SCENE: Mitch BERG is out running his snowblower down the block. BILL GUNKEL, former Republican who is now chairmain of the Inver Grove Heights chapter of “Former Republicans for Ron Paul”, pulls up to the curb.
GUNKEL: Hey, Merg!
BERG: Oh, hey, Bill. What’s up?
GUNKEL: Elections are a sham. The best way to “participate” in elections is withdrawing your consent by refusing to vote.
BERG: Huh. Well, feel free to tell the Minnesota Department of Revenue “I have withdrawn my consent” when they come for your money and property after the DFL wins.
GUNKEL: Hah. So what? Your participation makes absolutely no difference. In fact, settled science has shown us that your chance of dying on your way to the polls is greater than your chance of affecting the outcome of an election.
BERG: That’s absurd!
GUNKEL: It’s science! Why do you hate science?
BERG: It’s not science. It’s arithmetic. The writer – apparently a barrista who contributes to “Forbes” – calculated your chance of being the single vote that decides an election versus your chance of dying in a car accident on the way to the polls.
BERG: So nothing. Of course your chances of being the single vote that decides an election are small – although if you think they’re nonexistent, tell it to her.
GUNKEL: Hah. That’s just the religion you were taught in high school civics class.
BERG: Right. And all of you “libertarians” who sit resplendently above it all snarking at the commoners are so much better than that. I get it. Look – it was a stupid article, and it reinforces an even dumber point. It’s not about tipping elections yourself. It’s about bringing a lot of people who believe the way you do to the polls to help you tip it. Which, to be fair, is something your crowd has never been good at.
GUNKEL: Pffft. That never happens. If it did, you’d see election results change significantly.
BERG: It most certainly does. Thirty and forty years ago, support for gun control was extremely common at the state and federal levels. Over the course of thirty years, Human Rights advocates in ones and twos voted, and convinced others to vote, for rather than against the Second Amendment. Today, those regular schnooks voting by their ones and twos have flipped that issue 180 degrees.
And you “liberty” people could do it too, if you ever stopped purity-testing each other to a fine sheen and started trying to convince people, instead of bellowing about “principles” to rooms full of people just like you.
GUNKEL: Oooh, look – a city snow plow! (Forms a snowball, begins the stalk)