Land Spreadin’ Out So Far And Wide
By Mitch Berg
Sari Gordon Mwrites about moving to the country to be a writer:
I coerced my husband into moving out here so I could pursue what so many other writers dream of, a nice place to be alone with my thoughts. My husband went along with it because the farmhouse came with a huge new garage.
Another “slick urban fish in a rural pond” story? More “I can’t find kickass Oaxacan tacos, and my neighbors are bible-thumping gun-toting rubes!” anecdotes?
My dream was inspired by Dolly Parton. The story goes that, once a year, Dolly spends a week in her childhood cabin in the mountains alone. She ditches the wardrobe, the make-up, and the wigs. In the cabin she has no phone, electricity, no plumbing. And once she gets there, she fasts for five days. After that, she says, the songs come, and she writes.
OK. I’ll cop to it. I wanted to hate the story. I tried to hate the story.
But it’s not bad. Worth a read.
Especially for the slick urban fish.
April 13th, 2009 at 1:38 pm
When we moved out to the boonies my wife made two comments that stuck out in my mind.
“Why have a cabin up north when you can drive home to it every night?”
“Who needs a therapist when you have horses?”
Certainly justifies a bigger gas bill when you look at it that way.
These days I view having to drive inside the 694/494 loop as deserving hazardous duty pay and is a rare event.
April 13th, 2009 at 2:01 pm
I live in a subdivision carved out of the rain forest on the Big Island:
http://tinyurl.com/cgbb4f
It is very quiet. The nearest building with more than two stories is about fifteen miles away. So is the nearest public school, police department, full-service grocery store, etc, though I do have electricity, cable television, and a broadband internet connection.
It must be all those luxuries that keep me from being a writer. Yeah, that’s it.
April 13th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
“19. WalMart is evil only until you need to go there: The produce is cheaper and sometimes better than local grocery stores can provide. Small businesses depend on cheap ingredients, so WalMart’s leveraged buying is a boost to the local economy.
20. Also, home-cooked Amish goods are nearly always made with the cheapest and industrial sized ingredients available. Though the handicapped spaces are always full at WalMart, there are no horse-and-buggy spots.”
Wow, an elitest gets some diversity training. But you are correct, the little story was not bad or belittling. No mention of the Ellsworth Pamida though.
April 13th, 2009 at 4:29 pm
You 612ers need to keep yer ass back in the cities where ya belong!!!
612ers GO HOME!
April 13th, 2009 at 5:29 pm
She’s right about home-made Amish things. My wife and I bought a “blueberry pie” once from an Amish stand, and you could pretty much count the berries in it. The rest was a corn starch sauce.
April 13th, 2009 at 8:23 pm
Home-made Amish food is generic. But getting them to build your house, as much brother in law did, is worth it. The thing is built like a tank and the craftsmanship is very good. He did the flooring himself, though, since he wanted a nicer finish on that than they’d do; power equipment makes a difference when you’re sanding!
April 14th, 2009 at 9:27 am
Also, don’t hire them to DJ your wedding. Trust Angryclown on that one.
April 14th, 2009 at 11:25 am
Did the Amish get a “shunning” from AssClown for it? 😆