SCENE: Mitch BERG Is shopping for a new stove at the appliance store. Focusing on spec sheets, he doesn’t notice Avery LIBRELLE, who makes a beeline for BERG.
LIBRELLE: Merg!
BERG: Oh, whyyyyyhi, there, Avery. What’s…
LIBRELLE: Shut up. The paranoia of you wingnuts is hilarious. Now you’re saying “big bad gummint” is coming for your gas stoves.
BERG: Yeah – I hard NPR saying that, last week.
It’s the latest tempest in a teapot on the internet and in Washington politics – what some have dubbed StoveGate. That is the idea of banning natural gas cooking stoves. The controversy started with a remark from Richard Trumka, a commissioner on the Consumer Product Safety Commission, last month before a consumer advocacy group. He cited health studies about gas stoves.
LIBRELLE: Exactly. Nobody’s coming for your gas stove.
BERG: But they’ve been talking about wanting to ban them for years.
LIBRELLE: (Theatrical sigh). OK, Merg. Are they coming for your gas stove right now?
BERG: You people do this with everything. With CRT in schools…
LIBRELLE: Are they literally teaching your kids a law-school level sociology class, right this second?
BERG: …and bespoke gender…
LIBRELLE: Are they booking your kid for gender reassignment surgery right this second as we speak?
BERG: …or socialism…
LIBRELLE? Are they nationalizing your busienss right now?
BERG: Or gun control.
LIBRELLE: Is there a SWAT team beating down your door, not your neighbor’s door but your front door, looking for your guns right this second?
BERG: …then you call us hysterical.
LIBRELLE: Heeeyyyyy! Hysterical is anti-feminist, and implies that insanity is a feminine trait.
BERG: (Seeing a golden opportunity) Am I telling a woman she’s hysterical right this second?
LIBRELLE: Why, as a matter of fact…
(Gas oven lights off with an exaggerated roar. LIBRELLE walks away by the time the sound dies down).
BERG (to clerk). Did you catch that?
CLERK: I was wondering myself.
BERG: Guess we’ll never know.
And SCENE.
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