Joe Doakes from Como Park emails:

I visited a woman in the hospital this weekend.  She had a heart attack and was unresponsive on arrival.  The doctors didn’t know if she would make it.  Here’s a note from her husband (I did their estate plan, back when I was in private practice):

“When you are laying in bed at 2:00 a.m and your mind is running the gerbil wheel of ‘what if she doesn’t wake up,  would she want burial or cremation and what do I do with the ashes, keep them or scatter them, and what funeral home should I hire, and who is going to scan photos for the video but would she even want a memorial, and what are her friends’ phone numbers or maybe invite only family, and can we even have a memorial, what are the Covid rules and oh God, what if she doesn’t wake up?’ . . . it’s not as much fun as you might think.  Spend some time talking to your family so they know the plan.”

Joe Doakes

What Joe said. 

My name is spelled J-O-E D-O-A-K-E-S but henceforth, shall be pronounced

“Throatwobbler Mangrove.” 

Or else you’re a hateful racist.

That is all.

Joe Doakes

While we’re on the subject, my preferred pronouns are “Your Excellency / First Sea Lord”.

10 thoughts on “Identity

  1. While we’re on the subject, my preferred pronouns are “Your Excellency / First Sea Lord”.

    Fitting, especially with the amply documented history of North Dakotan maritime exploits. My preferred pronoun is “King of Freaking Portugal.”

  2. So do I address you as either Your Excellency or First Sea Lord or is it a two part title.

    Er, sorry if the question offends you, I offer my first born as recompense. Would that be enough or is it never enough?

    Gosh, sorry if THAT offends you, I and my entire race will now go into self exile in the Aleutians.

  3. FOR SALE:
    I’m selling my White Privilege card. It’s just over 50 years old and it hasn’t done a damn thing for me. No inheritance, no free college, no free food or housing. Would be willing to do an even trade for a Race Card. Those seem to be way more useful and more widely accepted.

    If you’re interested, please contact me on my non-Obama provided cell phone that I have to pay for every month.

    Serious inquiries only, please.

  4. I think I’ll stick with SlowJoe, or SJ for short, but you doesn’t have to call him Johnson.

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