One Day Whilst Riding The Ventura Trolley

SCENE:  MITCH is sitting on the light rail, heading from the Mall of American downtown to a Twins game. 

At Bloomington Station stop, Avery LIBRELLE, Cat SCAT and Gutterball GARY get on the train.  MITCH turns toward the window and dons sunglasses, but LIBRELLE notices him.  The three amble to him, stumbling awkwardly as the train starts moving, and sit surrounding him even though the car is otherwise empty. 

LIBRELLE:  Hey, Mitch.  You racists won.  Hope you’re proud of yourself. 

MITCH:  Um…if I ask “what are you talking about?”, would that imply I actually want to know?  Because I’m not sure…

SCAT:  George Zimmerman was acquitted.  It proves the system is racist. 

MITCH:  Um…huh?

LIBRELLE:  The case was entirely about race!

GARY:  Yeah!  Yeah!  All about race!

MITCH:  Neither the prosecutors nor the defense ever mentioned race during the case. 

SCAT:  Well, the 911 call proved that Zimmerman attacked in a racist fury. 

GARY:  Yeah!  Yeah!  Fury!

MITCH:  Listen to the audio yourself.  He sounded disgusted, depressed and dejected.  All of the pique came from the prosecution and media’s slanted reading of the transcript. 

LIBRELLE:  Zimmerman called Martin a “f****ng coon”

GARY: Yeah!  Yeah!  Rage!  Ragey wingnut!

MITCH:   No, he said it was “f****ng cold”. 

GARY:  Yeah, “right”. 

SCAT:  Zimmerman contradicted his own story. 

GARY:  Yeah!  Yeah!  Counterdicted! 

MITCH: Not according to the Sanford police chief, who said his story held up entirely through multiple rounds of questioning. 

LIBRELLE:  Yeah, well, he was a wannabe cop who disobeyed a police order not to follow Martin. 

GARY: Hah!  Yeah!  Police order, stupid Right-wing nut job!

MITCH:  There was no police order.  A dispatcher is not a cop, and can’t give orders. 
When Zimmerman said he was going to follow Martin, the dispatcher said “we don’t need you to do that”.  It was vague, and it was utterly non-binding. 

SCAT:  Martin had every right to be on the street.

GARY:  Yeah! Yeah!  Yeah!  Yeah!

MITCH:  Right.  So did Zimmerman. 


MITCH: Zimmerman had a right to be on the street, too. 

LIBRELLE:  Not if he was stalking Martin. 

GARY:  Yeah !  Stalker!

MITCH:  “Stalking” is a pretty loaded term.  He was following.  Advisable?  Maybe, maybe not, but not remotely illegal. 

SCAT:  But he was acting like a wannabe cop. 

GARY:  Wannabe!  Wannabe!

MITCH: That’s a pejorative interpretation of Zimmerman’s long-past behavior.  There’s no law in wanting to act like a cop, in any case.  And, er, how someone “acts” doesn’t justify being assaulted and having ones head bashed into the ground like some kind of MMA fight.

LIBRELLE:  He had a round in his chamber, the hammer cocked and the safety off!

GARY: Yeah!  Yeah!  Yeah!  Round off and safety in the chamber!

MITCH: Um, just about everyone who carries a firearm carries a round in the chamber.  Including every single person with a revolver.  And let me ask you – who told you the “safety was off and the hammer was cocked”?

SCAT:  It’s just facts!

GARY:  Yeah ! Yeah!  Yeah!  Stupid wingnut!  Facts!

MITCH:  Right, the KelTec 9mm that Zimmerman carried has no cockable hammer, and no safety catch.  It’s a “double action only” pistol; the hammer only cocks when you squeeze the trigger.  There’s no need for a safety, so there is none.   I know this from years of familiarity with KelTec pistols. 

LIBRELLE:  The injuries Zimmerman suffered aren’t consistent with being punched.

GARY:  Yeah!   Yeah!  Yeah!

MITCH:  Right, but they are consistent with being beaten against a cement sidewalk. 

SCAT:  This case is proof that “Stand your Ground” laws are racist. 

GARY:  Yeah!  Racisss!  Yeah!

MITCH:  “Stand your Ground” was never at issue, since the Defense showed that retreat was never an option; they didn’t even opt to go for a “Stand your Ground” hearing, since the law didn’t apply to this case.  Not even a little bit. 



GARY:  …

MITCH: How about those Twins?

(TRAIN stops at Franklin Avenue.  SCAT, LIBRELLE and GARY abruptly get up and climb off the train, which pulls away as the three’s eyes all go wide with fear). 

LIBRELLE (receding into distance as train pulls away) Hey!  Where’s the 331 Club? 


13 thoughts on “One Day Whilst Riding The Ventura Trolley

  1. Is this based on a recent Facebook exchange I had with a very Liberal friend? It’s like you are looking at my timeline or whatever it is they call it now. TO DO: Check Facebook security settings to make certain MBerg can’t hack the page.

  2. Mitch, you went to the Mall of America, AND you rode the Death Train?

    Yer sick, man. Sick, sick, sick. :^) And I had so much respect for you….

    OK, and help me out here. What is at Franklin Avenue? Rougher part of town?

  3. Bubba,

    It’s a diverse neighborhood where many people might not wait to hear your version of their “experience” before finding one using the term “Uncle Tom” “unfounded”.

  4. I think we need to have a national conversation about religion, reach out to the Jewish-American community after the OJ verdict. Ron Goldman is like Anne Frank.

  5. News busters has examples of several uncle Ryans following Larry Elders appearance on Piers Morgan’s pro lynching progrom.

  6. Nope.

    Her logic and sense of proportion may need work, but she takes impeccable care of the dogs.

  7. Takes great care of dogs, but shows great cruelty to Supreme Court justices. Got it. Thanks for the clarification on the Franklin exit. Isn’t it on the wrong side of the river for the 331 club?

    JPMN; now don’t you be teaching me yet other things that I dare not mention in polite society. Suffice it to note that thankfully, the idiots you refer to are not that many in number–one “morally challenged twitrix” accounts for a lot of ’em.

  8. I was going to go off on high-speed rail rant, but Loren’s puppy mill comment was too good. ;^)

  9. Well, Mitch, she may take impeccable care of the dogs, but obviously, dog breeders should be unionized! I’m sure that Doggy would sign one of those cards, good useful idiot that she is! After all, think of all of the benefits she’ll get for her tribute payments!

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