To: The Democrat Party
From: Mitch Berg, Uppity Peasant
Re: Campaign 2016
All,
We’re heading toward a presidential election.
You’re facing a field with a highly-accomplished woman, two Latinos, a black man, two very accomplished surgeons, two CEOs, a couple of Horatio Alger stories, a former Solicitor-General of the United States (that means “a really, really smart lawyer”), a former federal prosecutor who beat the Mob like a bongo drum, and a couple of governors who’ve actually accomplished great things (albeit one fewer than I’d have liked, all things considered).
You’ve got a governor who enthusiastically led a failed state, a career senator who’s famous for his malaprops, a retreaded hippie who would run the economy on unicorn farts, and a “feminist icon” who is where she is precisely because she married an up-and-comer, no different than any other Mad Men-era Scarsdale housewife, and has spent the past 40-odd years enabling him no less than the most abjectly-subjugated burqua-clad Pakistani second wife.
This is the paragraph where I normally throw in the punch line. But I really don’t need one, do I?
That is all.
But FREE STUFF!!!!!!!!
And The Man is keeping you down. The system is rigged.
And racist, don’t forget racist
It’s about logged miles, dontchaknow?