One Day At the MNPublius Offices

SCENE:  11AM in the editorial board room of Minnesota-based politics blog MNPublius.

ZACK: (sitting in an overstuffed leather chair, sipping from a snifter of brandy as SEAN walks into the conference room).  Hey, Sean.  How’s it going?

SEAN: (pouring a scotch as he takes a seat by the highly-polished oak table) – Hey, Zack.  Just looking at the resumes from all of Dusty Trice’s minions.  Now that he’s closed shop, they’re all looking for work.

ZACK:  Huh.  (takes a sip, as SEAN feeds a ream of  resumes into a nearby paper shredder).  Where’s Matt? 

ZACK:  He’s texted me.  He’s just coming in from the parking ramp.  He had to get the Prius fixed.

SEAN: Ah. 

(JEFF enters the room, takes seat)

ZACK:  So what’s new, gentlemen?

SEAN:  Well, I spent Friday trading emails with Paul Harris of the London Observer.  He’s doing a piece on female conservatives, and he heard we were the authorities on Michele Bachmann.

ZACK:  And he didn’t go to Dump Bachmann

SEAN:  He’s a Brit journalist, but he’s not insane.

ZACK: Excellent!  So did you send the new glossy talking point sheet?

SEAN: Yep, the one that calls ’em all crazy and dangrous.  Or dangerous and crazy.  I forget.  Anyway,  I had to break open a new box of them, but yes.  I did. 

MATT: (enters room, yelling over shoulder as he takes a seat) And Consuela?  Have all my calls and texts held.  And get me a double-skim goat chai, stat!

CONSUELA (from anteroom) Si, senor Matt!

MATT:  Hey, guys.

ZACK:  Hey, Matt.  And did you send the ugliest picture of Bachmann you could find?

SEAN:  Oh, yeah.  I had to dig deep, but I finally found one that almost was too bad to be an Avidor photoshop. 

JEFF (sotto voce to MATT): “Avidor?”

MATT: Ken Weiner.

ZACK:  And you gave him a phone interview?

SEAN:  Er, huh? 

ZACK:  A phone interview.  We always do phone inter…

SEAN: Right.  The phone interview, I know.  I thought Jeff was doing the interview?

JEFF:  Um, no – I thought Matt was doing it.

MATT:  Um, no, I was busy doing oppo research on “Ben” and “Mall Diva”.  Er, hang on – Zack, I thought you handled all foreign media…

ZACK:  Oh, crap.  That means…

CONSUELA:  (Enters room, carrying bundle of newspapers) I brought the newspapers, sirs.  (places them on table, backs from room).

ZACK: (leaps to feet, looking agitated, thrashes through pile of papers) Independent…Independent…Indep…AH!  Here it is!  (flips through paper as SEAN, JEFF and MATT gather behind him to read).

SEAN:  There it is!

MATT:  Oh, crap:

 “It is hard to think that people take her seriously. But on a national level it is happening. It scares me,” said Aaron Landry, a senior correspondent at MNpublius.com, a Minnesota-based politics blog.

ZACK:  “Senior Correspondent?” 

MATT: {{Facepalm}}

SEAN:  Who the hell told him to call himself…

JEFF: Jeezus, Landry – you’re a blogger

MATT:  Good goddess; he’s Fecke’d us.

ZACK: (yells out the door) Consuela!  Get Cartman on the line!

SEAN:  (takes long drink, puts down glass, holds head in hands) Oh, man – we’re never gonna live this down.

(And scene).

16 thoughts on “One Day At the MNPublius Offices

  1. Yeah, Ben and the Mall Diva have been kind of quiet lately. The Diva did, however, go to D.C. the week before last to speak Truth to Indifference! If I catch someone skulking outside the place doing “research”, though, it is not going to be p… well, let’s just say that that the worst Bachmann image they can come up with will still look better in comparison.

  2. You call yourself an alternative journalist, and you call yourself ‘center-right’ on the political scale, Aaron Landry caling himself a Senior Correspondent is no more a fiction than either of those two laughers. Perhaps we should make up scenes about how centrist your position is on the world stage – your claim was that it represented in a ‘world view’ sense your political stance – when in fact the world is FAR to the left of the US on many/most issues. Clever stuff making up discussions which you have no proof occured – I’m sure you wouldn’t appreciate it done to you.

  3. You call yourself an alternative journalist,

    Really? Where?

    and you call yourself ‘center-right’ on the political scale,

    Correctly so.

    Aaron Landry caling himself a Senior Correspondent is no more a fiction than either of those two laughers.

    Well, it might be, if I had ever called myself a “journalist” (ptui) or if you had the faintest idea what “center-right” means.

    Perhaps we should make up scenes about how centrist your position is on the world stage

    It’s not centrist.

    But I think I am starting to see the problem, here, Pen. I say “center-right”; you only hear “Center”.

    The emphasis is on “right”. Always has been and always will be.

    – your claim was that it represented in a ‘world view’ sense your political stance – when in fact the world is FAR to the left of the US on many/most issues.

    Irrelevant non-sequitur. Who cares?

    Clever stuff making up discussions which you have no proof occured

    {{facepalm}}

    No proof it occurred. Oh, my…

    I…uh…

    {{another facepalm}}

    {{and another}}

    (Mitch holds his head in his hands, chuckling softly to himself, in the same tone as when he found his son had put little plastic men in the ketchup bottle)

    No, Pen, you’re right. I have no proof that the “meeting” of the “MNPublius editorial board”, which is pretty clearly satire, took place in a burled-oak room with overstuffed chairs and a buxom Latina secretary.

    I know when I’ve met my match in the ol’ logic department.

    I’m sure you wouldn’t appreciate it done to you.

    After some of the crap I’ve put up with – including borderline criminal defamation (don’t ask)? Good-natured ribbing in the form of fairly gentle satire would be pretty refreshing, all in all.

  4. I have no proof that Mitch likes to dress up in ladies clothing and sing Broaday tunes in his basement. But then…

  5. I have no proof that Mitch likes to dress up in ladies clothing

    You don’t?

    Whew. After that last party at “Barthelemy’s”, I was nervous.

  6. We rarely drink before noon.

    Sez you non-college student. This is further proof that no one on the left has a sense of humor anymore unless they are making fun of ‘teabaggers’ or “ChimpyMcBushHitler” there they think they are hysterical.

  7. I have no proof that Mitch likes to dress up in ladies clothing

    Mitch I do, and if you don’t allow me to post soon I will publish them MUHAHAHAHA.

  8. Jeff, excellent answer!!!! Bravo! Ha ha ha ha ha

    Peevee, pull your head out of your arse and run along back to PenisBlog.

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