old chum; what are your neighbors up there on the fuckowee tribe reservation gonna think about your support for war crimes? Perhaps, no more late nite canoe trips across your muddy, mosquito infested little pond to join them for firewater, fry bread and a little dirt worshiping?
Will you still get credit down at Floydâs town pump and grocery?
July 7th, 2023 at 7:43 pm
So, you endorse blowing kids up with banned weapons of mass destruction, rAT. Well thatâs understandable, since itâs being done to preserve child pestering In particular and debauchery in general.
And I guess when your president is an acknowledged daughter humper, becoming a war criminal isnât much of a leap.
But tell us, rATty old chum; what are your neighbors up there on the fuckowee tribe reservation gonna think about your support for war crimes? Perhaps, no more late nite canoe trips across your muddy, mosquito infested little pond to join them for firewater, fry bread and a little dirt worshiping?
Will you still get credit down at Floydâs town pump and grocery?
July 7th, 2023 at 7:55 pm
Hey rAT; whoâs the headliner at the Fuckowee casino this weekend? They get the Svey brothers from Hill City again? I hear theyâre real good.
Gonna drag the olâ ER Nurse up there for some beers and pizza before heading back to mud bog acres for a little Berkely horse roundup?
July 7th, 2023 at 7:56 pm
Hey rAT; whoâs the headliner at the Fuckowee casino this weekend? They get the Svey brothers from Hill City again? I hear theyâre real good, ya.
Gonna drag the olâ ER Nurse up there for some beers and pizza before heading back to mud bug acres for a little Berkely horse roundup?
July 7th, 2023 at 7:59 pm
Hey rAT; whoâs the headliner at the res casino this weekend? They get the Svey brothers from Hill City again? I hear theyâre real good, ya.
Gonna drag the olâ ER Nurse up there for some slots, beers and pizza before heading back to muddy acres for a little Berkely horse roundup?
The fun never ends in the mosquito factory, does it?
July 8th, 2023 at 12:14 pm
Why are SiTDâs Russia supporters getting so upset about this? I thought they said Russia was on the brink of victory?
Considering the cluster munitions will be used on Ukrainian soil, the choice to use them is theirs to make.
This simply highlights that the west will ramp up supplies of military equipment and weapons until Ukraine wins this war. There is plenty more in the goody bag, from ATACMS to F16s.