Expertise

With the news that the “Center for American ‘Progress'” invited Christina Hendricks to speak at a summit about the plight of single working mothers (one of which she is not, but she plays one, sort of, onMad Men), a mere 20 years after non-biochemist Meryl Streep was invited to Capitol Hill to lecture Congress about the perils of Alar (a pesticide) on apples, it might be good to give Big Left some other noted experts:

We should invite:

 Expert  To Speak On:
 Aaron Paul  Youth Crime and Drug Abuse
Tom Hanks  Wilderness and Open Ocean Survival
Larry Hagman  Middle Eastern Mythology
Tom Hanks  Counterterrorism
Ron Perlman  Organized Crime in the Rural Southwest
Tom Hanks  Small Unit Tactics
Mary Lynn Rajskub  Cyberterrorism
 James Caviezel  Theology of the New Testament
 Ron Perlman  Countersniper Tactics
 Zach Braff  Non-Surgical Interventions for Ischemic Bowel Syndrome
 Justin Timberlake  Preservation of Appendages after Traumatic Amputation
Steven Colbert The Intellectual Roots of Conservatism

Any others?

18 thoughts on “Expertise

  1. Since he died last year, we just have to find a replacement for Larry Hagman.

  2. “Since he died last year, we just have to find a replacement for Larry Hagman.”

    I say, if he can still vote in Chicago he stays on the list.

  3. James Caan on tollbooth design
    Ned Beatty on [redacted]
    Steve Buscemi on OSHA violations

  4. One shouldn’t be shocked by all the star fu***** Congress does but I have to admit to shedding a tear for our democracy when Seth Rogen (a TV-movie celebrity & Canadian citizen) came before a Senate committee to testify – no, not on the damage marijuana legalization will visit upon the nation by inflicting even more stoner/slacker movies on us – but rather the lack of awareness & funding for Alzheimers study. See, his mother-in-law is afflicted and until this happened to “him” he was unaware of the disease and it’s affect on families.
    Unintentionally funny thing that happened – 4 of the 6 Senators attending got up and walked out during his testimony to attend other hearings (unknown whether or not celebrities were testifying at those hearings). Afterwards, Seth and the celebrity media covering the event had a little tantrum. Hopefully, someone had some sticky icky to ease Seth’s pain.
    http://www.theverge.com/2014/2/27/5453488/seth-rogen-senate-testimony-alzheimers-research

  5. Michael Douglas and Leo DiCaprio on investing for fun and profit.
    John Travolta on how to perform cardiac resuscitation with an intracardiac needle.
    Tim Robbins on rock polishing.
    Bryan Cranston on organic chemical synthetic techniques.

  6. Heath Ledger on psychotic breakdowns… oh wait. That’s dark even for me

  7. Kiefer Sutherland as a counterterroist tactics, Harrison Ford on how to act as president, be a kickass archeologist and prove your innocence despite being a wanted criminal.

    Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith on having to deal with other life forms.

  8. Night Writer, I’m afraid that Godzilla was already scheduled for the panel on the effects of low blood sugar and behavior which commences at the same time. Melvin Ferd was brought in as his substitute.

  9. One shouldn’t be shocked by all the star fu***** Congress does but I have to admit to shedding a tear for our democracy when Seth Rogen (a TV-movie celebrity & Canadian citizen) came before a Senate committee to testify – no, not on the damage marijuana legalization will visit upon the nation by inflicting even more stoner/slacker movies on us – but rather the lack of awareness & funding for Alzheimers study.

    Part of me (the part that doesn’t want to just eliminate most Congressional testimonies because they’re a waste of time and taxpayer dollars) wishes that a member of the Senate committee had grilled Seth Rogan (who has earned a spot in Tartarus for his treatment of the Green Hornet) on his knowledge of (a) when Alzheimer’s was first discovered, (b) how much money is spent on research and (c) what the most promising methods of diagnosis, prevention and treatment are.

  10. Ozzy Osbourne on the cosmological constant and Einstein’s theories of mass expansion.

  11. It was Ozzy’s great, great grandfather who laid out the streets in St. Paul, right?

  12. Ozzy Osbourne on endangered bats. Oh, never mind, he actually knows about that!

    William Shatner and/or Patrick Stewart on space exploration

    Roger Moore or Sean Connery about espionage and counterterrorism

  13. fine if were going to go to music how about Kurt Cobain about rape? Although they already did drag Dee Snider up to capital hill in the 80’s and he owned them.

  14. Mitch:

    I would’ve used James Caviezel, but for his work in Person of Interest.

    lets see he can speak on the importance of having to carry a gun for self defense.

    He can speak about how government surveillance can help us to save lives if properly used.

    He can speak about how violence is needed to be exercised against people planning violence.

    For those people who watch Person of Interest any I missed?

    Walter Hanson
    Minneapolis, MN

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