A Dilemma

As the sales of my first book, Trulbert!, continue to outpace my meager expectations, the question “what next” is occupying more and more of my time.

I’ve been thinking about compiling my Twenty Years Ago Today series into an e-book, for all the people who’ve asked me about it over the past decade (and there have been quite a few).  I am strongly thinking about putting that out this September, in time for the tenth anniversary of the series.

But in terms of original books, as opposed to “Hewitts” (books compiled from blog posts)?

There are a few contenders:

  • “An Accidental Conservative”:  how a guy who by all rights should have been a liberal, became a conservative.  Then a libertarian.  Then a libertarian-conservative again.  And why.   Pros:  that book is largely also already written.  Cons:  I have to dig through a little over 12,000 blog posts to assemble it.
  • “Josef Sklrbczsz, American”:  The story of a young man from an Eastern European goat-town whose entire knowledge of America comes from the mass media.  Then, he comes to America.
  • “Purple Sunset”:  An expansion of my “Secession Diaries” stories, from ten years ago.  Pros:  It’d be a fun piece to write.  Cons:  What?  Me, write a book of absurdist speculative political fiction?

The Twenty Years Ago one is kind of a no-brainer.

Beyond that?  The sky is the limit…

25 thoughts on “A Dilemma

  1. You are not looking at Amazon’s metrics, Mr. Berg. The target demo is girls and women, aged 13-45.
    To really rake in the cash-ola, you need to write a book about a spunky, intelligent young woman, pretty, but not to beautiful to identify with, who falls in love with a transgendered dinosaur vampire. Obviously dinosaurs can’t talk so they should communicate via a telepathic bond. If they meet while working independently to overthrow a cruel, oppressive future American government so much the better. Perhaps the head of this oppressive future American government could be the heroine’s father. The possibilities are endless!
    Okay, so they aren’t endless and are actually kind of cramped.
    You can’t serve God and Mammon.

  2. Just scrape every single comment from Dog Gone, Angry Clown and Penigma and compile them into a single tome titled “Insanity: Insane Insaneness From the Insane.” As a bonus, you’d set the Guinness World Record for having the longest, most meaningless book ever published at roughly 35,000 pages.

  3. The girl in the book should have red hair. Her nickname should reflect this, maybe “flame”. You can preface the book with a bit from that Sylivia Plath poem about women who crave male attention —

    Out of the ash
    I rise with my red hair
    And I eat men like air.

    That’ll sucker in the English majors and give it a more literate vibe.
    Give it a title that makes it obvious that the book is about a girl who can’t be ignored and references her strange, otherworldly coppertop, something like “Fire Alarm.”
    Also, the heroine should have an overly hetero ex-boyfriend. Her new relationship with the transgendered telepathic dinosaur threatens him. He doubt his own masculinity, n’est ce pas? Great opportunity for resolution of this question at the denouement.
    The girl should also have an AI friend that lives in her cell phone. Everyone has a cell phone connected to a giant computer, but it only has confessed to her that it is self-aware. Why her? Only she has treated it like a human being with thoughts and feelings of its own.
    I am handing you the keys to the kingdom, here, MBerg. I don’t think that it is too early to talk franchise.

  4. While you’re writing the next book keep the word script in mind! You don’t want Hollywood doing to you what they did to Clancy’s Sum of All Fears

  5. I like the one about the guy who knows about America only from mass media. I remember a fun evening back in 1989 where I was trying to persuade a lovely Bavarian couple that had taken me in for the night that all of America was not a war zone like Washington DC. I do not think I succeeded! :^)

  6. “and how many books have you sold?”
    in the words of the immortal Carl Sagan “billions and billions”.

  7. Emery wrote:
    “MBerg: What exactly were your expectations and how many books have you sold?”
    Philistine.

  8. Some people think writers swallow wood pulp and crap out best sellers. It ain’t that simple, Bubba. Especially if you want to keep your artistic integrity.

  9. A creative artist and writer cannot be expected to perform at his best with the specter of penury always at his back.

  10. I asked my English prof “why does James Joyce go on and on about the Christmas dinner that they serve in The Dead?”
    “Because he was hungry” she responded.

  11. Emery: What Prussian said.

    And I expected to sell zero. I’m considerably north of that.

  12. “Not every flower can say love, but a rose can. Not every plant survives thirst, but a cactus can. Not every retard can read, but look at you go, little buddy! I don’t care if you lick windows, or have intercourse with farm animals. You hang in there cupcake, you’re fucking special to me, you’re my friend, look at you smiling at your phone! You crayon eating bastard you!”

  13. Tolkien wrote the final draft of The Lord of the Rings while he was on sick leave from Oxford to get all of his teeth pulled out. He was about Mitch’s age then.
    Just sayin’.

  14. Emery: Straighter answer? My royalties are enough to put a nice down payment on my next vacation, so far.

    If I get another surge in sales, maybe I’ll pay for the whole thing.

  15. “My royalties are enough to put a nice down payment on my next vacation, so far.”
    Turtle Lake Resort and Casino?

  16. Emery, the correct answer is Mitch’s book has earned 100% more than yours. But don’t get your dobber down, ya poor slob. Plagiarize yourself a masterpiece!…it worked for Fareed Zakaria, Ward Churchill and many other your favorite leftist heroes.

    So get to it…those passages ain’t gonna copy themselves. And don’t don’t pull a Hillary, son. Wipe your search history clean right away!

  17. LMAO!! I left a review on Amazon this morning, and Prof Kreapy responded within an hour…That fucking lunatic is stalking MBergs Amazon page…and here I though he was dead!

    When they exhume his dessicated body from underneath his hoard of rotting trash bags, feces and #deadcats I want to be on hand to tell the reporters (with an appropriately somber face) “we all knew something like this was going to happen”. Hahahaha!

    Emery, stay close…Gleason is gonna need someone to be his pall bearer. You should start Googling for an appropriate eulogy to plagiarize. Hahaha!

  18. “What are they [sic] externalities of a crayon.

    Excellent sub title when the proper syntax is applied Emery! Go, little cowboy; go!

  19. MBerg: Does your self–publishing venture present and opportunity for public speaking and use the publicity gained by your book to justify higher speaking fees?

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