To: Jesse Ventura, ex-governor and “celebrity”
From: Mitch Berg, Average Schlemiel
Re: Senate Bid
Dear “Governor” Ventura,
One minute you’re running; the next, you’re not. It’s almost like you’re arguing with The Crusher or Vern Gagne or Vince McMahon [1] or someone.
Let me help you settle this.
Run. Run, Jesse, Run.
Run for Senate. Please.
Ten years ago, in a simpler and more trite era, it was easy to convince people that you were a populist, libertarian/conservative everyman. Back before you actually had to govern (“Govern”? Whatever), you could make yourself out to be whatever you wanted to look like; like every third party candidate, you could wrap ideals around you like they were so many pink feather boas.
Of course, then you got into office. And that “deer in the headlights” look you got on election night 1998 morphed into you turning into a sock puppet for Dean Barkley and Tim Penny and, eventually – to deal with the fact that you had no party supporting you in the legislature – ran to Roger Moe like a new, boyish-looking blond inmate cuddling up to a big bruiser inmate for protection.
But we know you today, Mr. Ventura. Some of us know you way too well.
We know that you, like your “party”, are DFL lite. To Democrats, who might prefer a trite, vapor-light, paper-thin devil they know to a trite, vacuous devil they don’t, that might be a sell over Franken. To Republicans? You had some of us fooled ten years ago; they’re not biting anymore.
Oh, and you’re a 9/11 Truther. That appeals entirely to…well, you know who. Indeed, the numbers show, so far, that you will draw more voters from Franken than Coleman.
So please, Jesse. Run. I beg of you. Let’s make this electoral season even more humiliating for Al Franken.
That is all.
[1] What? None of these names were current when you were in “wrestling”? Sorry – I guess I had a brain and didn’t pay any attention at the time. Sorry. Not.
I think he is properly referred to as “Da Crusher”. 😉
Is someone going to read this to “The Body/Mind” because after so many cracks to the Noggin’ and cups of steroid tea I don’t think the man can read anymore.
…assuming he could in the first place.
Jesse isn’t stupid.
His ideas are lame and he has no leadership, much less judgement.
The Left-Leaners have largely owned the “he’s stupid” end of the political analysis spectrum… for many, many, many years. I say, let them keep it.
I don’t dare begin to summarize my criticism of Gov. Ventura by trying to paint him as an idiot. Sure, he’s a jackass. Sure, he’s thin-skinned. Sure, he’s deluded. As I said earlier, he’s without judgement and confuses tough-talking for leadership yet exhibits none.
The Left-Leaners have largely owned the “he’s stupid” end of the political analysis spectrum… for many, many, many years. I say, let them keep it.
Badda,
Not aware that I called him stupid. Paper-thin, certainly, but not stupid.
Now, wrestling fans?
I heard that Jesse is planning to be the quarterback of the Green Bay Packers. Either that or some other attention whore; it’s hard to keep this stuff straight some times.
It’s one thing to spend time in the State capital as governor. It’s another to spend huge hours in the Senate chambers in Washington while they go through tedious procedural votes.
Oh, shoot….read Mitch’s comment about not remembering, and remembered Rowdy Roddy Piper, King Kong Bundy, Andre the Giant……there’s that Kool Aid Report “Wasted Years” video flashing before my eyes!
Well said, Mitch.
Guess it’s hard to think of any politician as stupid when you’re one of the 3-in-10 Bush dead-enders who think he’s doing a completely awesome job.
By the way, have you extreme right-wing kooks taken a look at Bob Barr? He sure has some good ideas, doesn’t he? Better yet, maybe this is the election to just stay home. The Democrats are going to win anyway. Why trouble your wacky “consciences” by voting for someone like McCain, whom you don’t really believe in? Don’t vote. Jesus never voted. Why should you?
Guess it’s hard to think of any politician as stupid when you’re one of the 3-in-10 Bush dead-enders who think he’s doing a completely awesome job.
Another astringent yet hilarious analysis from a guy whose party’s congressional leadership currently gets 1-in-10 support. C’mon AC, you have to know a little math, at least so you can figure how you and a couple dozen or so of your colleagues can get out of the little car. Or (anticipating your sadly predictable responses) the short bus or the troop ship. How many straw men can you get in the little car, AC?
Stick to the male appendage jokes, AC. It’s your metier and your only reason for existence. Or go back to opening for Carrot Top at the Stress Factory.
Not aware that I called him stupid. Paper-thin, certainly, but not stupid.
I didn’t call him stupid either. More like damaged.
C’mon AC, you have to know a little math…
Well, he does know how many roaches he can take out with a standard can of Raid.
The Democrats are going to win anyway.
The last democrat to get more than 50% of the vote in a presidential election was Jimmy Carter.
Why trouble your wacky “consciences” by voting for someone like McCain, whom you don’t really believe in?
If Hillary’s supporters can vote for McCain against their principles, why can’t conservatives?
Why should you?
To prevent a Congress full of mangy clowns.
Terry blathered: “The last democrat to get more than 50% of the vote in a presidential election was Jimmy Carter.”
Good point. For example, in 2000 Al Gore lost 5-4.
And of course there’s this from rasmussen:
The percentage of voters who give Congress good or excellent ratings has fallen to single digits for the first time in Rasmussen Reports tracking history. This month, just 9% say Congress is doing a good or excellent job. Most voters (52%) say Congress is doing a poor job, which ties the record high in that dubious category.
http://rasmussenreports.com/public_content/politics/mood_of_america/congressional_performance/congressional_performance
I imagine all right-thinking Americans will head to the polls in November and cast a vote for B., hoping that, finally, there will be a president who will assist Reid & Pelosi achieve their legislative agenda.
Why those improved CAFE standards will be in place in 2017! By then windpower electricity might be only five times as expensive as oil-fired power generation! Hold on, America! Help is on the way!
Like Mitch, I think that Ventura would draw more votes away from Franken than from Coleman.
Ventura’s advantage in 1998 was that he was going up against two very boring candidates who were both pandering to the center. Ventura was the easy answer to the Sesame Street song, “One of these things is not like the others . . . .”
Since ’98, Coleman hasn’t exactly endeared himself to Minnesotans, but he has gained in stature. He’s in better shape going into this Senate race than he was running for governor ten years ago. My gut feeling — the Franken/Coleman race is a toss up, with the odds slightly in Coleman’s favor.
Ventura entering the race works to Coleman’s advantage. This time, instead of being one of the two boring candidates, he’s the boring candidate, running against a couple of clowns.
That was funny Terry. It should be a campaign commercial.
Mitch,
You didn’t call him stupid, and jroosh only alluded to it.
I was just jumping into the territory.
I should have been a little more clear.