SCENE: A meeting of the “Protect” MInnesota governing board. The Reverend Nancy Nord Bence presides over a room with half a dozen middle-aged, white men and women with ELCA hair (short, unadorned gray for the ladies; close cropped gray hair and neatly-trimmed Progressive-standard beards for the males).
NORD BENCE: OK, I call this meeting of the governing board of Protect Minnesota to order. Miss Scat, would you please give the membership report?
CAT SCAT: Unchanged from last meeting, at [NORD BENCE coughs over BIRKENSTOCK’s report] members.
NORD BENCE: OK, Mizz Stromberg, the treasurer’s report?
GRETEL STROMBERG: We got another Bloomberg check. Why bother counting?
NORD BENCE: Order! OK. New business?
( Chauncey GUNDERSON, a 50-something man with raffish but neatly trimmed gray hair and a tightly trimmed gray beard – like every other man in the room over the age of 35 – and a representative from an ELCA church in Edina, raises his hand:)
NORD BENCE: Mr. Gunderson?
GUNDERSON: Yes, Madame Executive Director. I’m wondering – there’s this impression I’ve heard people talk about saying that Protect Minnesota is a bunch of smug, entitled, white, suburban, upper middle class people who are out of touch with the reality of this issue.
NORD BENCE: ( Looks around room at the small group of smug, entitled, white, suburban, upper middle class people ) Well, clearly it’s a scientific fact that that’s utterly absurd!
MARGE GUSTAFFSEN: But I’ve heard this, too.
NORD BENCE: While it is utterly absurd, I am willing to entertain ideas to address it.
AVERY LIBRELLE: I’ve got an idea. Let’s debunk the notion that Protect Minnesota is a bunch of smug, entitled, white, suburban, upper middle class people by holding a cocktail party at a swanky club!
NORD BENCE: I like it! Social media director BIrkenstock?
MOONBEAM BIRKENSTOCK: Already on it. I set up the event and put out the invites on Facebook!
NORD BENCE: Oooh! Let’s see!
BIRKENSTOCK: Here. Let me show you:
NORD BENCE: I like it! OK – next order of business…
NOTE: The scene above is probably mostly fictional. Except for the ad. And the event. And the cocktail.