Shades Of ’97

By Mitch Berg

The snowy winter and wet autumn points to possible spring flooding in the Red River Valley this spring.

On Friday, the North Central River Forecast Center, which tracks flood potential in all or parts of nine states, forecast a 90 percent chance of major flooding for Fargo-Moorhead before May 1 and about a 45 percent chance for Grand Forks-East Grand Forks. The chance of a flood crest reaching the 1997 mark is about 7.5 percent in Fargo and 6 percent downstream in Grand Forks.That forecast is “not likely to change much for better unless we get really innocuous conditions,” said Steve Buan, a hydrologist for the forecast agency, which is part of the National Weather Service operation in Chanhassen. “We’ve gotten a really strong kick-start.”

The Twin Cities left erupted in reaction to this news.

“While the citizens of the Red River Valley can defend themselves from floods” said U of Minnesota victimization-studies professor Jacob Lawrence, “it’s important that the response be proportional. The locals should only respond by making the water wet”.

Others were less conciliatory. “Water was there before the people of Fargo were; they plopped their city into the middle of the Water homeland” said Meghan Jeffreys, spokesbeing of Victims Unanimous of Plymouth. “We express solidarity with the water”.

A pro-flood protest is planned for Wednesday at 8AM in front of the Federal Building in Minneapolis. Protesters are urged to wear water in solidarity.

12 Responses to “Shades Of ’97”

  1. nerdbert Says:

    The whole concept holds no water as far as I’m concerned. We shouldn’t be involved with Fargo in the first place.

  2. swiftee Says:

    Knock down the dams! Free the water!

  3. Master of None Says:

    We must work towards a working 3 state solution for water. I see a future where water, ice and water vapor can live together in harmony and mutual trust.

  4. Badda Says:

    Save the water!
    (Kill those dolphins, but save those whales.)

  5. Chuck Says:

    THe UN gave tons of money to the water, but it all ended up in private Swiss bank accounts.

    Because the Red River valley is heavily Lutheran, I hear the city of Mpls and the Macalester College are divesting in all Lutheran owned businesses, and have pledged to boycott all Lutheran stores.

  6. angryclown Says:

    Good Christ, you wingnuts just aren’t funny. This is painful.

  7. Yossarian Says:

    AC critiqueing humor? That’s rich.

  8. Master of None Says:

    Would it help the funny if this was seltzer water?

  9. Kermit Says:

    I say we carpet-sponge them.

  10. Night Writer Says:

    Dam that water! Dam it to hell!

  11. DiscordianStooj Says:

    I say we carpet-sponge them.

    Now that’s funny.

  12. Paul Says:

    (Kill those dolphins, but save those whales.)

    Why are you dragging a bunch of Miami football players into this?

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