Trouble

SCENE:  Mitch BERG is waiting for new tires to be put on his car.   

Bill GUNKEL, former Republican who is now chairmain of the Inver Grove Heights chapter of “Former Republicans for Ron Paul”, walks in.

GUNKEL:  Boy, is the GOP in trouble!

BERG:  Huh.  Hey, Bill.  Why do you say that?

GUNKEL:  Because a GOP legislator in Montana proposed legislation to ban yoga pants in public!

BERG:  Wait – that proposal was unanimously tabled by the GOP-dominated committee to which it was introduced, without so much as a hearing.   They killed it.  Dead.

GUNKEL:  Yeah, but this is proof that the GOP is in huge trouble!BERG:  Er, OK.  Why is that?

GUNKEL:  Because a Republican introduced legislation banning yoga pants in public! They hate liberty!

BERG:  “They” unceremoniously shot the bill down.  It’s dead. Gone.

GUNKEL:  Yeah, but this is proof that the GOP is in huge trouble!

BERG:  Right – you said that.  So given that the GOP also killed the bill, why do you say that?

GUNKEL:  Because a Republican introduced legislation banning yoga pants in public! They hate liberty!

BERG:  Look, the state of Montana is controlled by the GOP; the House of Representatives is 2:1 GOP.  Montana has very low taxes, in effect no speed limit, they’ve nullified both Obamacare and any unconstitutional federal gun laws, and they are in general a vastly freer state than most of the lower 48 – all under GOP control.  That’s as compared to Minnesota, which – believe it or not – all you Ronulans haven’t managed to turn into a Free State Project home base just yet.

GUNKEL:  Yeah, but pull your head out, sheeple; this is proof that the GOP is in huge trouble!

BERG:  Um, OK.  Why?

GUNKEL:  Because a Republican introduced legislation banning yoga pants in public! They hate liberty!

BERG:  Except the rest of the Montana Republicans took the bill OUT of contention.

GUNKEL:  Yeah, but this is proof that the GOP is in huge trouble!

BERG:  Don’t say “Because a Republican introduced legislation banning yoga pants in public! They hate liberty”.

GUNKEL:  Because a Republican introduced legislation banning yoga pants in public! They hate liberty!

Avery LIBRELLE walks into the lobby. 

BERG:  I never thought I’d say this, but Avery!  Thank goodness you’re here!

And SCENE

10 thoughts on “Trouble

  1. I’m always amazed how this goes — any Republican, anywhere, does something that might raise an eyebrow. Within 20 minutes at least 25-30 FB friends feel compelled to share the news.

  2. Perhaps you could give Ron Paul guy and yoga pants guy equal time on TV. Yoga pants guy could explain how yoga pants are destroying America’s moral fiber and Ron Paul could explain how Jews control the Whitehouse.

  3. Lol! Maybe you could get Gunkel and Librelle into a discussion. The positive feedback loop would be stupendous!

  4. I was having lunch with some friends last summer, and a gal walked in wearing yoga pants. One of my friends was brazenly admiring her, so she says “what are you looking at?”

    He breaks out into a toothy smile and says, “Your [vagina]* display. Very nice!” (And it was, too!)

    She didn’t appreciate the compliment, which makes me wonder if the yoga pant revolution is just a symptom of forgetfulness running rampant in young, female circles. I mean, did she not realize what she had on?

    *edited for work reading.

  5. You got trouble? cuing Professor Harold Hill

    I’m just glad, per Swiftee’s comment, that Lululemon finally learned that you’ve got to specify the grade of knit in their products so we can’t see absolutely EVERYTHING.

    My take on the fad is that it’s a way that a woman can get attention without being truly attractive, kinda like tops where the bodice line is 3mm from an arrest for indecent exposure. You can hide a lot of flaws with stretch knits.

  6. Swiftee, at one of my previous employments there were a couple women who wore yoga pants and spandex to work a lot. One of my fellow contractors was from the UK and used to refer to them as “mumblers” or the mumble twins. After a few weeks they asked why he called them that. His answer; “Because I can see your lips moving but I can’t make out what you’re trying to say”. It took a couple days for the penny to drop but the spandex and yoga pants disappeared.

  7. Compared to Minnesota, Montana is a Interesting state politically. Generally speaking, it’s so overwhelmingly conservative that the previous governor, a democrat, proposed an actual cut to education spending to balance the budget, and not in a “I’ll cut it, unless you raise taxes kinda way.”
    It’s also definitely got some interventionist tendencies. Bozeman used to charge Big Box retailers (Target, Wal-Mart, etc) extra fees and give the money to the Main Street (literally) Mom & Pops. That was ended by the federal courts.
    Either this yoga pants idiot is Republican because of staunch social conservatism or he’s liberal that joined the GOP because the Democrats aren’t viable in his area (this Twin Cities/Detroit/Chicago in Bizarro World). Doesn’t matter which. Good on his own party for smothering his idiocy and thanks for reporting that part Mitch. Haven’t seen it in any of the click bait headlines I’ve seen on FB.

  8. So if one piss-ant GOP legislator in a flyover state like Montana is emblematic of the entire GOP and Republicanism in general, should I hold my breath waiting for Democrats to acknowledge that this is emblematic of their party?
    “Long-time Democratic Oregon Gov. John Kitzhaber on Friday announced his resignation amid allegations his fiancee used her relationship with him to enrich herself. ”
    http://www.cnbc.com/id/102413704#.
    PS: The Gov’s replacement is a woman who is married (ed: to a man) but prefers women sexually.
    “Oregon Secretary of State Kate Brown (D) will become the first openly bisexual governor in U.S. history when Gov. John Kitzhaber (D) resigns Wednesday.” Keep (deep blue) Oregon Weird!!

  9. Hey, if Republicans should be ashamed because someone deigned to try to ban “mumblers” (how HR didn’t get involved with that one….), what about Democrats with Obama and his selfie stick?

    I think that’s why he wants the Internet regulated, so we have to watch that….fertilizer.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.