I helped my neighbor put up his nativity scene on his lawn the other day.
In it, Baby Jesus, Mary, Joseph, the three kings and a couple of Roman soldiers are pelting a scrawny, smug-looking, nerdy guy in a dishdasha with rocks and garbage. The nerdy guy has a little callout balloon with an arrow (made out of mylar and wire) saying “Ooh, don’t hurt me, I’m an atheist douchebag wuss”.
When my neighbor put up the display, I looked at him for a moment, mildly dumbfounded.
“What?” he asked, handing me a can of Miller.
“Well, nothing – and thanks for the beer! But…do you honestly think that this – mocking atheists – is the real spirit of the season?”
“Well, sure! What else is faith for?”
“Um…well, focus on the eternal, as well as on the best that our Christian tradition asks of us?”
“Well, sure”, he said with at tone that really meant “Duuuuh”. “But mocking atheists is part of it, too! It’s a vital part, in fact!”
“Where on earth did you learn that?”
He pointed his thumb over his shoulder, toward Bud Ismir’s house. Ismir, a Moslem, had put up his own scene; a group of children, animated by the spirit of Mohammed, whacking at a figure labeled in Arabic (with helpful English subtitles) “atheist” who was trussed up like a turkey in a net bag dangling from a tree, like a sort of organic pinata.
“Er…wow”, I said, cracking the beer. “That doesn’t even make cultural sense”.
“Well, you’ll love what the Rubensteins put up for Chanukkah”, he said, pointing over to our other neighbor had erected the previous day; a huge, aluminum and plywood Dreidel, powered by an electric motor, spinning randomly, coming occasionally to a stop as a light inside illuminated the Hebrew/English messages on the sides; one read “Atheists! Go Straight To Hell! Losers!”
“Um…” I started – and then gave up. I took a long drag off the beer, and submitted to the spirit of the season, dabbing a little bit of splashed “frankinsense” onto the shoulder of the cringing atheist figure.
Tis the season!
——–
On the one hand, the Illinois state capitol would seem to have a much more sensible approach to holiday decorations than many city, county and state governments; they allow displays from all faiths to put up displays in the Capitol rotunda. Christian, Moslem, Jewish, or what-have-you.
Including the atheists. And that’s where the story begins:
A conservative activist and Illinois comptroller candidate was escorted from the Illinois State Capitol building Wednesday when he tried to remove a sign put up by an atheist group.
William J. Kelly announced Tuesday that he planned to take down the sign put up by the Freedom from Religion Foundation, and on Wednesday, he tried to make good on his plan.
But Kelly said when he turned the sign around so it was face down, state Capitol police were quick to escort him away.
Was Kelly right to flip the sign over? Maybe not. First Amendment, free speech, yadda yadda yadda.
But let’s not dismiss him entirely:
The sign reads: “At the time of the winter solstice, let reason prevail. There are no gods, no devils, no angels, no heaven or hell. There is only our natural world. Religion is just myth and superstition that hardens hearts and enslaves minds.”
So in a display intended to celebrate the spirit of the season, what do the “atheists” do? Put up a sign whose sole purpose is to piss in other peoples’ Wheaties.
“I don’t think the State of Illinois has any business denigrating or mocking any religion,” Kelly said, “and I think that’s what the verbiage on the sign was doing.”
And so while Kelly’s methods may have been wrong, his motivations – in a purely ecumenical sense – were absolutely correct. If – as Establishment-Clausers constantly remind us – the government has no business promoting religion, then isn’t disparaging the beliefs of others even less appropriate a use of public space?
As to Kelly’s claims that the sign mocks religion, foundation co-President Dan Barker said: “He’s kind of right, because the last couple of sentences do criticize religion, and of course, the beginning is a celebration of the winter solstice. But that kind of speech is protected as well – speech that is critical and speech that is supportive.”
The obvious response is to found a “religion” – in my case, a denomination of a religion, since I’m not giving up Christianity anytime soon – part of whose liturgy is to mock the “Freedom From Religion Foundation” as a bunch of self-indulgent, intellectually-indolent, solipsistic jagoffs.
And apply for permits to display signs explaining why.
Tis the season!
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