The Question That Matters
By Mitch Berg
Ask not “why is Hollywood endlessly rebooting old movies ideas” . That one’s obvious; Big Hollywood has almost not good new ideas, and comic books are reaching a state of diminishing returns.
The real question is, how will modern morés bastardize their victims – in this case, Fistful of Dollars?
Let’s get our predictions on the board.
The protagonist will be a woman.
Instead of a revolver, she’ll practice some anachronistic martial art. Or maybe use a longbow.
The villains – Mexicans in the original – will be white males.
The townspeople will be plucky single mothers whose white male husbands ran off with saloon floozies (but for a few Latino families and at least one anachronistic black one).
Others?
July 10th, 2024 at 11:53 am
I mostly watch TCM for movies these days. I find that most of the crap being put out these days are just not good (with very few exceptions). I’m sick of seeing one movie after another made from Marvel Comic characters. I wouldn’t doubt that a remake of Fist Full of Dollars would feature a woman protagonist (sigh)…Sergio Leone would turn over in his grave. At one point there was speculation that the next James Bond might be a woman…Hollywood is woke and that is the bad joke.
July 10th, 2024 at 11:54 am
Don’t forget the South Park formula: put a chick in it, and make her gay
July 10th, 2024 at 12:00 pm
Just read the article in the Hollywood Reporter about the remake. Seems the effort is going to be done by a Italian company. I’m forecasting a flop. https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/movies/movie-news/clint-eastwood-fistful-of-dollars-remake-1235943449/
July 10th, 2024 at 1:56 pm
“Get minus 3 stars ready.”
“My mistake. Minus 4 stars.”
And let’s not think about “Fisting” anything.
July 10th, 2024 at 4:06 pm
We should make it about an African-American railroad building crew that hits a patch of quicksand, leading to an assault on the white foreman, and the perpetrator is sentenced to be the sheriff of a little town in the path of the railroad….
July 11th, 2024 at 11:24 am
Is Disney behind this thing? If so, expect battling lesbians of the vibrant variety and a trans barkeep.
July 11th, 2024 at 11:27 am
Oh, oh oh, let’s do Dirty Harry!
July 11th, 2024 at 11:44 am
I’m trying to think of successful relaunches, and there are very, very few. True Grit is the last one I think was reasonably successful; some liked it better than the original, but I didn’t.
But yes, it’ll be a gay chick as the protagonist fighting against Big Railroad as the American contribution. But her clothing will be FABULOUS with Italians in the mix. I was just there and even the cops had super stylish clothing.
July 11th, 2024 at 12:48 pm
Betty: Right! And I’ll be waiting on Disney to make “Hot Mary” a “trans” person in “her” sixties and 100 lbs overweight….I bet “Bathing Challenged Harriett” is going to be a HIT.
July 12th, 2024 at 9:05 am
Can Blazing Saddles be far behind?