SCENE: It’s 6AM, at Twin Cities International. Mitch BERG is leaving an airport bar, after having his ritual shot of whiskey before getting on a plane for a business trip. As he turns to walk down the concourse, he almost literally runs into Aaron ROSTON, A writer at the (possibly fictional) progressive blog “MinnesotaLiberalAlliance.Blogspot.com“. ROSTON is a crossing guard at a school in rural southern Minnesota, and is a bullying activist – mostly focusing on promoting bullying of children of conservatives. He is wearing a t-shirt that says GAY on the front.
ROSTON: Merg.
BERG: Hey, Aaron. On your way to Florida, I see?
ROSTON: Not bad, for a stupid person. How could you tell?
BERG: Just a hunch.
ROSTON: You’re an idiot, so you should know Governor DeSantis’s bill makes it illegal to say “gay” in Florida. I’m going there to practice civil disobedience and also spend my stimmy checks.
BERG: Civil disobedience?
ROSTON: I’m gonna say gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay…
BERG: Huh. Courageous. Of course you are, and you do realize that the Florida law doesn’t make talking about homosexuality illegal. It just bars teachers from doing spontaneous sex ed classes with kids under the age of 8.
ROSTON: You’re too stupid to be an educator, so I’ll explain this to you. What if I have a kid who has two mommies, or two daddies, and is confused about the situation? What am I supposed to do?
BERG: If a kid has same-sex parents who haven’t explained the situation to the kids, that’s both weird and – here’s a radical notion – their business, not yours.
ROSTON: So you’re a mouth-breathing gay hater. What if I wanted to tell my children…
BERG: They aren’t “your children”. You’re a public employee – a crossing guard, as it happens, but I hear teachers who say the same thing – who is part of a system we, the public, pay to teach our kids how to read, write, do math, think critically, and other skills. So – you were saying?
ROSTON: What if I wanted to tell (makes scare quotes) my students that my partner and I were going axe-throwing over the weekend?
BERG: Then you tell them you’re going axe-throwing. Big whoop.
ROSTON: You moron. And what if I then wanted to tell them that after axe-throwing, we were going to go back to my place and __________ his __________ in the ___________ until ___________ with a…
BERG: (Interrrupting): Well, if it were my five-through-eight-year old, I’d be calling the police and teaching you a lesson about boundaries.
ROSTON: So you hate gays.
BERG: Hey, look – over there! A kid in a wheelchair with a MAGA hat.
ROSTON: WHEREWHEREWHEREWHERE! I wanna make him cry…
(sees nothing)
ROSTON: (Looks around frantically) Where? Merg?
(But BERG has disappeared)
And SCENE
I dunno Mitch. We’ve been down here with family in the pan handle since Thursday, and I haven’t heard “gay” once. Haven’t seen a fag flag, obese, pink haired lesbian or 5 year old boy in a dress.
Nope.
Nothing but thousands of affluent, White people riding bicycles, driving expensive SUV’s and golf carts, eating wonderful food, drinking craft beer and wine, smoking cigars, engaging in polite conversations with each other, lounging on the beach, laughing and generally reveling in their privileges.
In fact, now that Spring break is over and all the basketball teams have returned to Detroit, Chicago and Atlanta there hasn’t been a hint of divisiveness or rancor of any kind.
Looks like that bastard DeSantis and his henchmen have succeeded.
Moderation is now a requirement, I guess
No idea. The anti-spam moderation tool has a mind of its own. .
ahhhhh…. redneck riviera…
in moderation for 3 words, none of them offensive and one is not even a word. Mitch, me thinks, we all think, maybe time to give Mahmet, or Akismet the boot?
post complaining about moderation is in moderation
priceless
well, I guess Mitch turned off comments for all practical purposes. We all suspected he was a closet commie censor, now we have proof. Please note, all my previous comments were blocked, even the one word one.
jpa:
I’m there with ya’. My first comment today went into mod, as did my two comments about that, then a fourth. They were quickly cleared though.
Redneck Riviera where a 140 sq ft shack squeezed in between two 9 BR mansions goes for $1.2 mil. That’s a true listing.
Still, you’re not gonna find less NY, NJ, MA or CT tags anywhere near a coast line in Florida. Hence the proliferation of wholesome fun and dearth of degeneracy.
Makes a guy dream about a time when America was like this from sea to shining sea.
I just went on their website, did Beach and Brew get a makeover? Did owners need cash that badly they took all the bills off the walls? I was gonna use that as an example as evidence that redneck riviera is not just for rednecks. Redneck riviera is a gem, keep degenerates out of it. Where else can you find best restaurants where entry is by invitation only? Unless you can afford that lean-to for 1.2mil you can’t dine there.
I appreciate the congregation of White people down here. Go ahead and hate me for it.
Who’s hating? I’m envious – we can’t afford it!
I’ve met the guy “Aaron Roston” is based on. He’s a classic Twitter tough guy but in person is basically a hothouse flower.
One of these days I’m going to copy the text of Florida’s bill and post it on Facebook while attributing it to some California legislator.