If The Staff Of Kool Aid Report…
By Mitch Berg
…don’t try this…
He bought about $20 worth of bacon and Italian sausage from a local meat market. As it lay on the counter, he thought of weaving strips of raw bacon into a mat. The two spackled the bacon mat with a layer of sausage, covered that with a crunchy layer of cooked bacon, and rolled it up tight.
They then stuck the roll — containing at least 5,000 calories and 500 grams of fat — in the Good-One Open Range backyard smoker that they use for practice. (In competitions, they use a custom-built smoker designed by the third member of the team, Bryant Gish, who was not present at the creation of the Bacon Explosion.)
Mr. Day said his wife laughed the whole time. “She’s very supportive of my hobby,” he said.
…then I sure can’t.
My intestines are rebelling just looking at it.
Although my taste buds are ready to go all Jack Bauer on my lower digestive tract…
January 30th, 2009 at 9:21 am
This is a great scientific step forward. Angryclown’s own amateur experimentation suggests there is no such thing as too much bacon. But this fellow has constructed the equivalent of the new European particle accelerator. Angryclown continues to hypothesize that the Too Much Bacon Threshold can’t be crossed. But this new recipe will be the ultimate test.
January 30th, 2009 at 9:30 am
Just wait. Some pansy will shortly come out with the SOY version, that “tastes just like bacon”.
January 30th, 2009 at 9:50 am
I love bacon. And it guarantees 100% employment for cardioligists.
January 30th, 2009 at 9:57 am
We stayed at a Holiday Inn in Grand Forks last weekend…the bacon at the breakfast buffett was like nothing I had seen before-and tasted like nothing as well. Somehow, they had managed to slice “bacon” into virtual flakes…you could see through them and they were like little bits of thin balsa wood laying in the pan. No taste whatsoever and as crispy as a potato chip. THE WORST. To do that to bacon and expect people to eat it…sacrilege.
January 30th, 2009 at 9:59 am
You probably went to the table with the kosher bacon, Colleen.
January 30th, 2009 at 10:07 am
Angryclown once stayed in a hotel in St. Paul that had a revolving restaurant on top and a good brunch buffet. All the bacon you want, baby!
January 30th, 2009 at 10:10 am
In New Orleans, Angryclown had deep-fried bacon-wrapped oysters.
January 30th, 2009 at 10:18 am
Deep fried bacon-wrapped oysters sound great. The restaurant should probably have gift certificates for a free EKG afterwards, though.
They have great bacon at Byerly’s. We don’t usually shop there but when we really want bacon, that’s the place to get it.
January 30th, 2009 at 10:25 am
They then stuck the roll — containing at least 5,000 calories and 500 grams of fat… and called it The Stimulus!
January 30th, 2009 at 10:35 am
Angryclown once stayed in a hotel in St. Paul that had a revolving restaurant on top and a good brunch buffet.
That’d be the old Radisson. It’s changed hands, and I don’t know if it still rotates.
January 30th, 2009 at 10:44 am
My wife is a chef. We make our own ohia-smoked bacon.
January 30th, 2009 at 10:51 am
http://www.baconsalt.com
I bought the three pack. It’s great!
January 30th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
Hey Clownie, hasn’t Mayor Bloomberg outlawed bacon in NYC? It’s got to be on his hit list. Right after salt.
January 30th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
Bacan should be safe, rare and legal.
January 30th, 2009 at 2:18 pm
We stayed at a Holiday Inn in Grand Forks last
That may be the most depressing sentence ever written.
January 30th, 2009 at 2:56 pm
Ha-Learned Foot! That’s what I thought after re-reading what I wrote! We went to GF to watcth the Sioux play Denver U…so, other than the motel stay (which wasn’t that bad really except for the bacon) it was a fun trip. The motel was jam-packed with Canadian families-midget hockey tourneys were in town as well. Actually, Grand Forks is inundated with Canadians every weekend since their dollar either surpassed ours or is at par. Us “locals” (and we live 130 miles away) get a little tired of them…
You’d be surprised at what an enjoyable time can be had in Grand Forks. World-class hockey, very good food (Sanders 1907…look it up). A big Cabelas……ha! That last would be in E Grand Forks, MN. I don’t get as excited about that, but it swarms with people at all times. Crazy gun nuts I guess…
January 30th, 2009 at 3:41 pm
Colleen, who lives closer to Canada than Sarah Palin does to Russia said: “Actually, Grand Forks is inundated with Canadians every weekend since their dollar either surpassed ours or is at par. Us “locals” (and we live 130 miles away) get a little tired of them…”
Colleen is so racist she hates *Canadians.*
“Rink monkeys” she calls ’em.
January 30th, 2009 at 5:41 pm
Clownie is suffering from transfat withdrawel. He’d buy a soda, but they go for $5 a bottle in NYC now, thanks to Dr. Bloomberg.
January 30th, 2009 at 8:29 pm
I’m actually chuckling at that one Clown….I think all all the “‘Nuckers” I know and am related to would as well…
I live 130 miles from Grand Forks but only 5 miles from Canada.
January 30th, 2009 at 8:42 pm
Oh and just found out this week that our fair “city” (pop. 1722) will be the the site of a movie to be filmed starting in March…”Stan’s Cup”…kind of a “Full Monty” treatment of hockey…because we ARE Hockeytown USA (not Detroit).
January 31st, 2009 at 10:30 pm
“Colleen is so racist she hates *Canadians.*”
That’s not racist, that’s just good sense.
January 31st, 2009 at 10:55 pm
World-class hockey, very good food
That’s done so much good for downtown St. Paul.
February 1st, 2009 at 4:29 pm
“That’s done so much good for downtown St. Paul.”
It might stretch a bit farther in a smaller city. *shrug*