The Unfiskable
By Mitch Berg
I read this op-ed in the Strib the other day, by a Peter Mandel, and thought “finally – we’re on to something here!”
I mean, it’s impossible to look at the sodden, overripe string of cliches in his lede…:
It’s a Banana Republic like no other. Fly into its capital from abroad, and you’ll catch a whiff of overripeness, even decay. The baggage carousel clunks and squeaks. The road to your hotel is missing signs and is a maze of crevices and holes. Soon you are lost in a universe of strip malls; some are flourishing, others empty and dark. Although its elite are among the world’s most privileged, the gap between the Republic’s rich and others here is now a chasm.
…and not think “he’s drawing us off-topic before he comes in for a big surprise at the end! Nobody could keep this string of obviousness going all the way to the end! Nobody!”
“He’s going to end with a zinger noting the similarities between the Chicago government that spawned President Obama and his Administrati0n, with its patronage and corruption and family connections and machine politics, and places like Peru!”
“He’s going to link Obama’s ruinous orgy of spending with the those of banana-republic comandantes from Juan Peron to Hugo Chavez, with their suface sheen of social utopianism lightly slathered over a big rotten core of “buying off the peasants” until their nations collapse into debt and an endless parade of coups d’etat!”
“He’s going to juxtapose the stifling of dissent, first via an avalanche of coverage from carefully-groomed propaganda organs and then via outright censorship!”
“He’s gonna surprise us! Nobody could be that ploddingly, thud-wittedly obvious to keep this going all the way through to the bitter, banal, boring end!”
Almost weekly there is news of an attack. Not by foreigners, but by citizens bearing a grudge or with an urge for revenge.
Localized antigovernment groups stock up on armaments while practicing paramilitary moves. A growing movement shouts its hostility to a range of federal offices and laws.
…
Those who know the Republic well are nervous. Especially those of us who live here — in its 50 states.
We watch, we peel our bananas.
And we wait.
…
…um…
…
…so…
…weekly attacks? Huh?
I feel like I’ve been spinning around too fast. The blood has left my head, and my vision is blurry. Did this fella…
…Peter Mandel is an author of books for children, including “Bun, Onion, Burger,” due out this spring from Simon & Schuster. He lives in Providence, R.I.
…right, “Peter Mandel” – did he just accuse the Tea Party of running a banana republic government and attacking people weekly?
I need a banana now. For the potassium, I mean. It might help me regain my equilibrium.
I need it.
June 3rd, 2010 at 12:24 pm
“Bun, Onion, Burger”? Is that the title of his book or of the training manual for his current job? I can’t wait for the sequel, “You Want Fries With That?”
June 3rd, 2010 at 12:27 pm
He really should stay with childrens books……actually I’m going to be certain my grandchildren aren’t exposed to his bile!
June 3rd, 2010 at 1:07 pm
“And the Republic, after all, has a history of revolution.”
Compared to . . . England? France? Russia? China? Spain?
“On the Republic’s bottom rungs, people exist on quick-fried snacks and look for work in the restaurants where these are cooked. Young men, especially, seem stuck in place, not marrying or moving out of childhood homes.”
Again, compared to . . . England? France? Russia? China? Spain?
The genre is “I’m too good for my country”. Tiresome, trite, and unhelpful.
June 3rd, 2010 at 1:53 pm
Did that guy just out-Peev our own little Miss Pernicious?
June 3rd, 2010 at 2:29 pm
I thought you were going to end it by saying it was actually written by Michael Medved.
June 3rd, 2010 at 2:54 pm
Badda nails it!
June 4th, 2010 at 7:47 am
Why is the Strib outsourcing its looney op-eds when they have lots of Lenfesteys to choose from at home?
June 4th, 2010 at 8:52 am
Further proof liberals live in analternate universe. The one devoid of logic.
June 4th, 2010 at 9:27 am
Any time I read the word Obama care, I know there is going to be more spin than the tires in a NASCAR race.
I like the way you work in the word ‘avalanche’ again Mitch. It wouldn’t by any chance be because I have used that word to describe the steep increase in death threats to members of Congress as distinct from normal congressional expressions of emotion, would it? As reflected in the FOIA inquiry by politico I emailed you about those investigations…
http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0510/37726.html
June 4th, 2010 at 10:02 am
“the caller was a 70-year-old resident of Shuler’s North Carolina district with a history of mental illness”
Real nice of deegee to use mental illness and the elderly to score political points.
Pathetic.
June 4th, 2010 at 10:21 am
Any time I read the word Obamacare, I think “Gee it’s great that Obama promised not to raise taxes on anyone making less than 200K.” Then I start laughing at the rubes who believed him
June 4th, 2010 at 10:26 am
Any time I read the word Obama care, I know there is going to be more spin than the tires in a NASCAR race.
Well that’s nice dear….except Obamacare wasn’t mentioned in this post.
Have another one, hon…it’s noon somewhere.
June 4th, 2010 at 11:04 am
Mitch wrote: “He’s going to juxtapose the stifling of dissent, first via an avalanche of coverage from carefully-groomed propaganda organs and then via outright censorship!”
Follow the ‘carefully groomed propaganda organs’ link to the Obamacare reference, Swiftee. Apparently I read Mitch more carefully than you do.
What I did not see anywhere is a mention by Mandel of the words “Tea Party” or a mention of any similar group.
KR, follow the info that is available (not all of it is) and you will find that a majority of those who are getting in trouble for threats are older, white, and tend to have not a gun but 20 or 30.
What I understood Mandel to be referring to was both the very real and growing gap in wealth between a few who have it, and an icnreasingly impovrished middle and lower class, and an increase in threats, like these:
http://www.foxnews.com/us/2010/03/30/irs-investigates-death-threats-employees-health-approval/
Now if Mitch sees the Tea Party supporters in that group OR the group in the first article, I would be both surprised and concerned.
June 4th, 2010 at 11:43 am
What I did not see anywhere is a mention by Mandel of the words “Tea Party” or a mention of any similar group.
The subtext was perfectly clear.
June 4th, 2010 at 11:48 am
Obamacare wasn’t mentioned in this post
Well to be fair, it is pretty difficult to defend “Obama’s ruinous orgy of spending”, so distraction is a good fallback.
June 4th, 2010 at 1:39 pm
That sub-text is entirely sub-jective on your part Mitch.
Unless all those tea partiers are the same as the anti-government militias and other para-military groups? I thought you had portrayed them a bit differently……. you can’t have it both ways.
June 4th, 2010 at 1:39 pm
Mandel was obviously referring to groups like this:
http://newyork.fbi.gov/dojpressrel/pressrel09/nyfo091509.htm
With a known history of slaughtering civilians and federal officers.
June 4th, 2010 at 2:12 pm
And then you have the nutballs who won’t fill out their census forms:
http://www.hawaiitribune-herald.com/articles/2010/05/29/local_news/local01.txt
This is a local story. Cop had a census taker arrested for trespassing.
June 4th, 2010 at 2:13 pm
No, DG, it’s not. Since there have been no “attacks” (much less weekly ones), he’s clearly conflating all dissent from The One into one paranoid melange.
June 4th, 2010 at 6:05 pm
On the contrary, Mitch, on November fifth of last year Major Nidal Malik Hasan shot and killed thirteen US soldiers, specifically because they were US soldiers. As he killed, Hasan shouted “Allahu Akbhar”.
June 4th, 2010 at 6:14 pm
. . . and you have the murder of a soldier in Arkansas by Abdulhakim Mujahid Muhammad. And you have the ten people killed in 2002 by the D.C. sniper, John Allen Muhamad.
June 5th, 2010 at 6:58 pm
Perhaps we are defining ‘attacks’ differently. There was the Pentagon attacker, the guy in PA who went a bit crazy afraid of people coming for ‘his guns’, there have been moer than weekly threats of violence over health care reform, and several instances of violence in the form of bricks thrown through windows……there were the crazy militia guys in Michigan who were planning and training to shoot police…..
He may be including planned attacks in his use of the word, or threat and intent to attack, along with actual attacks.
I agree with you this author goes way too far, using exaggeration to make his point — as you have been known to do on occasion Mitch.
But I do not see in the subtext the specific Tea Party or even the specific dissent identification that you see.
June 7th, 2010 at 6:24 pm
Depends on the meaning of what the word “is” is, eh deegee?
“using exaggeration to make his point”
An “avalanche” of violence, eh deegee?