I was digging through some old websites that I created, easily 3-4 years before I discovered blogging, when putting opinion on the web involved a lot of futzing around with HTML, FTP and various badly-designed “web editing” tools.

And I stumbled across a 1998 edition of the “DFL Dictionary”.

And I figured it was a lot better than the one I wrote in 2002, although I’m probably not the one to judge.

So here it is:  the 1998 edition of The DFL Dictionary:

One of very few things that binds us as a people is our common language. 

So it was with great concern that I received, from an informant within  the Minnesota Democratic-Farmer-Labor (DFL) party, a copy of their official internal dictionary.  It is clear – the DFL, as part of a larger left-wing conspiracy, intends to coopt the English Language!

Read it, and forward it, get angry about it.  This is serious, and it is very scary. 

 The DFL Dictionary

   TOP SECRET

The contents of this document are highly sensitive to the party’s communication, and must not be divulged to anyone outside the Minnesota Democratic-Farmer-Labor Party Executive Committee.

Purpose

In the interest of fostering diversity, it was deemed necessary to develop a tool to allow DFL activists to all speak precisely the same language in public or media discourse. 

The Dictionary

Abuse – Noun: when any Man  hits, talks sternly to or offends the sensitivities of any Family member.  See Self-Defense.

Abstinence – Noun: Construct of Dead, White European Males to oppress Womyn.

Activist Group – Any Radical group that supports DFL policies by any means  Ex: Nations of Islam, Symbionese Liberation Army, the IRA, National Organization of Womyn.

Africa – Noun: a place with endemic and epidemic ethnic violence and corrosive intertribal prejudice that frequently explodes into genocidal horrors, which is nonetheless home to thousands of villages after which we should model our Family-raising practices.

Almanac – A news program, which, despite the fact that it’s produced by a bunch of upper-middle-class-guilt-afflicted white yuppies whose employment depends on a government subsidy from a DFL-controlled legislature, is “an objective look at current affairs in Minnesota”.

Asia – Noun: a place with deeply institutionalized societal racism and corrosive interethnic prejudice that frequently explodes into genocidal horrors, which is nonetheless home to the only non-animistic Religion  approved by Hollywood ®.

Businesspeople – People who don’t want to work for the Government, and are as such an oppressive construct designed by Dead White European Males.

Campaign Finance Reform – A plan to get big money out of politics, to give voice to those who really deserve a bigger voice in politics –  big labor and the media.

Censorship Noun – Bowdlerization or expungement of literature, media or communication practised by conservative groups.  Not to be mistaken for heckling or disrupting the speech of those disagreeing with the DFL or liberal policies, or campus speech codes designed to protect the sensitivities of Protected Groups.  See Speech Codes.

Choice – Noun: having the option to abort a fetus, expose one’s private parts or burn a flag in public.  See Essential Human Rights.  Sometimes confused with Freedom.  Specific exceptions: Guns, Private Property, personal income.

Class Struggle – Verb: The age-old struggle of the DFL and the working-class, disenfranchised person against the oppression of a huge, arrogant ruling class.  Except for the NRA.

Client Noun: Anyone served by the welfare system.

Conservatism Noun: see Hate

Constitution – The First amendment and a bunch of other negotiable stuff.  Superceded by “Essential Human Rights”

Criminal Victim of grave societal injustice.  Potential Client.  (Exception: Men)

DFL The Democratic Farmer Labor Party, and its’ wholly owned subsidiaries (the Minneapolis Star-Tribune, Minnesota Public Radio, Vance Opperman, the Hubert H. Humphrey Institute and the MFT)

Diversity  Noun: People who look different than you, but think the same.  Specificially excludes Conservatives,

Europe 

• Noun: Anscestral Home of the dreaded “Dead White European Male”, a place to be reviled and castigated.
• Except for their social programs
• And gun control

Family Noun: a Womyn and her Children.  See also Man, Father

Family Planning

• Noun: any means of preventing childbirth except abstinence.
• Noun: the utter lack of planning one’s family
• Verb: Euphemism for aborting a fetus.

Farmers

• Noun: people who grow plants on actual farms and do not vote for the DFL.
• Noun: a vestigial part of the term DFL which lost meaning when they all started voting Republican.

Fascist Adj: describing any idea one disagrees with. Commonly heard around U of M College of Liberal Arts,  Macalester College. 

Father

• Noun: A lifestyle option for a Family. 
• Noun: Payer of child-support to a Family.
• Noun: Construct of Dead, White European Males, considered obsolete and oppressive as part of the Family (q.v)
• Verb: the act of creating both a new Client and Father (see definitions 1-3).

Freedom 

• Noun: The Sixties.  See Essential Human Rights.
• Noun: Conservative notions of Liberty (see “Slavery”)  right to own property, defend self, be free of government intervention in one’s life.  Officially obsolete. 
• Adj: Another word for “Nothing Left To Lose”.  A mantra of baby-boomer liberal yuppies who drive to DFL caucuses in their turbo Saabs.
• Noun: Lack of want for rent, food, medical care or official concern for your happiness.  See “Needs”
• When combined with “responsibility”, some Radical  DFLers call it “slavery”.

Genocidal Adj: Any activity that liberals find offensive.

God

• Noun: Grace Slick’s first name for her daughter.
• Noun: Dead White European Males’ rival concept to government.  Officially obsolete.  (exception: the Wiccan form “Goddess”, Native American and Buddist-via-California varieties).
• Good, Evil, Right or Wrong: Construct of Dead, White,  European Males, considered obsolete and oppressive.

Government Noun: the only human body capable of any good.  Never capable of evil.  All knowing, all benificent. 

Guns Noun: The root of all evil, when in the hands of the law-abiding citizen.  Exceptions: Police, Sixties terrorists.   See Criminal, NRA.

Hate

• Verb or Noun: Dissent from DFL positions on anything from Race Relations to school textbooks.
• Noun: see Conservatism

Hollywood®  – Noun, Adjective: A town full of intensely greedy, filthy-rich white men who traffic in Pornography and Violence  who are nonetheless fully acceptable as Liberals.  Exceptions: Tom Selleck, Charleton Heston, Warren Zevon.

Humphrey Institute  – An Educational body that, despite staff that are pro-big-labor, anti-business, pro-high-tax, anti-gun, pro-abortion, anti-free-enterprise and pro-government intervention, is still acceptably liberal.  A wholly-owned subsidiary of the DFL

Hypocrisy Any disconnect between action and statement regarding any moral issue.  Don’t See: Andy Dawkins, Paul Wellstone, Bill or Hillary Clinton.

Individual Noun: A biological construct fully dependant on Government for all of life’s necessities and Needs

Intelligence: Something that is only recognized as occurring in DFLers.  “Intelligence” in Republicans is always referred to as “Hate”

Labor – Noun: A vestigial part of the term DFL which lost any literal meaning when they all got jobs with the state.
“Organized Labor”  a fully-owned subsidiary of the DFL (q.v)
Noun: Something the DFL doesn’t want womyn to go through.
Love  Noun: Total Agreement with all DFL policies

Lying – Verb: When a non-Democratic politician makes a statement that is not strictly true.  See “Truth”

Macalester College – Berkeley without the tan.  See also Saint Catherine’s.

Man – Noun: Construct of Dead, White European Males, considered obsolete and oppressive as part of the Family (q.v) or Society.

Marriage – An oppressive institution designed by Dead White European Males to enslave Families.

• Unless the couple is Gay, in which case it’s an important legislative priority.

Media Noun:an industry which, while anti-free-enterprise, pro-choice, anti-gun, and who relentlessly fawn over Democratic candidates and personalities nationwide, are officially “Not Liberal” and have no “left wing bias”  See Almanac, Star/Tribune, MPR.

Military

• Unless you’re a gay who wants to serve
• Noun: Terrible ugly horrible people in tacky clothes
• Unless you need to bomb aspirin factories in the Sudan.
• Synonym:  “Scapegoat”.

Military Service – Noun: Something that wasn’t important until Dan Quayle became Vice President, and then ceased to be important again.

Minnesota Public Radio

• A Media body that, despite editorial policies that are pro-big-labor, anti-business, pro-high-tax, anti-gun, pro-abortion, anti-free-enterprise and pro-government intervention, is really not Liberal .  See Star/Tribune.
• Minnesota outlet for National Public Radio, a large, largely taxpayer funded organization of cliquish eastern media aristocrats which, despite the fact that its editorial and content policies that are pro-big-labor, anti-business, pro-high-tax, anti-gun, pro-abortion, anti-free-enterprise and pro-government intervention, is really not Liberal .
• A wholly-owned subsidiary of the DFL

Needs – Noun: Things that must be supplied to Individuals by the Government or its authorized agents: Food, shelter, birth control and family counseling, sensitivity. Government services and free expression (but not as to private property, self-defense or Religion).

NRA – An overwhelmingly working-class group that is nonetheless a tool of the aristocracy and who don’t know what’s good for them.  See Class Struggle.

Outstate – Fascists, largely controlled by Farmers

Partisan 

• Noun:  Anyone who disagrees with any DFL stance.
• Adj: Refers to any belief that differs in any particular from a DFL stance, for any reason. 

Penis

• An oppressive construct designed by Dead White European Males to enslave and oppress Families.
• Unless owned by a Gay Person.

Person – A non-gender-specific reference to a humyn.

Political Correctness – Noun: [erased].  Never existed.  And it was something the Republicans made up, anyway.  Democrats never had any such concept.

Pornography

• Sexual Exploitation of Womyn for Entertainment.
• Unless it’s Art.
• Or from Hollywood ®

Private Property

• Noun: An oppressive construct designed by Dead White European Males to enslave Families.
• Noun: Future potential property of the Government

Progressive – Adj: Total Agreement with all DFL positions.  See “Love”.Protected GroupsAny group that has been victimized by Whites and/or men.  Except whites and/or men.

Radical – An activist who harms people or destroys property in pursuit of causes the DFL approves of.

Regressive: Adj: Dissent from DFL positions.  See “Hate”, “Conservative”.

Religion

• Noun: An oppressive construct designed by Dead White European Males to enslave Womyn.
• Noun: something to be ruthlessly excised from public schools.
  Unless it’s Native American, Wiccan, approved by Hollywood ® and/or the World Council of Churches, and/or doesn’t recognize the concepts of Good, Evil, Right or Wrong.

Right-Wing Hate Group

• Any organization that dissents from DFL policy, usually composed of potential Terrorists.  Examples: Boy Scouts of America, Promise Keepers, the Baptist Church, the NRA, Family Resource Council. 
• Antonym: Activist Group

Rights Noun: describes the essential rights:

• The right to be free from want, fear or anxiety.  Except over the environment.
• The right never to be offended.  Unless you’re white and/or male.
  The right to abort a fetus without question at any age
• Complete artistic freedom (except when the art offends the sensitivities of any Protected Groups
• The right to obtain birth control at any age in any place for free.
• The right to complete freedom of speech that doesn’t offend Protected Groups
• Protection from unnecessary punishment if you are a criminal
• The right to practice the removal of any religion (q.v) that doesn’t agree with DFL policies.

Ronald Reagan A right-wing Legend.  He Never Existed.

Self-Defense Noun: When any Family (q.v) member kills or injures any Man (q.v) for any reason at all.  See Abuse.

Sex – An oppressive construct designed by Dead White European Males to humiliate and degrade Womyn.

• Unless it’s between Gays.
• Or Baby-Boomers who were once Radicals
• Or High School kids using school-provided Birth Control or who plan to use DFL-approved Family Planning.

Speech Codes Noun: Sort of like Censorship, only practiced by people who agree with the DFL.

Star/Tribune

• Prop. Noun: A Media body that, despite editorial policies that are pro-big-labor, anti-business, pro-high-tax, anti-gun, pro-abortion, anti-free-enterprise and pro-government intervention, is really Conservative
• A wholly-owned subsidiary of the DFL

Subsidy – Giving people other people’s money to enable them to do what they do, which is a good thing if it’s NPR, the Coalition to Take Back the Night or any of a thousand “artists” living off State grants, but not when it’s businesspeople.  See Welfare.

Terrorist – An activist that harms people or destroys property that dissents from policies the DFL approves of.  Not to be confused with Kathleen Soliah.

The Sixties

• Noun, Verb, Adjective: All that is/was well and good in the world.  Freedom, love, peace, tranquility.  That for which we strive.  See “Freedom”.
• Noun: Substitute for God

Truth – Noun: whatever makes us feel good.

Vance Opperman A filthy-rich white man who is nonetheless fully acceptable as a liberal.  See George Soros

Violence

• Anything that oppresses Protected Groups or Families
• Porrnography
• Meat
• Unless it’s Art related to Gay Sadomasochism
• Or  it’s from Hollywood ®.

Welfare – Giving people other people’s money to enable them to do what they do, which is a good thing if it’s MPR, the Coalition to Take Back the Night or any of a thousand “artists” living off State grants, but not when it’s businesspeople.  See Subsidy.

So I really haven’t changed all that much in 11 years.  And either has the DFL.
 

This entry was posted by by Mitch Berg on Friday, August 28th, 2009 at 12:07 pm and is filed under Democrat Party, mitch. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.