Logic Via The Left
By Mitch Berg
So we followed the demonstration up to Lagoon and Hennepin.
We stood at the corner, flag and signs in hand, as the crowd of “protesters” swelled around us. Oh, we got some good response – an MTC bus driver honked and gave us a thumbs up – as well as some anger (a few middle fingers).
“So why didn’t you join the Army?”, yelled one vapid/drunk-looking thirtysomething decked out in Patagonia.
“Um, because on 9/11 I was a 38 year old single parent with two bad knees, offhand?” I responded.
Patagonia stood there, flummoxed, not really thrilled with the whole “eye contact” thing. “Oh, yeah? Are you on the Halliburton payroll?”
Observation: At their best, the typical anti-war protester is incapable of maintaining a discussion of longer than one statement, maybe two, without changing the subject. If you follow these things in my comment section, of course, it’s no surprise, but it’s interesting to see how flummoxed they get when they’re not in complete control of the discussion (as they no doubt are on campus).
On the other hand, at their worst…
Oh, we had the usual – one red-faced guy bellowed “F*CK YOU!” at the top of his lungs (yes, there were kids present). Another, obviously intoxicated, staggered down the bus/turn lane in front of us, bellowing “YOU MOTHERF*CKING HYPOCRITES” (yeah, still kids present) before staggering in front of someone’s car.
The lowlight of the day?
A shrivelled little husk of a “person”, probably 5’6 with a ill-trimmed fringe of white hair and a tumorous white goatee framing what looked like ill-fitting dentures, walked up to us. “What IS the mission?” he bellowed, sounding mildly intoxicated.
“Win the war”.
“How do we do that?”, he yelled, with a voice whose vocal cords sounded calloused by years of bellowing along on cue at demonstrations.
“Kill the terrorists, make the country safe for the law-abiding Iraqi”.
“What if there’s a million of ’em?”
“There aren’t”.
He upped the ante; “What if there’s ten million of ’em?”
“There aren’t”.
“Are you on some oil company’s payroll?”
“Um, yeah. Does it show?”
He put his hand on my left shoulder. Then, with his left hand, he reached over and grabbed my crotch, then staggered away into the crowd.
My hands were in my pockets – partly to keep warm, largely to make sure I couldn’t react to provocations. That little leprechaun’s dentist can be thankful for this.
I’ll be going through any photos I find of the event. If I find him on film, anywhere, I’m going to give the little perv his fifteen minutes of fame.
Got film? I’d love to take a look. I’d love to make sure his co-workers get some idea of his predilections…
…but then, from the looks of him his only job for the last forty years has been “protester”.
March 18th, 2007 at 2:55 pm
Wow… I never run into that at these. It must be that you are so man-pretty heh
March 18th, 2007 at 3:01 pm
Yeah, assault is kinda new for me, too.
March 18th, 2007 at 3:44 pm
What is it with “short people” that they feel they have to attack a taller person? Is it to prove that they have something?????
LL
March 18th, 2007 at 4:21 pm
He grabbed your crotch? He could reach that high? Man, I was pretty damn close with that whole “We represent the Lollipop Guild” thing.
March 18th, 2007 at 6:04 pm
Mitch.
Your encounter brings lascivious meaning to the caution: “Don’t go there.” Yes another reason why I prefer to wrap myself in the flag.
March 18th, 2007 at 8:30 pm
bill said,
“Wow… I never run into that at these.”
Gosh, I wonder why. Anyone wanna venture a guess?
March 18th, 2007 at 8:36 pm
Mitch said,
“He put his hand on my left shoulder. Then, with his left hand, he reached over and grabbed my crotch
Riiiigggggghhhttt…
March 18th, 2007 at 8:47 pm
Doug, thank you for observing my heterosexuality.
March 18th, 2007 at 9:09 pm
I wasn’t bill. I was observing that the reason you don’t run into those is that I doubt the validity of Mitch’s claims.
A guy sopposedly grabs Mitch’s crotch and Mitch is incapable of reacting because his hands are in his pocket? What a crock of Bullshit.
March 18th, 2007 at 9:12 pm
OH MY GOD! I Misspelled Supposedly. Hurry Mitch! Comment about that before I have a chance to correct it!
March 18th, 2007 at 9:26 pm
Perhaps now I understand what I couldn’t before. That is, why these people demonstrate in the streets instead of simply writing their Congressman. They seem to be reasonably capable of walking and shouting obscenities, but thinking and writing, well…
March 18th, 2007 at 10:16 pm
Maybe Doug has a point. The only way to be sure is to try a little experiment.
I’ll be at the next demonstration Doug, you’ll be able to recognise me because I’ll have my hands in my pockets.
You come on over and lay a hand on me and we’ll see if I can rip your head off and shit down your neck without taking my hands out of my pockets.
March 18th, 2007 at 10:26 pm
Swiftee, I wouldn’t get within 50 feet of you A. because you’re a psychopath and B. based on your looks, you likely smell like sour BO and Schlitz farts.
March 19th, 2007 at 12:18 am
Doug,
You are truly a moron. And I don’t mean in that jocular way that I usually do. I mean that you exhibit deep, abiding stupidity:
Mitch is incapable of reacting because his hands are in his pocket? What a crock of Bullshit.
The only bullshit is between your floppy little ears. Listen up, chuzzlewit – you might learn something (if you’re capable of it, which, to be charitable, might be possible).
I worked in bars, and other places with lots of cretins all over the place. Sort of like anti-war demonstrations.
When you want to avoid reacting to provocations – like, when you’re surrounded by assholes who’d love to pick a fight with you (kinda like you, Mr. Bitchslap) keeping your hands in your pockets is a good way to avoid doing things that the other side – drama queens that they are – will blow up into something I really don’t want.
Because that’d look great, wouldn’t it? A bunch of your patchouli-reeking friends waving their arms at the cops, going “the big guy smacked the old retard!”. Wouldn’t it?
No, Doug, what I said is exactly what happened. And I knew you’d be big enough a moron to try to question me about it.
You’re an idiot, and a gutless one to boot.
I’d say something nasty, but the fact is that your comment is sort of self-nastying – evidence that you let something worse than “stupid” loose once in a while.
March 19th, 2007 at 12:19 am
Oh, and Doug?
Calling attention to your dubious literacy isn’t a reflection on the rest of us.
March 19th, 2007 at 12:45 am
“A guy sopposedly grabs Mitch’s crotch and Mitch is incapable of reacting because his hands are in his pocket? What a crock of Bullshit.”
That’s big talk for a guy who lied about being an “eleciton observer” and has been defending himself against it for a couple of years. Isn’t it?
Bullshit smell thyself!
March 19th, 2007 at 7:29 am
again Doug, since you weren’t there, as you promised to be, your credibility to comment on this is nil.
March 19th, 2007 at 10:21 am
Mitch–Did someone really grab your crotch or are you just trying to get guys like Kevin from Eckernet to show up at the next anti-anti-war rally in hope that they will be similarly confronted?
March 19th, 2007 at 10:42 am
Yes on the first clause, not sure I want to address the second.
March 19th, 2007 at 11:40 am
Memo to Mitch.
The gov’t organization that runs our buses shortened its name from MTC (Metro Transit Council), to simply MetroTransit. This happened something like 10 years ago.
Pleasure counter-protesting w/ you, sir.
March 19th, 2007 at 3:47 pm
Hm, first time I’ve ever seen changing a name from three letters (MTC) to 12 letters (MetroTransit) called “shortened”.
(j/k)
March 19th, 2007 at 4:01 pm
Mitch said,
“No, Doug, what I said is exactly what happened. And I knew you’d be big enough a moron to try to question me about it.
Uh huh… and I’m sure your implication that the protests were full of drunks yelling obscenities was accurate too.
Funny that NONE of the news reports I saw mentioned anything remotely similar to the scene that you describe and in fact, none of the footage from the event shows the level of vitrol that you describe. It must be the liberal drive-by media’s attempt to cloak the fact that all of us liberals are mouth breathing zealots.
I’ll concede the fact that I wasn’t there and can neither confirm or deny your claims so I will have to take your word for it even though I find it highly dubious – not that what I believe makes a lick of difference.
It’s also entirely plausible that, based on your description of the alleged assailant “A shrivelled little husk of a “person”, probably 5′6 with a ill-trimmed fringe of white hair and a tumorous white goatee framing what looked like ill-fitting dentures, walked up to us.” he was an elderly gentleman who lost his balance and caught himself by grabbing your shoulder and brushing your crotch.
Again, I wasn’t there so I can’t really speak to the legitimacy of your claim but the idea that some strange guy walked up to you and grabbed your honker sounds like a complete fabrication but again, being the humble sort that I am, I’m willing to admit that I am wrong and for whatever reason, acknowledge that old shriveled men can’t keep their hands off your swimsuit area.
March 19th, 2007 at 11:55 pm
Uh huh… and I’m sure your implication that the protests were full of drunks yelling obscenities was accurate too.
Irrelevant change of subject AND putting words in my mouth.
I didn’t “imply” anything; merely that some of the idiots I ran into looked impaired. The media reported 2500 protestors; I’ve noted three or four that talked, walked, or reasoned like retards, drunks, or DFL central committee members. You, as usual, are doing all the implying.
Funny that NONE of the news reports I saw mentioned anything remotely similar to the scene that you describe and in fact, none of the footage from the event shows the level of vitrol that you describe.
Well, too bad I didn’t have a camera rolling, huh?
Of course, if it didn’t appear on the six o’clock news, it must not have happened, right?
It must be the liberal drive-by media’s attempt to cloak the fact that all of us liberals are mouth breathing zealots.
Yeah, you’re a martyr.
I’ll concede the fact that I wasn’t there and can neither confirm or deny your claims so I will have to take your word for it even though I find it highly dubious – not that what I believe makes a lick of difference.
Well, you finally got it!
It’s also entirely plausible that, based on your description of the alleged assailant “A shrivelled little husk of a “person”, probably 5′6 with a ill-trimmed fringe of white hair and a tumorous white goatee framing what looked like ill-fitting dentures, walked up to us.” he was an elderly gentleman who lost his balance and caught himself by grabbing your shoulder and brushing your crotch.
I suppose in that special little worldview of yours it might be.
But no, it’s not.
Again, I wasn’t there so I can’t really speak to the legitimacy of your claim
Although that’s all you’ve done – devoid of any fact, reason or logic, of course, but speaking to the legitimacy nonetheless.
but the idea that some strange guy walked up to you and grabbed your honker sounds like a complete fabrication
I thought about a couple of snappy responses to that last bit, but I guess I’ll leave it at this.
You’re wrong.
March 20th, 2007 at 9:49 pm
Mitch, It was great to meet you Sunday. I was the guy with the camcorder. I made 2 videos of the event, I hope you and other readers will enjoy them. Make sure to watch both videos. They have differetn subjects. http://youtube.com/profile?user=wdbymn