(Scene: Sergeant BUCK SLAUGHTER,a 29 year old veteran of two tours overseas in the War on Terror, is  just home from his tour in Afghanistan.  Hestops by the Veterans Affairs office.  Looking worried he steps up to the desk.  ANASTASIA BECKETT-SCHLUMBERGER  is sitting at the desk.

SLAUGHTER: Hello.

BECKETT-SCHLUMBERGER: Take a number.

SLAUGHTER: I’m the only one here.

BECKETT-SCHLUMBERGER: Then you shouldn’t have to wait long.

SLAUGHTER:  Um, OK.  (Takes a number).

BECKETT-SCHLUMBERGER: (Waits, typing passive-aggressively for about 40 seconds.  Looks up at “Next Number” sign).  “Number 1”.

SLAUGHTER:  That’s me.

BECKETT-SCHLUMBERGER:  (Grimaces). How can I help you?

SLAUGHTER:  Well, I’m just back from Afghanistan.  I just wanna know what I can do about education benefits, and also VA benefits for the shrapnel I got.

BECKETT-SCHLUMBERGER:  (Hands SLAUGHTER a couple packets of information).  Anything else?

SLAUGHTER:  Well, yeah.  I’ve never been all that into politics, but I’m hearing that they’re going to cut funding for Veterans.

BECKETT-SCHLUMBERGER: Oh, yes.  Republicans are trying to cut everything. Grandma, kids, veterans, even kittens.

SLAUGHTER: OK, well, what can we do?

BECKETT-SCHLUMBERGER: You need to call your state representative and demand that they put the following language into the budget… (goes on her computer):  ”

“Add specific language in The Ominous [sic] Bill…”

SLAUGHTER: “Ominous” bill?

BECKETT-SCHLUMBERGER: Whatever.  Let me continue:

“…UES1047-2 on both sides (House and Senate) on page R19 when addressing any overall general cuts and on pages R20 and R21 at the opening of both Military and Veterans Affairs budgets.”

” To read:”

“In respect to the fact we are a nation at war at the Departments of Military and Veterans Affairs are paramount in those operations providing manpower…

SLAUGHTER: So far so good!

BECKETT-SCHLUMBERGER: (continues)

…support programs and services, the following special consideration is hereby adopted for the Biennium ending 2013: The Department of Military Affairs and the Department of Veterans Affairs are to be held harmless to any budget cuts…

SLAUGHTER: Excellent!  They’ll hold all veterans benefits harmless!  Right?

BECKETT-SCHLUMBERGER: (continues)

…in salary, staff, FTE, personnel, equipment, programs and or services including any reductions of deputy commissioners, or the combining of commissioners of these two agencies.”

SLAUGHTER: Um – what’s that?

BECKETT-SCHLUMBERGER: We’re going to make sure nothing harms any of the program administrators or management!

SLAUGHTER: And what about the actual veterans?

BECKETT-SCHLUMBERGER:  The what?

SLAUGHTER: US!  The veterans!

BECKETT-SCHLUMBERGER: Oh, yeah…

SLAUGHTER: US:  I mean, “holding harmless” the bureaucrats and administrators is like sending Military Police on patrol.

BECKETT-SCHLUMBERGER: Don’t care.  Number two!

SLAUGHTER: There is no  number two.

(And scene).

This entry was posted by by Mitch Berg on Wednesday, May 11th, 2011 at 5:00 am and is filed under MN Legislature, Socialism American Style. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.