All Talk
By Mitch Berg
SCENE: Mitch BERG is setting up a grill on his porch, getting ready for a little pre-spring grilling. Victor VON-SCHLIEFFENBERG-MOLTKE pulls up, parks his car, and walks up the sidewalk to BERG’s porch.
VON-SCHLIEFFENBERG-MOLTKE: Hah, Berg! The GOP doesn’t have the guts to say anything like this:
BERG: So you’ve got what, here? A slick, cutesy meme about what the Libertarian Party would do, if it were in power?
VON-SCHLIEFFENBERG-MOLTKE: Yep! The GOP doesn’t have the balls to say anything of the sort!
BERG: Huh. I guess you’re right. But I’ve got a question for you.
VON-SCHLIEFFENBERG-MOLTKE: Shoot.
BERG: Does the Libertarian Party have “the balls” to say anything like this?
MITCH BERG will save 8 TRILLION DOLLARS
by INSTANTLY PRIVATIZING THE ENTIRE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT!
WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY DATING SCARLETT JOHANNSON AND JENNIFER LAWRENCE!
Has the Libertarian Party said anything like this yet?
VON-SCHLIEFFENBERG-MOLTKE: Well, no…
BERG: Statists! RINOs! Impure! Unable to talk the big-enough-talk!
VON-SCHLIEFFENBERG-MOLTKE: But…but…you can’t actually make any of that happen!
BERG: Right! And the Libertarian Party can’t make anything it says happen either. So go away and don’t come back until the Libertarian Party can talk really big!
VON-SCHLIEFFENBERG-MOLTKE glumly shuffles back to his car.
And SCENE.
March 4th, 2015 at 2:47 pm
I would vote Libertarian if I could date Scarlett Johannson and Jennifer Lawrence. I’d even vote Democrat. We all have our price, it’s just determining where it is.
March 4th, 2015 at 3:59 pm
forty years of loosing virtually every election in which they have run a candidate, and losing them badly, has not convinced the Libertarians that there ideology is unpopular with voters.
“Reason”, indeed.
March 4th, 2015 at 4:14 pm
Libertarian principles are great. Too many self-identified Libertarians are jackasses.
March 4th, 2015 at 7:14 pm
Small-l libertarian principles result in good government — under most circumstances. Making a fetish out of Objectivism is as silly as making a fetish out of Marx’s bizarre ideas about the material dialectic. Marxism and Libertarianism have more in common than Libertarians would like to believe.
March 9th, 2015 at 1:21 pm
The Department of Education’s annual budget is about $70-80 billion. How does eliminating it cut $200 billion a year?