SCENE: Mitch BERG is waiting in line at the Rack Shack on South Robert. Stephanie Marie ANNAN – Community organizer for the 5th CD Libertarian Party – enters with a great clatter, vigorously stomps off her boots, and gets in line, finally noticing BERG.
ANNAN: Hey, Merg! I don’t like all that stuff you’ve been saying about how us Ron Paul people just like to throw…what do you call it?”
BERG: “Turd bombs”.
ANNAN: Yeah! The GOP did it first, back in 2008!
BERG: Yeah, so I’ve been told. That was about three years before I got involved in the GOP beyond going to caucuses, by the way. I know there’s been going on eight years of tit-for-tat between the Ron Paul clicque and the “establishment”, which I’m told I’m part of, even though I got involved in the party after the Tea Party.
ANNAN: You’re already boring me.
BERG: That seems to happen a lot. You all apprently got “bored” with Kurt Bills after you you all went to Tampa in 2012…
ANNAN: Hey – there’s a special primary coming up in a house district 68B!
BERG: Yeah, it’s been in all the papers.
ANNAN: I suppose you’re supporting the Republican candidate, like some mindless sheeple?
BERG: No, I support the endorsed Republican candidate because I’m an intelligent, informed voter. I think the endorsed candidate, Mindy Pilph, is an excellent choice. Although I don’t actually live in the district.
ANNAN: I plan on supporting her primary opponent!
BERG: Who? Jesse Duff?
BERG: Duff supports doubling the gas tax, banning civilian firearm ownership, rolling back school choice and instituting an entirely grievance-based curriculum, and adopting the North Korean style socialist philosophy of “Juche“, an isolationist firm of Stalinism based on all-seeing, all-knowing, omnipotent state. Which seems – pardon me for saying so – counterintuitive for someone who was a high ranking functionary in the Ron Paul campaign four years ago. Since Duff would seem to be the polar opposite of Libertarian, I gotta say, that’s a zig when I expected a zag.
ANNAN: But he’s independent from the Minnesota Republican Party.
BERG: Well, with good reason. He stands for everything the party rejects.
ANNAN: But he’s independent!
BERG: But he’s the exact opposite of Libertarian.
BERG: So yet again, it seems that “libertarian principle” isn’t really as big a deal as trying to TP the MNGOP….
(ANNAN leaves the room. And SCENE)