Sustainable Train Of Thought
By Mitch Berg
Did you know I’m a clairvoyant?
Either did anyone else!
SCENE: Tanya Grumpleman-Morriss, 21, a Grievance Studies major at Bard College, is making her new sign for the next day’s “Occupy” Rally. The entire scene takes place in her head.
GRUMPLEMAN-MORRISS: My last sign was such a success…
…I need to come up with something equally catchy, profound and cogent.
GRUMPLEMAN-MORRISS rips a big square out of a box for a big-screen TV.
GRUMPLEMAN-MORRISS: Hm. It’s a beautiful night. The stars are like crystals. Hm. There we go! “It’s a Crystal Night for the 1%”
She scibbles the saying frantically onto the sign. Then she goes to the dorm fridge and grabs a Red Bull.
GRUMPLEMAN-MORRISS: (quaffing the Red Bull) Hmm. I’m on a roll. What else? I’m so tired of having to worry about the future. We need to come up with a…a final solution!
She frantically tears out another square from a Macintosh box.
GRUMPLEMAN-MORRISS: ” We need a Final Solution to rebalance our society!” (Whispers sotto voce): Perfect!
She gets up and makes a cup of coffee with one of those Keurig individual coffee makers.
GRUMPLEMAN-MORRISS: Maybe we need to ennoble the concept for working for a living…Hey! Perfect!
She frantically rips out another square.
GRUMPLEMAN-MORRISS: “Dear 1%: Work makes you free!”
She admires her handiwork.
GRUMPLEMAN-MORRISS: Goddess, those Teabaggers are culturally illiterate!
November 28th, 2011 at 8:35 am
We’ll hope that the young lady is ignorant of the historical meaning of her sign. As the Dead Kennedys explained back in the day, if she got her wish and a cultural revolution was imposed, she’d the first to go.
November 28th, 2011 at 9:55 am
Given the leanings and grammar skills of many of the OWS crowd, I’m expecting to see a sign urging us to “Get With the Pogram!”
November 28th, 2011 at 9:57 am
And remember kids, if you go carrying pictures of Chairman Mao you ain’t going to make it with anyone anyhow.
November 28th, 2011 at 10:14 am
Arbeit Macht Frie!
November 28th, 2011 at 10:59 am
OK, funny. But “Either did anyone else!”? Wouldn’t “Neither” have been more grammatically correct? As long as we are critiquing cardboard signs?
Workers of the World Untie!
November 28th, 2011 at 11:03 am
If I were her dad, she would be out of the will! 🙂
November 28th, 2011 at 11:09 am
Pol Pot, Pol Pot, Pol Pot
November 28th, 2011 at 11:37 am
Clean out Zucotti Park like Tiananmen Square was cleaned out!
November 28th, 2011 at 1:55 pm
Inspector Kemp: A Cultural Revolution is an ugly thing… undt, I tink, that it is chust about time ve had vun.
November 28th, 2011 at 7:34 pm
What no Che t-shirts? I am dissapoint.
November 28th, 2011 at 10:21 pm
In point of fact, citing MN college professors’ support of CCP Chairman Mao Zedong’s Great Proletariat Cultural Revolution is a VERY GOOD THING to do up when accused of being “anti-intellectual” for not digging Chomsky . . .