FADE FROM BLACK TO PICTURE OF DIGITAL CLOCK SET TO “10:00“.

CUT TO INTERIOR SHOT OF CTU LOS ANGELES.  

DIRECTOR BUCHANAN walks into command post.  CHLOE, MORRIS, and AL-FAWAZ sit at computer consoles.

BUCHANAN:  OK, everyone.  Status Report.

CHLOE:  I still can’t find Jack.

BUCHANAN:  You need to find him.

CHLOE (Fuming and scowling, with cute flip of hair):  It’s not that easy!

BUCHANAN:  You need to find him now.

CHLOE:  (Rolls eyes) Well, since you put it that way…

AL-FAWAZ:  Director Buchanan, I have a hit on Bauer.  He’s coming in the front door with two unidentified gunmen!

BUCHANAN:  Set up a perimeter!

MORRIS (Sotto voce): Like that ever bloody works…

(DOOR OPENS:  BAUER, IN HANDCUFFS, IS ESCORTED IN BY TWO UNIFORMED CALIFORNIA HIGHWAY PATROLMEN.  HE IS WEARING RUMPLED CLOTHES, IS UNSHAVEN, AND WALKS UNSTEADILY)

CHiP #1:  I’m looking for a Bill Buchanan?

BUCHANAN: I am Bill Buchanan.

CHiP #1:  Hi, I’m officer Poncharelli, and I’ve been instructed to bring your Mr. Bauer here.  He was arrested for DUI about twelve hours ago, and a Mister Trump just posted his bail. 

BUCHANAN:  Take him back to medical!

(TWO REDSHIRTS UNIFORMED CTU SECURITY OFFICERS STEP TOWARD BAUER, THEN FALL OVER DEAD)

BUCHANAN:  Er…what happened to them?

CHLOE: Budget cuts due to the writers’ strike.  They were gonna kack anyway…

BAUER:  Listen.  We don’t have time.

MORRIS (sotto voce to CHLOE):  We never bloody have time!

CHLOE (sotto voce to MORRIS): Shut up!

BUCHANAN:  What do you mean, Jack?

BAUER:  Dammit!  There’s a terrorist plot aimed at Los Angeles, and…

BUCHANAN:  Right.  Our usual premise.

BAUER: Listen to me!  We only have ten hours to solve it this time!

(AL-FAWAZ surreptitiously takes out cell phone, makes call).

BUCHANAN:  That’s madness!  Division told us…

BAUER: Forget what division told you! We have to get going, and we have to do it now!

CHLOE:  Mr. Buchanan, I just cross-referenced the writers’ guild demands with satellite scheduling uploads from Fox! Jack is right!

MORRIS:  Jack? Mr. Buchanan?  Terrorist websites all over the Middle East just posted reports that CTU only has ten hours to solve the next attack!

BAUER:  Dammit! 

CHLOE:  Jack, there’s gotta be a mole in CTU.

BUCHANAN:  We need to find the mole.

CHLOE: I’m on it.

BUCHANAN:  We need to find the mole now!

(AL-FAWAZ surreptitiously slips cell phone into BAUER’s pocket)

CHLOE (rolling eyes):  Yes, Bill.  (Types furiously).  I’ll reset the vectors of the GIS satellites in triplicate to sync with the frumious bandersnatch…

BAUER:  Bill, this is serious.  The terrorists have gained control of the TV schedule!   They can control the timing of our investigation!  We have to get back in control!

CHLOE (with an air of foreboding):  Jack? 

BAUER:  What?

CHLOE:  The satellite traces the leak to…you!

BAUER:  That’s impossible!

(AL-FAWAZ tiptoes to door of CTU as BAUER frantically searches pockets, finds cell phone)

BAUER:  Dammit!

BUCHANAN:  I’m going to have to notify Division, Jack.

BAUER:  Bill! Listen!

BUCHANAN:  Stand down, Jack.

(TONY ALMEIDA walks into shot from right, wearing swim trunks and a “Cabo Wabo” T-shirt, carrying a Big Gulp from 7/11).

ALMEIDA:  Hi, guys.

(ALL STOP).

BAUER:  Tony?

ALMEIDA (slurps the drink):  Hey, Jack.

BAUER:  But you died on Day Five.

ALMEIDA:  Whatever.

(AL-FAWAZ opens door)

BUCHANAN:  OK.  Jack, Tony, Chloe – you need to drop everything and work on finding those extra ten hours…

BAUER:  Dammit, Bill, there’s no time!

(TEN OR FIFTEEN TURBANNED MEN WEARING OBVIOUS SUICIDE VESTS TIPTOE PAST IN THE BACKGROUND)

CHLOE:  Duh, that’s the problem.

(MARCHING BAND WALKS IN DOOR THAT AL-FAWAZ HAS OPENED, PLAYING ARABIC-SOUNDING MUSIC.  AL-QUAEDA BANNERS WAVE, CHEERLEADERS IN BURQUAS SKIP DEMURELY AROUND A FLOAT DECORATED TO LOOK LIKE A SUICIDE VEST)

BAUER:  We have to find the mole!

(LARGE TANK FESTOONED WITH ARABIC BANNERS DRIVES IN BACKGROUND BEHIND BAUER, ALMEIDA, BUCHANAN, MORRIS AND CHLOE, COVERED IN TURBANNED MEN FIRING AK47s INTO THE AIR)

BUCHANAN:  Oh, and Jack?  We need to send you to Washington.  Right now.

BAUER:  Dammit.

(STING:  CLOCK READS “9:47” OVER OUTRO THEME)

This entry was posted by by Mitch Berg on Thursday, January 17th, 2008 at 10:26 am and is filed under A 'n E. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.