Tag: Dramatization
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Administrivia
What’s with all the flags and stuff?
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One Day On The Radio
Our conversation with MNDFL Chair Richard Carlbom.
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The Problem
SCENE: Mitch BERG is having an Old Fashioned at a bar in northern Wisconsin. Engrossed in a conversation with the waitress, he doesn’t notice Avery LIBRELLE has walked in, wearing a “MEAT IS MURDER” t-shirt. LIBRELLE: Merg! BERG: Of, for…the second time this week, how ya doing… LIBRELLE: Shut up. It’s the guns, stupid. BERG.…
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Deterrence
SCENE: MItch BERG is ordering an omelette at a local diner. Too late, he notices Avery LIBRELLE entering the building. There is no graceful exit. LIBRELLE: Merg! BERG: Er, hello, Av… LIBRELLE: Shut up. The shooting in Minneapolis yesterday proved that “thoughts and prayers” aren’t enough. They were literally praying… BERG: So it’s time to…
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Brand Of Bothers
SCENE. It’s December, 1944. Bastogne, Belgium. The men of the 101st Airborne Division are surrounded, defending the vital road junction, as seven German divisions close in. Men of Company F, 506th Parachute Infantry Regiment – just down the line from the famed “Easy Company”, not the same guys at all – are coming out of…
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One Day At MNDFL HQ
SCENE: It’s a typical weekday at the MNDFL headquarters. Richard CARLBOM, the chair, is meeting with activist Avery LIBRELLE and Moonbeam BIRKENSTOCK, party executive Inge “Lucky” CARROLL, as well as Betty Rae TORSTENGAARDSEN, from the (possibly fictional) progressive blog “MinnesotaLiberalAlliance.Blogspot.com“. She was Lac Qui Parle County Dairy Princess in 1987, and voted “most likely to…
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To Be Fair, We Don’t Know Where Laura Loomer Stands On All Of This
SCENE: Mitch BERG is parking on the street to go to a private event. He’s trying to wrangle with the stupid newfangle parking meter when Avery LIBRELLE rolls around the corner on a recumbent bike. LIBRELLE: Merg! BERG: Uh… LIBRELLE: Shut up. The “party of faith” is embracing blasphemy! BERG: I’m not actually Catholic, but…
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Yesterday At The Minnesota Supreme Court
SCENE: The Minnesota Supreme Court. The court, various court staff, and the plaintiff and respondent attorneys, are arguing the merits of the election-related business in front of them. Also present are the GOP’s attorney Ryan WILSON, and the DFL’s counsel,LEAKY THE BEAGLE. CHIEF JUSTICE HUDSON: OK, counsel for the defense. Your statement. WILSON: Our case…
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Missing Inaction
SCENE: Former Governor Mark DAYTON’s house, on Lake Minnetonka [1]. He’s sitting in his bathrobe and slippers by a roaring fire, reading the Strib. His wife , Ana ORKE-DAYTON, enters the room. ORKE-DAYTON: I’m taking a stack of credit cards and taking the Porsche to the Galleria. DAYTON: Mpfmbfh. ORKE-DAYTON leaves, as DAYTON’s eye alights…
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The Satanic Choruses
SCENE: The rotunda at the Minnesota State Capitol. A press conference is underway. Standing at the podium, in front of a “Satanic” display, are three members of the Twin Cities Church of Satan: Joshua Micah GUMPKE – a tall, morbidly obese 30-something man with thick, unkempt back hair, and a black neckbeard. His arms are…
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Back From Vacation
SCENE: A “domestic” set in a media production room in DC. Two Staffers, CHAD and JOSHUA, and two Harris staffers, COURTNEY and CLAUDE, are going over footage from an attempt to shoot a video. COURTNEY: OK, try take 45: KAMALA HARRIS (on playback) “Hey, I’m Kamala Harris, and I spent the past week or two…
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Going Back
SCENE: In a conference room at the headquarters of Minnesotans United for All Progressive Causes, a blindingly Scandinavian-looking suite of offices in a pre-war building in Saint Paul. On one wall, a window looks out on a stunning vista the Mississippi River. Through the other, rows of cubicles staffed by interns making fund-raising calls, as…
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One Day At DFL HQ
SCENE: In a conference room at the MN DFL headquarters. Chair Ken Martin is sitting along one side of the table with Gretel STROMBERG and Inge “Lucky” CARROLL, the executive director and chief social media meme-buffer at “Minnesotans United for All Conservative Causes”, the state’s primary non-profit political action committee that is no way, no…
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Pounce
SCENE: Governor Walz’s command post van, parked out back of the Minnesota State Fair. Governor WALZ enters, dressed in his “regular Joe” costume, trailed by Lieutenant Governor FLANAGAN, sans turquoise earrings. Trailing after in the entourage are the Governor’s press secretary, Moonbeam BIRKENSTOCK, and Lt. Gov. Flanagan’s press aide Cat SCAT. WALZ’s face is red,…
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America, 2027
SCENE: On Broadway at Central, in Northeast Minneapolis. It’s late fall; winter is clearly on the way. Stray papers blow down the street, nearly deserted in, visibly chilly. Outside the boarded up remains of what had been a breakfast place catering to “laptop-class” white progressive “new urbanites”, one of many boarded up stores on that…
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Joy!
SCENE: A small postwar “starter” home in New Hope, Minnesota. It is about 10PM. Josh McGILL, 35 year old estimator and sometimes technician for a family HVAC business, and Cassie McGILL, 33 and an office manager for a real estate firm, have finally gotten their kids to bed for the evening. They are working on…
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Melting With Rage
SCENE: Mitch Berg is waiting for a coffee order before going on a road trip when Evan SCHMEISSER-JUNG, political scientist, walks into the room. SCHMEISSER-JUNG: Merg! BERG: Oh, hey, Evan. Long time no… SCHMEISSER-JUNG: Shut up! Did you see the results of the Twins game last night? BERG: Yeah, the bullpen kinda let us down……
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A Discourse On Berg’s Fourth Law
MITCH: Go Timberwolves! CRITIC: But hey, Mitch – since when do you care about pro sports? MITCH: Outside the Bears, Cubs and Twins? CRITIC: Right. Since when? MITCH: Since never. Don’t usually care. But I DO care about having fun, and being in a place where one of the teams is doing well is kinda…
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Words. Just Words.
SCENE: A (probably) fictional meeting at the StarTribune editorial board. Servants bustle about, gathering cocktail glasses and the picked over remains of lobster from the table. Publisher Steve GROVE presides, as David BANKS, Jill BURCUM, Scott GILLESPIE, Denise JOHNSON, Patricia LOPEZ, John RASH, D.J. TICE and CEO Michael J. KLINGENSMITH slowly focus their attention. GROVE:…
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At A History Conference, 2174 AD
SCENE: A conference room in Zürich, Switzerland. An international team of historians is gathered in a conference hall. Behind the panel tabel, a large “Powerpoint 2170” holographic slide displays the title for the session: “Origins of the Second American Civil War”. PROFESSOR A: Welcome, one and all, to this discussion on the origins of the…
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Disappeared
SCENE: It’s a darkened back room at Minnesota DFL headquarters. Ken Martin and an attendant perp-walk a figured in handcuffs with a bag over his head into a room at the faaar back of the building. They sit him down and pull the bag off, revealing Rep. Andy SMITH (chucklehead jagoff, Rochester). DIsoriented, SMITH blinks…
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For Want Of A Strongly-Worded Sign
SCENE 1: It is Constantinople, 1453. The Ottoman forces under SULEIMAN THE GREAT have breached the inner wall of defenses, on their way toward changing the city’s name to Istanbul. SULEIMAN and GENERAL KARAKÜL are standing in the breach, as troops stream past, on their way to loot, rape and pillage. KARAKÜL: “Go forth and…
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The Real Victims
SCENE: Mitch BERG is leaving a guitar shop on Selby Avenue after dropping off an instrument for some repairs, when MyLyssa SILBERMAN, reporter for National Public Radio’s Saint Paul bureau, covering the “Fake News” and “Diversity” beats, steps out of a chi-chi coffee shop. SILBERMAN: Merg. BERG: Oh, hey, MyLyssa… SILBERMAN: Terrible, what’s going on…
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One Day At Big Left (TM)
SCENE: It’s a planning session at Big Left (TM), the central planning organization for leftist, “woke”, “progressive” groups. Avery LIBRELLE, Cat SCAT, Moonbeam BIRKENSTOCK, Stephanie Marie ANNAN, Edmund DUCHEY, Evan Micah BRYAN, Inge “Lucky” CARROLL are gathered around a conference table. ANNAN: We need to come up with something around which we can unite people…
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Mirthy
SCENE: Mitch BERG is loading some garage junk into a truck. He doesn’t notice Avery LIBRELLE, whjo is walking up the alley writing down the addresses of homes without handicap parking spots. LIBRELLE: Merg! BERG: Uh… LIBRELLE: Christian Nationalists can’t handle freedom of religion! They’re having a cow and melting down over a Satan Club…