Pondering the Imponderable
By Mitch Berg
I’m all about tackling the big questions.
For example: Why do people build even numbers of urinals in men’s rooms?
Follow along here: If men are following proper men’s room etiquette, they NEVER stand at adjoining urinals (unless there are dividers present – and there never, ever are). Proper etiquette requires one to leave at least a one-urinal gap between you and the next guy over.
Picture a men’s room with, say, three urinals – 1, 2 and 3. Ideally, one guy will take 1, and another can use 3, while 2 will remain fallow, as it were, serving as the “no-man’s land” between the two. (Only the hopelessly gauche, when entering a men’s room, will use #2 barring an emergency; to do so would render 1 and 3 unusable).
So let’s say you have a men’s room with four urinals, 1 through 4. Only two can ever be occupied – 1 and 3, or 2 and 4. In effect, one urinal is wasted, since no more than two men can ever use the setup at a given time. Better to either tear one out, or build another.
The logical conclusion is that there is never a reason to build a men’s room with exactly two urinals; one will always be unoccupied, barring emergencies; men with class will either use an unoccupied stall or just grit their teeth and think of walking through Death Valley rather than use the adjacent urinal. It is, in effect, wasted resources and effort to install two urinals.
Architects? Please see to this.
February 9th, 2007 at 12:39 pm
I’m of the opinion we should do away with urinals entirely and install only pee troughs, like those in the Metrodome. With pee troughs, the person peeing gets to choose his distance from other pee-ers. That, and troughs allow for maximum usage during peak hours. Even a small trough can accommodate five or six pee-ers, while a urinal can always only serve one at a time, although I suppose you could sword-fight at one urinal with a co-worker or friend you’re particularly comfortable with.
February 9th, 2007 at 1:42 pm
Oh, one of these years I must hatch a story about the characters at the urinals in my humble place of employment.
There’s Slow Guy, Look Ma No Hands Guy, Pathetic Dribble Guy, the guy who always wears his headset into the restroom, the guy who, uh, did his business with one hand and brushed his teeth with the other.
Restrooms, bah, You can have ’em.
February 9th, 2007 at 3:11 pm
Jeff, you forgot Talk to His Neighbor Guy and Talk On His Cell Phone While Doing His Business Guy.
Yeesh.
February 12th, 2007 at 5:20 am
Now Drudge has something posted on talking urinals that can evidentally analyze alcohol levels and advise on the pisser’s capacity for driving. Great. Last thing I wanted was to get smart-ass comments from a urinal.
February 12th, 2007 at 5:23 am
A long time ago I was in a nasty little dive on West 7th in St. Paul. One patron had passed out drunk in the trough urinal. I waited in line for the stall, but an amazing number of guys just shrugged and pissed on the poor fellow.
February 12th, 2007 at 7:59 am
Jeff Kouba said: “There’s Slow Guy, Look Ma No Hands Guy, Pathetic Dribble Guy, the guy who always wears his headset into the restroom, the guy who, uh, did his business with one hand and brushed his teeth with the other.”
That’s why urinals need to be further apart. Too many pecker checkers like Jeff.
February 12th, 2007 at 8:03 am
If Clown thinks that seeing someone brushing his teeth is “pecker checking”, he must have an inordinate confidence in his own endowment.
February 12th, 2007 at 9:18 am
If Clown thinks that seeing someone brushing his teeth is “pecker checking”, he must have an inordinate confidence in his own endowment.
Apparently “brushing teeth” is another euphemism I missed out on in my sheltered youth.
February 12th, 2007 at 9:47 am
Oh, come on now, lay off the Clown. He hasn’t been bringing his usual “A Game” to this blog lately. I blame all the New York snow.
February 12th, 2007 at 11:02 am
Major Major said: “Oh, come on now, lay off the Clown. He hasn’t been bringing his usual “A Game” to this blog lately. I blame all the New York snow.”
Angryclown doesn’t ever bring his “A Game” to a blog filled with rednecks jawing about Minnesota politics. You couldn’t handle it. Feel free, however, to bask in the glow of Angryclown’s B- game.
February 12th, 2007 at 11:35 am
I can’t imagine a worse fate than basking in the glow of anything coming from Angryclown.