Dear Star Tribune

To: Star/Tribune

From: Mitch Berg, Gubernatorial Candidate, “No Government Subsidies To The Media” Party

Re:  Your request.

After snorting coke from the bellybuttons of a bunch of filipina hookers, waking up under piles of U of M cheerleaders after booze-induced blackouts, and telling people I enjoyed Natural Born Killers, I had someone tell me to pull it all together.

I did.

Now – given the media’s history as self-appointed high priests of knowledge and newspaper reporters’ reputation for sucking the fumes from the corks of empty booze bottles, perhaps you could favor us with details on your reporters’ drinking habits?  Y’know, so we can use it to judge your ability to cover the news?

Failure to repond will be considered a go-ahead to say anything we want about you. 



4 thoughts on “Dear Star Tribune

  1. This from the guy who has publically expressed fantasies about threesomes with Scarlett and Marisa.

  2. Is there a polite and politically acceptable way to say “Blow it out your ass”?

    Because that would be my response in this matter.

  3. As I recall, Dennis Miller’s answer to this hypothetical question of him as a hypothetical candidate was that yeah, I inhaled, and then I drank the f*ckin bong water. You got a problem with that?

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