After eight years of dubbing non-Klansman John Ashcroft “AshKKKroft”, comparing emphatic non-Nazis George Bush, Dick Cheney and Arnold Scharzenegger to Hitler, Himmler and Heydrich, and calling every economic downturn on a Republican’s watch “The Worst Since The Depression (TM)”, some lefties have found accuracy they can believe in.
“Comparing the Tea Parites to the Boston Tea Party is historically inaccurate”, I’ve heard more than a few lefties insist. “They were protesting against taxation without representation”.
Well, true, as far as it goes. Of course, the “Tea Party” idiom has grown over the centuries to mean – in regular conversation – any kind of blow against arrogant, wastrel authority, but no matter. The interesting bit for me is “what did the forefathers of these suddently-accurate lefties do when it was their turn to strike a blow for strict, pointillistic accuracy?”
So I dug through the archives.
May 8, 1945, New York (AP): Bob DeGrasse is having nothing to do with “VE Day”.
“We haven’t defeated Europe”, DeGrasse emphasizes, nervously twisting the ends of his stylized van dyk beard. “we defeated Germany, which in German is called Deutschland. This observance should be called “VD Day” or, to be completely accurate, Sieg Trotz Deutschland, or “STD”, Day.
“There really is no honest alternative”.
January 31, 1999, Seattle (UPI) – As the world awaits the historic, and possibly fraught, switchover to the new millenium, many worry about possible terrorist strikes expanding on the confusion.
Phoebe Napolitino disagrees.
“The new Millennium”, she enounces carefully, “doesn’t begin until January 1, 2001”. She perches her horn-rimmed glasses on her nose. “By which I mean, the first of January, 2001, or New Years day of 2001”.
“Terrorists wont’ strike ’til then”.
June 9, 1933, Dnepropetrovsk, Ukraine (Tass) – Dmitri Holodomoriuk has had it up to here with Soviet prosecutors.
“All these people being taking away for “right-wing activity”, Holodomoriuk muttered under his breath “are mostly just peasants who never had a political thought in their…”
Holodomoriuk’s sentence was intewrrupted by being grabbed and thrown into a Black Maria, never to be seen again.
Peoples’ Commissariat spokeswoman Zhanina Napolitanska has not returned comment.
History shows the importance of accuracy.