SCENE: The year is 2028. Mitch BERG has just been sworn in as governor of Minnesota, via a series of happenstances too bizarre to go into. He is speaking to a press conference.
BERG: As the first phase of my plan, as promised, I’m directing the state Department of Education to begin mandatory instruction in grades K-12, and in state post-secondary schools, of “Critical Marksmanship Theory”.
“CMT” teaches a few tenets that are vital for a child’s moral and social development:
- It teaches them the essentials of the Second Amendment – how it deters tyranny.
- Children will learn, as part of that, that throughout American history, from the Revolution through the Civil Rights movement to the “Anti”-Fa War of 2026, those with firearms have been the ones able to defend their, and their neighbors’, freedom.
- Kids will learn that, throughout our history, the right to keep and bear arms has been a bellwether for the state of liberty, and a key defining line between citizenship and subjection.
- It teaches that societies that exalt and propagate marksmanship are superior, more free, more prosperous and more inclusive than those that don’t.
- It teaches kids the essentials firearm safety, which should slash the number of accidental shootings of children.
- Finallly, it teaches kids – all kids, from all backgrounds, races, creeds, genders – how to shoot, enabling them to participate in shooting sports, self-defense, and of course the main intent of the Second Amendment, deterring tyranny.
This will begin in the second semester of this school year, which starts (checks watch) tomorrow.
Questions?
MYLYSSA SILBERMAN (Reporter for National Public Radio’s Saint Paul bureau, covering the “Fake News” and “Diversity” beats): Yes, Mr. Berg…
BERG: Governor.
SILBERMAN (Winces): Right. Governor Berg. What if parents object to teaching kids how to shoot, and all this history about guns?
BERG: Teachers know better than parents. Next…you.
LEAKY THE BEAGLE (A dog, writing under a pseudonym for the (possibly fictional) progressive blog “MinnesotaLiberalAlliance.Blogspot.com“. ) Govenah Burrrgk – vot is ze sense of forcink…
BERG: Was ist den mit deine fürchtbare Deutsche accent?
LEAKY THE BEAGLE: Huh?
BERG: That’s what I thought. Security!
(Security guards push LEAKY THE BEAGLE to the ground, stomp him into incoherence, throw him out).
Next.
CAT SCAT: (The designated “fact checker” at the (possibly fictional) progressive blog “”MinnesotaLiberalAlliance.Blogspot.com“, she is the office manager at a small phrenology practice. ) Why would you teach children…
BERG: Because parents in half of Metro households don’t actually teach their kids the reality of history – that unarmed people are basically meat on the hoof for dictators. We want our children to learn that history. Some people don’t. We have the power, so we don’t really care what they think. Yes, you?
MATT MCNEIL: (Rises,, face flushed, hands shaking. As a wet spot stains the front of his chinos, he runs fron the building.
BERG: Huh. OK. You.
Betty Rae TORSTENGAARDSEN (A writer at the (possibly fictional) progressive blog “MinnesotaLiberalAlliance.Blogspot.com“. She was Lac Qui Parle County Dairy Princess in 1987, and voted “most likely to end up as a freelance political writer” by her sorority at U of M Morris in 1992.): Yes, Governor Berg. “Critical Marksmanship Theory” seems like a massive incursion into parental rights.
BERG: You’ve seen the handout, right?
TORSTENGAARDSEN: Er…no?
BERG: Then it’s not CRM. We’re just teaching kids to shoot, as far as you know.
TORSTENGAARDSEN: What about parents who object to their kids being indoctrinated in the Second Amendment?
BERG: So you’re saying there are parents who want their kids to be ignorant of history, and ripe for the picking by criminals, tyrants and perverts?
TORSTENGAARDSEN: I’m not sure…
BERG. They sound like terrible, negligent parents to me.
TORSTENGAARDSEN: Uh…
BERG: But again, we’re not teaching kids about guns right this minute, as we stand here, so quit your whining.
(TORSTENGAARDSEN, SCAT and SILBERMAN confer, briefly).
SILBERMAN: He’s right. He’s got us there.
BERG: Good. Onward…
And SCENE
(Security guards push LEAKY THE BEAGLE to the ground, stomp him into incoherence, throw him out).
Point of order: does stomping an already incoherent person into incoherence cause any real change? How would you measure it?
CMT # 7 With improved marksmanship it will ensure that future gang turf wars are self canceling events that reduce crime overall.
“BERG: As the first phase of my plan, as promised, I’m disbanding the state Department of Education.”
FTFY
Blade,
True in real life, but it’d pretty much derail this story.
Sometimes I try and explain to my few liberal friends that enjoy the shooting sports that shooting is an inherently conservative action when you understand the consequences. Pulling the trigger and firing a bullet downrange is an action that cannot be taken back and undone, and we understand that and do it anyway.
They don’t tend to appreciate my pointing it out.
Side note is that it appears the John Woo grip and other popular handgun techiques (among gang-bangers) have against saved lives in Chuck-town, South Carolina, where dozens of shots were fired, but nobody was apparently even hit, in a parking lot near a girls’ softball game.
And a side note; thanks to those who have actively discouraged the police and prosecutors from actually punishing criminals for their role in sending dozens of bullets towards kids playing softball.