Like Satire, Only Serious

Joe Doakes from Como Park emails:

A Facebook friend told me she would vote Democrat because Jesus would support most of their platform. I suppose it’s a matter of interpretation.

See, when Jesus said “Suffer the little children to come unto me,” that was not a request to let a bunch of scruffy urchins sit by him as he preached (stupid disciples were so literal); what he meant was “send Me your children when I get back to Heaven” or more succinctly “kill the children.” Plainly, that’s Divine endorsement of taxpayer funded abortion on demand, a key plank in the Democrat platform. He didn’t specifically mention carving up dead children’s corpses to sell their body parts, but presumably that’s covered by an emanation of the penumbra of actions He approved.

And when He told His disciples to sell all they had to give to the poor, He didn’t mean they should sacrifice by digging into their own pockets, He meant politicians should take Other People’s Money out of those other people’s pockets to give to the poor. Redistribution of wealth to reduce income inequality is another Democrat ideal.

Finally, the story of the Good Samaritan is not about one stranger helping another, it’s a lesson about affordable health care. How much clearer could Jesus be: God approves the Obama-care individual mandate?

You know, she might be onto something. If I vote Democrat, I not only get to be on the winning side of a Minnesota election for once, my salvation is also assured, all without lifting a finger. Tempting.

Joe Doakes.

Amd the whole Lowes and fishes thing? That’s right – supports and was spending without regard to the source…

5 thoughts on “Like Satire, Only Serious

  1. Rush Limbo had a rant the other day on the way the Great Depression is remembered: The soup kitchen lines that stretched down and around the block. These pictures are a reminder of what a terrible President Herbert Hoover (a Republican) was and what terrible people Republicans in general are.
    He noted that if a similar graphic were done today with taxpayer subsidized programs like the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP), Free Breakfast-Lunch at Schools, etc.; the line would stretch out for miles.
    Depression era (and today’s) soup kitchens were supplemented by private donation (normally people of faith) and the alphabet soup of agencies providing taxpayer supplemented meals today apparently masks the fact that under President Obama, dependence has grown and there are many more desperate people than ever before. Poor Hoover – if only he had the Democrat Party Dominated Media Culture and Social Media Sewer to get better PR.

  2. The chief plank of the democrat platform: “You shall covet your neighbor’s house, your neighbor’s wife, his ox and donkey, and everything that belongs to your neighbor.”

    On that basis I think you could make a case that it’s a sin to vote for a democrat.

  3. Selfores….yes. St Paul is run by very liberal Democrats. Minnesota is run by Democrats. We have the most liberal President ever. Yet there is so much starvation going on in St Paul that the city has to send food trucks out in the neighborhoods to give our free food. Daily. You stop on almost any stop light in Minneapolis or St Paul and you will see a homeless panhandler. Just trying to get a few cents to buy some food for the day.
    If the creative crowd were conservatives instead of liberals, there would be all kinds of efforts made to show how much hunger and hopelessness there is under liberal Democrat rule.

  4. Seflores;

    Funny that you mention that.

    Just this morning I saw several people panhandling on every corner of Lexington @ I-94, then another two @ University. The cynic in me wondered if they really had problems, because at least three of these people were wearing nearly new boots and their clothes seemed to be pretty clean.

  5. I had a panhandler confront the missus and me inside the Highland Park Panera last week. “Do you want to help a homeless person?” was her pitch. Since she was wearing New Balance shoes and Pants from Victoria’s Secret, I declined helping that specific “homeless” person.

    I have seen others at the freeway exit, talking on their cell phones, waiting for the next mark.

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