SCENE: MITCH is talking with AVERY LIBRELLE while standing in the bulk organic aisle at Mississippi Market.
LIBRELLE: I’ve been reading your blog. I’ve noticed that you constantly refer to gun owners as “Real Americans”.
LIBRELLE: Why? You’re saying you have to support the National Rifle Association to be a “Real American?”
MITCH: Of course. not. But let me ask you this. If I said “I support the Bill of Rights, but I think the Fourth Amendment should not apply to Mexicans or Mexican-Americans?
LIBRELLE: What on earth are you getting at?
MITCH: Mexicans bring most of the drugs into the US, and they’re behind much of the violence related to the drug trade and drug prohibition! They’re fighting a freaking civil war over there, over drugs! Why should our children be killed, by violence and drugs, when the obvious solution – Mexican Control – is right in front of us! I mean, the Founding Fathers had no idea of the problems we were going to have with Mexicans when they wrote the Fourth Amendment!
LIBRELLE: That’s just ignorant and racist! The problems have nothing to do with the Mexican ethnicicty! They have to do with the prohibition and the drug trade and…
MITCH: …and the blight and rot eighty years of socialism have brought to Mexico?
LIBRELLE: …er, don’t push it.
MITCH: Fine. What you’re saying is that “Mexicans don’t kill people, criminals do”?
LIBRELLE: Yeah. Er…hey! Americans, real Americans, don’t exclude people from the Bill of Rights over things that have nothing to do with the right itself!
MITCH: In other words, Real Americans don’t curtail the civil rights of the law-abiding because of the actions of criminals?
MITCH: It’s not the right to keep and bear arms that’s the problem. It’s the criminals and the insane.
MITCH: Okay. Point being, Real Americans support all ten amendments of the Bill of Rights. Not just the fashionable ones.
LIBRELLE: So you think that murderers and felons should have the right to bear arms?
MITCH: Now, that’s the dumbest strawman of all. You can not find a credible Second Amendment advocate, anywhere, who doesn’t think keeping guns out of the hands of convicted felons isn’t a “reasonable regulation”.
LIBRELLE: But the NRA supports giving them guns!
MITCH: Wrong again. They support allowing felons to re-obtain their rights, with judicial review, if they’re deemed a suitable risk. The burden of proof is on them, and it’d only happen after at least a decade of keeping their nose clean, by which time society can usually figure they’re not recidivists.
LIBRELLE: You know what I hate about you?
MITCH: I couldn’t begin to count the ways.
LIBRELLE: You always think you have an answer for everything.
MITCH: I can’t imagine why.
LIBRELLE: OK, so we’ll “agree to disagree” about your “Real American” thing. But why do you call gun-control advocates “orcs?”
MITCH: Oh, you mean Tolkein’s reference to masses of dull-witted creatures that mindlessly and thoughtlessly follow an evil mission handed down to them by their overlords, without thinking, logic or reasoning, repeating what they’re told and never ever questioning it, no matter how depraved?
MITCH: OK. That is intended as an insult.(And SCENE)