Open Letter To Mayor Betsy Hodges

To:  Betsy Hodges – Mayor, City of Minneapolis
From: Mitch Berg, Uppity Peasant
Re:  Protest Plans

Dear Mayor Hodges,

I, like (I take it, after the news that the Minneapolis Police were ordered to facilitate rather than hinder the blocking of I35W by protesters yesterday) you, am a big believer in the First Amendment right to free speech, especially free speech focused on political protest. 

This is especially important, since it wasn’t all that long ago that Tea Party protesters were being harassed by the police for waving signs above the freeway as “too distracting”. 

This seems like a major step forward!

So if it’s OK with you, I’d very much like to reserve I35W at 28th Street for some of my friends; the limited-government, pro-Second-Amendment, pro-life, pro-school-choice, fiscal-responsibility and other right-of-center movements. 

Have your people call my people!

That is all.


3 thoughts on “Open Letter To Mayor Betsy Hodges

  1. To heck with protesting. If all it takes to use a freeway is the desire to make a statement, I know a radio control aircraft club that would love to make a statement using the freeway as a runway for some jet RC planes.

  2. Don’t worry about a phone call, I’m sure they’ll send a couple of up-armored peace-mobiles and some friendly, uniformed robocops to our door to facilitate the application process.

  3. Mr.Berg:
    I Greatly enjoyed, and I wish to state that I also think you hit the perfect tone of polite conciliation in your syntax and word-choices.

    However: I find myself wrung w/anxiety, wondering if you’ve visited your state’s medical insurance exchange and procured a policy covering accidental injuries sustained during visits by state and city employees, while wearing ski-masks and who, due to their heavy schedule of appearances, tend to visit members of the hoi-paloi between 02:00h and 04:00h.

    These state & city workers “mean well”, but real-life reports indicate, overwhelmingly, that they are quite clumsy and accident-prone.

    Indeed… the confirmed instances of the visited hoi-paloi’s property and chattels sustaining dire “accidental” damage— pets and livestock “accidentally” damaged, ranging from severe to permanently incapacitating to complete destruction and death are almost so frequent as to be called commonplace— to say nothing of the damage to the visited hoi-paloi’s domicile, vehicle(s), and the surrounding grounds.

    And I am not even going to mention the somewhat less frequent, but still statistically significant, incidents of the hoi-paloi subjected to such visits fare worse than their chattels— sometimes even necessitating that the said chattles seek new ownership.

    Of course, not to persist in only studying the negative, there have been times where the “clumsiness” of state/city-employed, ski-masked no-knock latecomers have left a hoi-paloi w/nifty new items: a nice new plastic, metal or ceramic occipital-replacement piece, a need for a colostomy-bag, a replacement for a troublesome limb… the need for any of which cheerfully provided by the state/city visitation.

    And I won’t even mention all the money saved by a very nice old lady when, due to a ski-masked supervisor’s momentary failure at counting house numbers— and five weeks prior to her and her spouse attending a fantastically expensive cruise to celebrate their sixty-fifth year of wedded bliss— she was provided the opportunity to forego the massively expensive cruise in favor of a much less expensive cremation!

    In fact, she saved so much on the cremation option that she could afford to provide the same gift to their little beagle… who mysteriously also became unable to attend the cruise during the same visit.

    Good luck, Mr.Berg! We’ll keep you in our prayers here, at my home.

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