Attention All “Progressives”

To:  All Democrats and “Progressives”, Nationwide
From:  Mitch Berg, Irascible Peasant
Re: 2020

All,

You owe it to your country, and your progressive souls (well, you know, whatever) to accept nothing less than the following in a Presidential, Congressional, State Executive and Legislative, and city candidate:

  • Push for impeachment.   Tirelessly.  Every news cycle.  Every time you’re on MSNBC or CNN.   And out to dinner.  And while alone in the bathroom.
  • Support banning guns, by executive order if you can’t make it happen via the legislative process.
  • Insist that taxpayers eat $2,000 for every man, woman and child to pay for other peoples’ voluntary borrowing.
  • Support diluting the franchise that is one of the hallmarks of our freedom until it becomes just another bit of graft to be apportioned by our betters.

Accept nothing less.  No matter what it takes.

5 thoughts on “Attention All “Progressives”

  1. ◾Push for impeachment. Tirelessly. Every news cycle. Every time you’re on MSNBC or CNN. And out to dinner. And while alone in the bathroom.
    OK, that’s funny, right there.

    “◾Support banning guns, by executive order if you can’t make it happen via the legislative process.”
    And remind everyone that gives you sass, you have nukes.

    “◾Insist that taxpayers eat $2,000 for every man, woman and child to pay for other peoples’ voluntary borrowing.”
    Right. And promise from now on, college will be one big, free, twerk fest. Even the lowest IQ’s among us deserve to experience a spring break party.

    “◾Support diluting the franchise that is one of the hallmarks of our freedom until it becomes just another bit of graft to be apportioned by our betters.”
    Yes indeed. And do it by diluting the legal population. Encourage mobs of low IQ Mestizos to jump the border.

  2. Remember, the public overwhelmingly supports The New Green Deal to fight global climate change and they’re happy to pay for a better world. Raise taxes enough to triple the price of gas for the car this Summer, and for home heating fuel next Winter. Use the additional tax revenue to buy solar farms and windmills from the Chinese. Everyone will be glad to do their part.

  3. Potholes are filled with oil. We must stop filling potholes, immediately. (It has the added benefit of discouraging driving, something agreed upon by 100% of St. Paul.)

  4. Attn: All Reactionaries (errr.. Ultra-Conservatives).

    Please, please do the following between now and election day 2020.

    1. Open up another e-mail investigation into Hilary Clinton, and this time, put her in jail, regardless of whether or not she had any intent to disclose confidential e-mails.
    2. Prosecute the Press for the investigation of Trump/Russia, an investigation started long before the Steele Dossier was released when the FBI sought a FISA warrant on members of Trump Co. Seek to imprison them, too, and anyone else who criticizes Trump while you’re claiming to stand-up for justice and freedom of the Press or for that matter, freedom of speech
    3. Keep telling folks climate change is a Chinese hoax and that vaccinating your kids causes autism (oh, wait, Trump reversed himself on that today… hmm…gosh I wonder why).
    4. Tell everyone that limiting high capacity magazines and semi-automatic rifles is the same as confiscating guns and also keep refusing to have a coherent position on constitutionality – claim that reasonable limits are unconstitutional – and that the writing of conservative justices in McDonald is wrong – and REALLY, please keep aligning yourself with the NRA, an organization which was infiltrated by a now convicted Russian agent.
    5. Keep trying to restrict the franchise by preventing people from voting if their name on their diver’s license reads Mitch M. Berg (super-genius) vs. Mitch M Berg (super genius) on their voting registration. Because that sure as hell doesn’t get anyone mad at big-gov’mint abusing power.
    6. And more than anything else, keep touting how the big tax give away to the rich, which has bankrupted the government, like the Bush cuts before them, somehow are really helping the average worker.

    That list is probably not more than 1/10th of what it could be, including mocking you for “draining the swamp” by electing the most corrupt politician in US history, but hey, it’s productive to good policy making and finding solutions to create contempt for your those who don’t agree with you politically – so I thought I’d help with that. Your readers, Mitch, are barely able to contain their hate already, kudos for feeding it.

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