One Day At DFL HQ
By Mitch Berg
SCENE: At the state DFL headquarters in Saint Paul. Richard CARLBOM, new chair of the DFL, is sitting at a conference table with Edmund DUCHEY, Moonbeam BIRKENSTOCK and Inge “Lucky” CARROLL, all members of Amy KLOBUCHAR’s staff.
CARLBOM: So, we’ve got a real problem with white males in rural Minnesota. That could be a big enough problem that the urban vote machine won’t be able to cover the difference next year.
So – no dumb ideas, people.
(Thinking ensues).
DUCHEY: I got it. What do rural white guys like more than anything?
BIRKENSTOCK: Racism!
CARROLL: Misogyny…
DUCHEY: Hockey!
CARLBOM: Er…not exactly what we’re looking for…er, maybe we can expand on hockey. What draws white rural men to hockey?
CARROLL: : Misogyny!
DUCHEY: VIolence
BIRKENSTOCK: Being drunk!
CARLBOM: Bingo! They lik4 drinking.
We need to appeal to rural white male Minnesotans love of beer!
CARROLL: Boom! That’s exactly the look we want!
DUCHEY: Empty glass! Three sheets to the wind!
CARLBOM: Er…
And SCENE
May 29th, 2025 at 6:43 am
I can’t help but laugh at these morons running small businesses, posing with the Communists that want to run them out of business with their stupid wealth distribution schemes.
May 29th, 2025 at 7:05 am
The answer to the DFL’s man problem is simple and obvious.
Plaid.
May 29th, 2025 at 7:26 am
Good post, Mitch. And your comment too, boss. Little Amy looks like she’s about to puke if she has to drink whatever’s in that glass.
Speaking of which, I’m a white rural MN guy and most of the guys I know really don’t much care for microbrew products unless they come in pilsner. I’m not saying there aren’t guys in Fergus who wouldn’t drink a Guinness or in Spring Valley who aren’t itching for a Scandinavian-style ale like Vinter Liv, but they’re not the majority.
May 29th, 2025 at 10:06 pm
Not realistic. I know past AK staff. They would mostly be looking nervously over their shoulders, talking in whispers lest she overhear them, and working furiously on their resumes. “Please God, anywhere in the DFL . . . .”