Jeff Kouba at TvM has a few pet peeves:
1) “Door Close” buttons on elevators that don’t work
2) Poorly done bridges in pop songs
3) Having to wait to pay for the food in restaurants. In a perfect world, you’d pay as soon as the food came so you could leave when you’re done.
4) Reporters who say “we’re following the story” when they really mean they’re hitting the Refresh button on The Drudge Report the same as you.
5) Bloggers who say “I reported” such and such when they just cut and pasted from an article online.
Or anyone – from bloggers up through Geraldo Rivera – who ever uses the phrase “this reporter” in any unironic sense.
6) Books with prologues.
7) Refrigerator doors that keep closing on you when you’re getting something out. Stop helping me. I’ll close the door myself.
8) Drivers who treat a crowded, rush hour freeway like the Grand Prix, just to go from two cars behind you to two cars ahead of you.
Hoooyeah. Absofrigginlutely.
A few additions of my own:
- Pronouncing the word “processes” “Pro-ses-SEES”, with big emphasis on the last syllable. Ick.
- Anyone wearing those Celtic Thorn tattoos around their arm, that doesn’t have Celtic Warrior’s Union card in their wallet.
- Guys in pageboy haircuts. Thanksfully, this fad’s bus seems to have left the station. For now.
- Guys with pony tails and earrings. Either one is acceptable. Both are not.
And oh so many more.
UPDATE: Justin emails:
> Also, here’s a linguistic pet-peeve of similar ilk: “matrix” instead of
> “chart” or “table.” Not every Excel spreadsheet is a “matrix.” I did
> four sems of calculus; I’ll show you a real matrix!
Jeez, yeah. I hate that one too.
Oh, yeah – and let me add to that:
Companies that incorporate “being 10 minutes late to meetings” into their corporate culture
and
Replacing “meetings” with “phone conferences”. In my experience, no “meeting” that was comprised of people sitting around in headsets ever ended with anything getting done.
That is all.
(Or…is it?)
Oh boy. I’m having a bad hair day: My brushed back, fluffy hair has flattened into a pageboy style. Wholly unintentionally, but I still feel like I made Mitch’s shit list.
(Now go ahead and add “bad hair day” and “shit list” to your shit list…)
add “bad hair day”
Repeat after me: “I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet”.
and “shit list”
As an English major, I do in fact appreciate the Middle English reference.
And unintentional hairdos are perfectly fine.
11) People who do not understand the grammatical rule that words that start with a consonant sound are preceded by the indicative “a”, not “an” (or worse, they DO understand it but think it makes them sound sophisticated).
Every time I hear “An historic occasion” it makes me want to draw the blood of the person who wrote the line.
14) Glitter used as decoration of any sort. Whether it be in a card, on a piece of clothing, or in makeup.
“In my experience, no “meeting” that was comprised of people sitting around in headsets ever ended with anything getting done. ”
I disagree.
The manager who called the meeting filled out his HR spreadsheet that he gave sexual harassment training this year.
And the engineers on the other end actually got work done while ignoring the HR flak droning on and on and on…
Long live phone meetings! Especially when HR is involved!
That would be the exception that proves the rule, Nerd. Only the useless stuff makes sense on the phone – hence, phone meetings are a useless use of time.
I hate hearing the word verbiage as “verbage”. It is verb-ee-age.
Also, turning acronyms possessive when they are simply plural.
Folks who say “fortay” for the word forte. It is pronounced: fort. Otherwise you are not commenting on someone’s strengths and talents and area of specialized knowledge… you are instead commenting on their “loud”.
Oh, I don’t like folks who don’t find Paul Lynde funny.
People who stand on escalators. They are stairs! Yes, I know it is moving but we’d get there twice as fast if you waddled your fat ass up the risers.
“Oh, I don’t like folks who don’t find Paul Lynde funny.”
Now or back when he was alive? Because I think he has never been funnier than he is now.
“People who stand on escalators. They are stairs! Yes, I know it is moving but we’d get there twice as fast if you waddled your fat ass up the risers.”
Yeah, and the belt at the airport. Same thing. I hate it when people stand both right and left and completely block anyone from passing.
How about the “I cut my hair short since it’s disappearing in front I look ridiculous when it gets longer” haircut. I’ve had it now for a number of years. The more I lose, the shorter the rest of it becomes. I started at Die Hard and am fast approaching “Die Hard 4” on the Bruce Willis scale of haircuts.
Bill C-
It’s disputed whether a word beginning with “h” should be preceded by the article a or an. Whether the first letter is a consonant or not as it is spelled doesn’t matter — it’s whether it begins with a consonant sound. the letter ‘h’ itself begins with a long ‘a’ sound in American English. If you’re playing scrabble “I have an ‘h'” sounds much more natural than “I have a ‘h'”.
Terry,
I did say with a consonant sound, not just with a consonant. You agree with me perfectly. You say A historic event, not AN historic event. You say A sandwich, not AN sandwich. AN ‘h’ is grammatically correct, not A ‘h’.
Buzz on Paul Lynde’s humor:
Now or back when he was alive? Because I think he has never been funnier than he is now.
I hate you.
Not just any regular loathing… but the hate Irina speaks of when she tells Tony Soprano she hates him using all of the ugly sounds she can muster as a native speaker of Russian.