Minutes from this morning’s meeting:
LEADER: Attention! The moment we’ve been awaiting is at hand!
VARIOUS OTHER BUFFALO: Sssssssh!
LEADER: After centuries of being put down by the two-legs, and the humiliation of having North Dakota State University in Fargo co-opt our species name as a mascot …
MANY BUFFALO: (hissssssssss!)
LEADER: …against our will, we are finally to get our due! This morning, I’m told a “Tom Elko” – a two-leg who writes for the Minnesota Monitor, who goes with our interests at heart – is set to blow the horns off of the two-legger conspiracy to keep the buffalo down!
(Much enthusiastic stomping of hooves)
RRRRUUHHHNXXH (a buffalo): Leader? Is this the same “Minnesota Monitor” that ridiculed their would-be leader’s teeth? Or that didn’t know that guns are already legal in two-leggers’ “bars”?
LEADER: Yes! We have set up this computer to show the story when it comes across on the two-legs’ “Inter Net”. Grffffrnx, hit the button to view the “Web Page”.
GRFFFFRNX (another buffalo, albeit less handsome): By your leave!
(Grffffrnx the buffalo clumsily clicks a huge “mouse” button. The Minnesota Monitor story loads)
GGGRRRRRNHX (Another buffalo): My god! After all these years, they write a story about the two-leg bastards in Fargo – and they put up the wrong logo?
RRRRRRHRRRRRRH: (a short, pugnacious buffalo) Pffft. Anything west of Saint Louis Park might as well be Uzbekistan to these two-legs!
AAAAAAXHHHXXXXXHHH (a buffallette, something of a sex symbol at the BADL if I may be so bold): Noooo! To try to generate sympathy for us, they show a picture of another cursed two-leg? The logo of the University of North Dakota, as opposed to North Dakota State, the purported subject of the two leggers’ story?
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHRN (a frumpy-looking middle-aged female buffalo): Omigod, it gets worse! Look what he wrote: “NDSU has frequently been criticized for its “Fighting Sioux” nickname and its Native American logo.” Don’t these two-legs proof-read anything?
RRRRRRHRRRRRRH: Look! He also writes “This latest incident comes the same week NDSU sorority Gamma Phi was put on “temporary social probation”…They have THE WRONG INSTITUTION!
LEADER: (Silent for a moment, choking back tears): Stupid…stupid speciesist two-leg bastards!