Shot in the Dark

News Conference

Mitch Berg is arriving for his press conference.  He takes his place behind the podium.  The press bustle forward to get the best spots in front of the podium.

Berg waves his hands, and the press gradually quiet down.

BERG: OK, for starters; everyone knows Tom Emmer has won the election, and that his inauguration is inevitable.  And so, while the election did fall within the statutory limit requiring a recount of the vote, as required by Minnesota State Law, I urge the DFL and the Dayton campaign not to interfere with the obvious inevitability of Emmer’s victory by pursuing the process that is legally mandated and out of their control anyway.

Furthermore, when the inevitable happens at the end of this mandatory process that the DFL should not pursue anyway, I urge Mark Dayton and the DFL from restraining their lawyers from filing stupid lawsuits, regardless of whatever grounds they say they may have, for a Better Minnesota. 

We especially urge the Dayton campaign to refrain from filing lawsuits over so-called “irregularities” or “fraud” in the process.  Everybody knows we have the best electoral system in the world, so it’s a moot point.

And when all those lawsuits are dismissed, I implore the DFL not to sic throngs of SEIU goons on Republican recount watchers, offices and the homes of GOP activists in revenge for their inevitable loss. 

I will now take questions.

ERIK BLACK: Er, Mitch?  Why are you calling Emmer’s victory “inevitable”? 

BERG: Because it is, and has always been.  Next?

RACHEL STASSEN-BERGER: Er, has there been any indication whatsoever from the Dayton campaign that they plan on filing frivolous lawsuits simply to pointlessly extend the recount process and delay the transfer of power?

BERG: You just report what I say, OK?  Next question.

TOM SCHECK: Er, this bit about “not raising objections over irregularities” – that is their legal right as part of this process…

BERG: Right, but it will only detract from the inevitability of Emmer’s victory.   It’s stupid, and just between the two of us, it’s a sign that they hate children.  Next?

TIM PUGMIRE: This reference to SEIU goons – where does that come from?

BERG: Look, I’m not saying that they will sic goons or lawyers on anyone.  Not at all.  You have the context all wrong.  I’m just saying that when they inevitably lose the recount and Governor Emmer is inevitably inaugurated – as every sensible person who doesn’t secretly yearn for child porn can say will happen, once this pointless yet legally-mandated recount is over – it’d be very bad for a party to sic hordes of union goons on those they disagree with.

MARTY OWINGS: But Mitch – nobody’s talking about siccing goons on anyone.

BERG: I’m just asking questions.

PAT KESSLER: That wasn’t a question.  That was  a statement.  You told the DFL to refrain from siccing goons on people if they lose the recount.

BERG: Well, that’s just common sense.  You want a good state, and  you believe in democracy?  Ixnay on the goons!

Final question?

BILL SALISBURY:   So to sum it up, you’re asking the DFL and Dayton to refrain from doing things they never said they were going to do in the first place, and decline to do things that are obligations that are out of their hands according to Minnesota law. 

BERG: Yep.  That, and not kill people for revenge when Tom Emmer’s inevitable inauguration takes place.  Thanks!

Berg leaves the stage, as Brian Melendez silently takes notes in the back of the room.

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Comments

9 responses to “News Conference”

  1. Dog Gone Avatar
    Dog Gone

    Amazing how Emmer claims to have gained another 1,000 votes…….which don’t show up on the Secretary of State’s web site, at least were not there when I checked.

    Amazing how neither you Mitch, nor Tony Sutton, manage to acknowledge that the Sec. State race, the AG race, the Auditor race all were won by Democrats, by too large a margin to be considered close, any and all of which are more likely to reflect voter preferences for governor.

    But then I’m still waiting for you to check the possible voter registration of the elderly lady with Alzheimer’s, who had an “I Voted” sticker on her walker that you claim was a probable illegal vote in 2008. You know, the one where you claim care givers terrorized an old lady and committed felonies.

    When you are done on the podium. Because, apparently your fantasy world is more important than checking out reality, darlin’? I’m not sure what that says about priorities, but it doesn’t seem good.

  2. bosshoss429 Avatar
    bosshoss429

    Doggy;

    Yea, it’s amazing all right. Probably because fraud was involved there, too.

    It’s amazing how the dimwits on your side are claiming that “it is mathematically impossible for Emmer to gain enough votes to beat Mad Mark, too. But, funny, that’s what several math experts said about Stuart Smalley coming back on Norm Coleman and we all know how that turned out. And that bullshit about “it won’t serve anyone to file lawsuits,” etc? Give me a freaking break! That ass clown anchor baby Melendez and the rest of the communist, I mean dimwit party damn sure wouldn’t give up if the shoe was on the other foot! They wouldn’t care how much it cost. God you pukes are scumballs!

    So, spare us your elitism, hypocrite!!

  3. Troy Avatar
    Troy

    Dog Gone said:

    “Amazing how neither you Mitch, nor Tony Sutton, manage to acknowledge that the Sec. State race, the AG race, the Auditor race all were won by Democrats”

    I’ll acknowledge it: there is an Amazing number of stupid people in Minnesota.

    People who don’t mind a well-heeled failure like Mark Dayton buying their vote with cash and promises to loot the rich.
    People who don’t mind a do nothing as State Auditor.
    People who don’t mind a Soros pawn as Secretary of State.

    The only person in this list even worthy of serious consideration is the AG, for reasons Joel Rosenberg has mentioned.

  4. Troy Avatar
    Troy

    Dog Gone said:

    “Because, apparently your fantasy world is more important than checking out reality, darlin’?”

    Because she was obviously too dull to get the reference here:

    “Berg leaves the stage, as Brian Melendez silently takes notes in the back of the room.”

    Too bad.

  5. Kermit Avatar
    Kermit

    I was most impressed by Dog’s rebuttal of the polling posts below.

    Oh wait. There was none.

    You are a nasty person, Dog. With “friends” like you, Mitch needs no…

  6. Night Writer Avatar
    Night Writer

    DG, I may be unclear on the concept here, but I believe Mitch’s post was meant to be a parody by repeating nearly line for line the statements made by the DFL over the past few days regarding the inevitabilty of Dayton’s victory. I believe this is called humor, but I may need to fact-check that.

    As to your repeated references to the woman in the nursing home with Alzheimer’s who’s vote may have been mis-appropriated, are you saying that the person who first emailed the account to Mitch was lying, or that Mitch himself made up ever having received the email? Or are you saying the account – anecdotal as it may be – has no relevance in light of the reports from Crow Wing County prior to the election?

  7. Mitch Berg Avatar
    Mitch Berg

    DG,

    Troy did sort of cut to the nub of the gist. Re-read and think about it for a bit.

    Amazing how Emmer claims to have gained another 1,000 votes…….which don’t show up on the Secretary of State’s web site, at least were not there when I checked.

    Ahem. Because the SOS site is their unofficial count as of last week. Not the count that the canvassing board is gathering, nor the one that will be certified, much less the recount.

    Amazing how neither you Mitch, nor Tony Sutton, manage to acknowledge that the Sec. State race, the AG race, the Auditor race all were won by Democrats,

    Neither I nor Sutton have any authority to certify elections. Our “acknowledgement” is completely irrelevant.

    arge a margin to be considered close, any and all of which are more likely to reflect voter preferences for governor.

    DG, given your comments below, which frankly veer pretty gratuitously into insult, I’m sure it’d be supefluous of me to point out that the three executive offices’ results differ from the top of the ticket more than enough to make any such connection inaccurate. I’d be interested in any actual evidence you might have of such a tie to “voter preferences”.

    You have none, but it seems polite to ask,

    But then I’m still waiting for you to check the possible voter registration of the elderly lady with Alzheimer’s, who had an “I Voted” sticker on her walker that you claim was a probable illegal vote in 2008…know, the one where you claim care givers terrorized an old lady and committed felonies.

    Sorry, DG – I made no such “claim”s(I’ll let the gentle reader check for him or herself).

    And whether you’re “waiting” or not isn’t really relevant. You don’t know what is or is not going on behind the scenes. But since you’re imposing schedules on me, I’ll point out that we’ve been waiting the better part of a year for you to show us the smoking gun on your borderline-defamatory claims against David Strom.

    I could badger you about that, certainly. Or I could sit back and await the results of your exceedingly patient 🙂 investigation. Or I could scratch my head, defer to what I do already personally know about the situation, and move on to other things.

    Just so you know, I’m leaning toward “C”.

    When you are done on the podium. Because, apparently your fantasy world is more important than checking out reality, darlin’? I’m not sure what that says about priorities, but it doesn’t seem good.

    If by that you mean “my priorities should reflect the schedule and priorities you’re trying to impose on me”, then I guess you have a point.

  8. Kermit Avatar
    Kermit

    And Dog, http://hotair.com/archives/2010/11/12/video-voter-fraud-in-minnesota-part-mclxvii/
    You are full of DFL. Is that an I Voted sticker?

  9. Mr. D Avatar
    Mr. D

    Other than agreeing with the others that Mrs. Teasdale’s post was both gratuitous and witless, I would simply point out why Mitch’s post is parody:

    Based on years of evidence and observation, I can say confidently that there’s no way in hell that any of the named reporters in the piece would ever ask a question of Brian Melendez as difficult as the ones they ask of “Mitch Berg” in this piece.

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