(SCENE: At the Cabinet room in the west wing of the Capitol building. President OBAMA is talking with Attorney General HOLDER, Homeland Security czar NAPOLITANO, Secretary of Defense HAGEL, Secretary of State KERRY, administrative assistant Shaquanda ELLIS, and Vice President BIDEN)
OBAMA: So we’ve got to figure out who’s killing prosecutors in Texas. Any ideas?
NAPOLITANO: Gotta be white supremacists.
HOLDER: Oh, my God, I hope you’re right.
NAPOLITANO: Or possibly tax protesters, Tea Partiers, anti-abortion protesters, Second Amendment activists, land activists, Tenth Amendment activists, Ron Paul supporters, talk radio listeners, FOX news viewers, seat-belt protesters…
HOLDER: Yes, yes, absolutely. Some of them.
OBAMA: Wait – that’s a very, very broad net you’re casting.
NAPOLITANO: We think it’s a huge conspiracy.
HOLDER: YES!
KERRY: Just like it was in Oklahoma City! I remember scouting the remains of the Murragh Building in my Swift Boat. It’s seared, seared in my memory.
BIDEN: They should have fired a couple of shots through the door with a double barrel shotgun at McVeigh!
ELLIS: Beg your pardon, sirs and maam, but if I may interject?
OBAMA: Go ahead?
ELLIS: OK. On the one hand, we have a movement – white supremacists – who have committed a few crimes over the decades, but have never really developed a pattern of killing law-enforcement. Isolated incidents, yes, but no clear pattern. On the other hand, we have the Mexican narcotraficantes, who do in fact have a pattern of killing prosecutors throughout Mexico, and who have been operating and committing violent crimes in the US for years, and whose pattern these murders fits to a “T”, and whom the Administration inadvertently armed in operation Fast and Furious…
HOLDER: (Plugs ears, runs from room) Nanananananana, can’t hear you!”
NAPOLITANO: Clearly you are racist.
(And SCENE)
I would say this is as close as we are going to get to a secret recording of actual conversations going on in the White House. Given The Won’s Nixonian tendencies, it’s likely we’ll learn that He set up a recording system if for no other reason than he likes to listen to Himself talk.
PS: You’re Biden isn’t loopy enough. Throw in a little Northeast racial bigotry and the odd sexist comment and you’d win an award – if they gave awards to Conservatives.
No, Mitch, it’s definitely a Conspiracy. The proof is in the evidence: they found .223 caliber casings at the crime scene. And .223, as everyone knows, is a lot like 5.56 x 54 mm, which is the caliber rifle used by US military forces. And studies have repeatedly shown that US military forces are primarily drawn from Southern states, and my neighbor (who knows about these things) assures me Southern Whites have hated Blacks for centures.
And Barak Obama is The First Black President!!!!!
There you have it: the evidence is undeniable. This shooting was not only a White Supremacist hate crime but also an attempted military coup.
The only reasonable response is to take away your firearms, at once.
.
But you missed the part where Obama said “now lets get a fund raising letter out on this”.
Thank you for suggesting the same thing that I was wondering.
That is, with two assinations so far, who can they quickly pin the blame on with little proof so it looks like they’re on top of things until they actually develop viable suspects?
No cigarette butts at the scene so they can’t blame smokers.
Rush Limbaugh was used-up in Oklahoma City so scratch him.
How about White guys? No, their wives donate a lot and vote for them.
How about White supremists? No one likes them. Sold. However, better keep the smoker angle handy, just in case … Doesn’t Limbaugh smoke, too?
NOTE: It is not my intent to make light of the tragic deaths of those killed in such a vile manner. May God rest their souls and expedite the capture of the animals who committed these crimes.