An Al-Quaeda suicide bomber succeeds by – not to make excessive light of the situation – doing what many red-blooded westerners would have encouraged him to do – sticking the bomb where the sun doesn’t shine:
Inside a Saudi palace, the scene was the bloody aftermath of an al Qaeda attack in August aimed at killing Prince Mohammed Bin Nayef, head of Saudi Arabia’s counter terrorism operations.
To get his bomb into this room, Abdullah Asieri, one of Saudi Arabia’s most wanted men, avoided detection by two sets of airport security including metal detectors and palace security. He spent 30 hours in the close company of the prince’s own secret service agents – all without anyone suspecting a thing.
How did he do it?
Taking a trick from the narcotics trade – which has long smuggled drugs in body cavities – Asieri had a pound of high explosives, plus a detonator inserted in his rectum.
Upside: comedy gold for Jon Stewart and Jay Leno.
Downside: according to CBS, it’s currently un-screenable, short of giving cavity searches to airline passengers.
And as nosy as TSA can be, I don’t think even they wanna go there.
This kind of puts a question mark on the sex of the 70 virgins. 😉
Hmmm. Gives new meaning to the expression “breaking wind”, doesn’t it.
Back in 2004, Richard Reid tried to smuggle explosives on board an airplane in his shoes. The TSA’s response was to make us remove our shoes at security checkpoints.
In 2006, London busted the attempt to explode airplanes with explosives hidden in various liquid containers. So the TSA started forbidding us liquids in our carryons.
So now, some assclown (literally) has tried to ASSASSinate a Saudi prince with explosives hidden in his “anal cavity”. Anyone want to guess what the TSA will want to check next?
This link is for Angryclown
http://jobsearch.usajobs.opm.gov/a9tsa.aspx
oh boy, I can’t wait for the daily show and colbert report tonight. And mitch the fact you mentioned leno in the same breath as stewart is insulting. Stewart is at least 10X funnier than leno.
I don’t plan on getting on a plane for a long time now. great now were going to have to bend over and drop trow for some TSA creep who probably didn’t even graduate high school? f*** me, wait thats probably the wrong thing to say right now…
We’re going to need to prepare for flying with a good dose of “Golytely.” Yeesh.
The whole 72 virgins thing in Islam is rather badly understood by most people I’ve heard make claims about it. (Although when I just wrote about that recently, I think I came uncomfortably close to crossing over certain boundaries of restraint and suitability with my co-bloggers on the subject of virginity and Islam, LOL, and nearly got myself moderated.) Suffice it that as a woman, were I one of the faithful, 72 women, virgin or otherwise would not be a very exciting reward.
The translation of houris as virgins is as often translated in other terms, like wives. This and other benefits are the reward for all the faithful, not just martyrs, and not at all for suicide. There are also promises about consuming alcohol without hangovers or drunken stupor, and …….promises of permanent penile erections that never get soft despite ejaculation. Paradise is apparently similar to some ways to the effects of Viagra. And booze. Except that the case can be made that this is metaphorical or allegorical, because in Islam the body is left behind to rot, and one exists as spirit. So, while sex may be non-corporeal, blowing oneself up seems to really be fast-tracking becoming non-corporeal. There are some interesting sexual possibilities with Djinn and angels…..well, never mind. I’m getting close to overstepping those boundaries of good taste again.
There are also issues of how reliable the attribution of these texts might be as well as with the translation, and what is and is not required belief versus…well kind of optional within the religion. So, michevious and risque irreverence aside, Islam seems very poorly understood and the representations about martyrs and virgins is about as inaccurate as describing Christian communion and transubstantiation as ritual cannibalism.
I’m guessing from the reports that the bomb had plastic rather than metal parts to avoid metal detectors noticing it? And 30 HOURS with that staying in body cavity where it was hidden seems like a LONG, LONG time without…shifting… before going ‘BOOM’.
AssClown & Son to the rescue!
I mean, since you’re down there already…….
Dog Gone suggests that our preflight screening should look for signs of acute constipation….
…..and the thought of drugs being THERE also suggests yet another reason to stay sober!
What’s the Arabic phrase for “pull my finger”?
alluah ackbar
bubbasan Says:
September 29th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
“Dog Gone suggests that our preflight screening should look for signs of acute constipation….”
I suppose that is an important consideration for anyone considering a long flight… but not quite what I was thinking, no.
Well, no I was thinking we would all be a bit safer with a better, clearer understanding of the actual beliefs of Islam, and with fewer misconceptions.
That, and I couldn’t help thinking about electroejaculation for purposes of semen collection and freezing……. it was the detonator reference ……zappsadaizy………more or less an explosive result. Also done sometimes with, sometimes without anes…….. Mitch has already written Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!
I have a feeling I’m going to regret hitting submit comment once Angry Clown reads this……. sigh.
Actually, I was thinking what a person who had a pound of C4 up their rear end for 30 hours would be suffering. See what I’m getting at now?
bubbasan wrote:
“Actually, I was thinking what a person who had a pound of C4 up their rear end for 30 hours would be suffering.”
I suppose that suffering is part of what makes it martyrdom, perhaps? It probably hurts less acutely but for a lot longer than when it explodes.
This is terrible, but the tune playing in my head is the children’s song that ends with ‘pop goes the weasel’…. only sung with an arabic accent.
Dog Gone-
You are attempting to use theology to counter religious mockery. Good luck with that! When you are done here you can spend some time discussing Christian theology with Bill Maher.
As for what Islam ‘really’ teaches . . . I can only speak as an infidel and one of the People fo the Book. I’ve studied the history of Islam more than its theology. I assume that at the higher levels of teaching, Islam’s version of Paradise is like the Christian version. All the pleasures the material world offers are corrupted versions of the unadulterated joy that awaits the immortal soul in its perfect union with the Divinity.
As I understand these things (and I am not a theologian) it is no less accurate to describe the Christian Paradise as a place where you will be reunited with lost loved ones while you sit on a cloud strumming a harp, as it is to describe it as a state of eternal communion with the Godhead and the end of all desire, the self obliterated and the self perfected. I imagine that Islamic belief is similar, that the lowest Believer’s dreams of houris and a pleasure garden are no less true than a Sufi mystic’s dream of absolute comprehension of the Unity.
IMHO, this is what makes religion — of a certain type, anyhow — superior to science as a way to view creation. Any world view that requires membership in the top IQ quintile and a PhD in physics to truly understand the nature of reality and the existence of the self is not sufficient to meet the needs of mankind.
The ACLU and others will hate it, but profiling will make screening a hell of a lot easier. Abdominal xrays would actually be a way to detect this kind of bomb, given that the density of explosive is different from stool and the detonators has to have some kind of metal wiring.
Body cavity searches would be a lousy way to screen, apart from the aesthetics, because nobody has fingers long enough. And if you talk to veteran ER personnel they can verify that people put all kinds of weird things in their asses, like Coke bottles and light bulbs. I have seen the xrays myself, way before there was photoshopping.
These latest rationalizations are child’s play for Whoopi compared to her multiple abortions (according to her biographer) and her convictions that abortion isn’t murder and that women who have them should be “revered”.
Whoops, sorry, I was in the wrong comment string.
‘pop goes the weasel’…. only sung with an arabic accent. “
😆 😆 😆
Nice, DG.
But do we know if the plan was to detonate the bomb inside or outside of the cavity.
I’d guess “inside”; I would have to think that dropping trou (or lifting dishdasha and grunting like he’d been eating nothing but beef and cheese for six months in the presence of the Saudi guards would draw *some* suspicion.
How do you detonate a bowel bomb? Eat something spicy?
Story sez cell phone detonator.
I don’t wanna know.
I’m with Mitch; this is already a ‘TMI’ story. I don’t want to know either. Ew.
I’m just glad to have escaped an A.C. comment on what I’ve written.