Shot in the Dark

The Press Conference I’d Like To See: Take 2

TAKE 2:  A couple of key paragraphs disappeared from this one on Friday, the first time I tried it…

SCENE:   A press conference at the Minnesota State University system.   Spokesperson Moonbeam BIRKENSTOCK stands nervously in front of a podium, facing a gaggle of barely-engaged press, and Mitch BERG of Shot in the Dark/AM1280/HotAir. 

BIRKENSTOCK:   So, with the changes in federal funding, it appears the Minnesota State University system is going to have to make unprecedented hikes to tuition:

BIRKENSTOCK: Any questions?

BERG:  Yes – wouldn’t that $18 billion in surplruses that the DFL wasted in 2023 and 2024 have come in handy for this?

BIRKENSTOCK:  No hablo ingles…

BERG:   Si no hubiéramos desperdiciado el excedente, ¿seguiría siendo un problema?

BIRKENSTOCK: No further questions.

BERG:  That was English.

(But Birkenstock has left the podium)

(And SCENE).

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Mitch Berg

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6 responses to “The Press Conference I’d Like To See: Take 2”

  1. Bill C Avatar
    Bill C

    *golf clap*

  2. John "Bigman" Jones Avatar
    John “Bigman” Jones

    I would love to see an Elon Musk DOGE style audit of every Minnesota institution of higher learning – U of M, state college system, vo-tech, junior college, even private schools. Where’s the money going?

    It would be fun to start a pool – which school has the highest percentage of LGBT indoctrination requirements to graduate, which has the lowest percentage of self-identified Republicans teaching, which has the worst minority graduation rates, which has highest student-loan-to-post-graduation earnings ratio?

    I mean, seriously, Macalester can’t win EVERY category, can it?

  3. John "Bigman" Jones Avatar
    John “Bigman” Jones

    OOPS, forgot the canine prohibition. Try again with a Zero instead.

    I would love to see an Elon Musk D0GE style audit of every Minnesota institution of higher learning – U of M, state college system, vo-tech, junior college, even private schools. Where’s the money going?

    It would be fun to start a pool – which school has the highest percentage of LGBT indoctrination requirements to graduate, which has the lowest percentage of self-identified Republicans teaching, which has the worst minority graduation rates, which has highest student-loan-to-post-graduation earnings ratio?

    I mean, seriously, Macalester can’t win EVERY category, can it?

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  5. dcs Avatar
    dcs

    The easiest way to avoid raising tuition would be to fire 50% of Administrators. No loss in function whatsoever.

  6. bikebubba Avatar
    bikebubba

    DFL needs a huge dose of Dave Ramsey, IMO, where they would be reminded that when you get a windfall, you use it first to pay off debts and reduce your overall cost structure. The fact that they didn’t do this shows that they view tuition and fee increases as a feature, not a bug, for this. If you make it impossible to make it on your own, you are easy prey for a dictatorial government.

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