SCENE: Mitch BERG is walking into the Russian Tea House on University Avenue for some piroshki and borscht. As he walks up the steps, Avery LIBRELLE is walking out. BERG can’t avoid LIBRELLE; the meeting is inevitable.
BERG: Er…hey, Avery. Didn’t know you liked Russian food.
LIBRELLE: I don’t. I was just going door to door looking for contributions to my new PAC.
BERG: Huh. Did you get anything?
LIBRELLE: Not yet.
BERG: Well, hey, I’m just gonna grab some…
LIBRELLE: So shame on your for accusing Hillary Clinton of spreading the “Birther” rumor! I fact-checked you by going to “AllTheFactsYouNeedToKnowAboutPolitics.com”, a production of the Non-Partisan Center For Non-Partisan Progress, and they said that Hillary never, ever, personally used the word “Birther”.
BERG: Nobody said she did it personally. Her campaign used surrogates to do it.
LIBRELLE: But she didn’t do it personally, so you’re a liar and a hypocrite!
BERG: So if someone’s campaign spreads information, but the candidate doesn’t do it himself, then the candidate is blameless.
BERG: By that logic, the Holocaust never happened, since Hitler didn’t personally kill a single Jew.
LIBRELLE: Let me check with AllTheFactsYouNeedToKnowAboutPolitics.com when I get to the library.
BERG: Right. And the fact that Hillary’s campaign spread the “Obama is a Muslim” rumor never happened, since the words “Obama is a muslim” never crossed Hillary’s lips?
LIBRELLE: That’s correct. If the candidate doesn’t say it, it never happened.
LIBRELLE: Hey – wanna donate to my PAC?