I do this every election.  I’ve got 100 reasons I’m voting a straight Republican ticket.

And Mitch ain’t one.

1. Minnesota House District 65A:  I’m voting Anthony Meschke for US House because he’s the most aggressively pro-liberty candidate I’ve met in recent years.
2. And yet he didn’t take the intellectually-onanistic path of joining the Libertarian Party.  More on them below.
3. He’s got a lot of great ideas on how to scale back government’s dominance over your life.
4. Because while I’d never smoke pot (I’m not a mellow, laid-back, hallucinogenic person; I’d be more a cocaine kinda guy, if it didn’t destroy your health and your finances), Anthony will push to legalize it – which is not the panacæa some of the more obnoxious pot activists say it’ll be, but it’ll certainly end a lot of inner-city crime.
5. And even though I don’t smoke cigarettes, Anthony’s platform also advocates eliminating the state’s latest round of cigarette taxes.
6. And Rena Moran is a reliable rubber-stamp for whatever the Metrocrat DFL wants.  That, indeed, is why she’s in office.  She was recruited and installed entirely to be a passive “yea” vote for all of the DFL’s dumbest ideas.
7. And any vote against Rena Moran is a vote against the entire Saint Paul DFL machine – and as such, a little spark of hope.
8. Because that DFL machine is in the process of turning Saint Paul into a cold Flint.
9. And if I didn’t live in 65A, I’d be out there voting for any of the other excellent GOP candidates in the 4th CD – especially Stacey Stout, Heidi Gunderson, Randy Jessup, John Heyer, John Quinn, and Lukas Czech.
10. And if I lived across the river in the 2nd CD, I’d vote for Andrea Todd-Harlin and Jen Wilson in Eagan, and Roz Peterson in Burnsville, as many times as the law would permit.
11. Oh, hell – statewide.  Vote GOP for House. All of them.
12. In the 4th Congressional District, I’m voting for Sharna Walgren because Betty McCollum is and remains a reliable rubber stamp for Barack Obama.  Or Nancy Pelosi.  Or a stuffed bear, if someone tells her it’s her boss.
13. And because while Betty McCollum is mainly focused on pleasing her masters at a national level, Sharna will actually represent the district. 
14. Because after six decades in office, the biggest thing Betty McCollum can point to as an “accomplishment” is nattering about the National Guard advertising at NASCAR races.
15. And because Sharna has actually accomplished things in the private sector.
16. And Betty hasn’t been in the private sector since before she started at Saint Kate’s.
17. And because the Independence Party candidate’s campaign seemed to be entirely based on unicorn dust.
18. No, seriously – in a world where ISIS is slaughtering people, the economy is in the toilet, our debt is booming, our entitlement bubble is about to explode, and our healthcare system is a self-inflicted shambles, one of the IP candidate’s top priorities is…legalizing marijuana.  While i’m fine voting for un-serious candidates, too much is too much.
19. Because Betty McCollum is the very definition of “Washington Status Quo”…
20. …and I think Sharna can help change that.
21. And needless to say, if you’re a Republican living outside the Fourth – well, lucky you.  Please vote early and often for Doug Dagget if you live in CD5.  He’s worked 10 times harder than Keith Ellison in this race; in a just world, he’s have the same vote margin.
22. …or Torrey Westrom if you’re up in the 7th CD; Torrey could score one of the great upsets ever tomorrow, with a little luck and a tailwind.
23. …or  Stewart Millsif you live in CD8; officially putting “The Range Is Blue” to bed forever would be sweet.
24. I have little doubt that John Kline, Erik Paulsen and Tom Emmer will win; Emmer, perhaps, by three digits.
25. Or Jim Hagedorn if you’re in CD1
26. Because if Mills, Westrom and Emmer win – all of them eminently possibly – Minnesota’s congressional delegation will be 5-5, as it should be.  For now.
27. For Supreme Court of Minnesota, I’m going to vote for Denny Crane.
28. That’s right.  William Shatner’s character from Boston Legal.
29. Darth Lillehaug is one of the most wretchedly biased liberal lawyers you can imagine.  He was a terrible US attorney, he’s been a relentless DFL upsucker.
30. Oh, yeah – and he put the “own” in “crony“.
31. And if they ever hold Nuremberg tribunals for enemies of the Second Amendment (and I do not advocate any such thing!), Lillehaug’ll be sitting in the Von Ribbentrop seat.  Nobody who values the Second Amendment should vote for Darth Lillehaug.
32. But wait!  There’s a GOP candidate!  Why aren’t I voting for Michelle MacDonald?  It’s not so much that I have anything against Michelle McDonald as a lawyer – although her attempt to sue the Minnesota GOP was summarily dismissed because no matters of law were actually found in the petition, which isn’t necessarily the mark of a crackerjack lawyer, or so I’m told.  I’m no lawyer.  What do I know?
33. I do have my concerns, I should say just between the two of us, about someone who walks around holding a video camera in front of her everywhere she goes.  That’s a personal thing, but I’d be lying if I say it didn’t effect my impression of the woman.
34. My biggest problem, however, is with how she was nominated to run.  The GOP Judicial Elections Committee (JEC) – a group of people who were elected by I have no idea who, and who met I have no idea where – endorsed her, knowing that she had an upcoming DUI trial.  They opted not to inform the delegates at the convention that this was the case.  They just marched her onstage, demanded an acclamation vote from a crowd of delegates many of whom (like me) really resent the hours of our lives we’ve spent listening to the ineffectual, cronyistic Judicial Elections Committee babbling on and on and on and on, , and that had just spent a day and a half resolving an intensely fractious Senate endorsement, and was looking ahead to sorting out a five-way donnybrook for Governor.  So about 3/4 of the delegates cheered on cue, and about 1/4 abstained, and there we were!
35. And in the days after the news came out about MacDonald’s upcoming case spilled in – inevitably – the media, the behavior of the JEC’s members filled me with contempt.
36. Which only got worse come State Fair time.  When Michelle MacDonald tried to bum-rush the booth at the state fair, surrounded by a phalanx of codgers from the JEC who stonewalled requests for basic information from fellow Republicans. 
37. I’ll sum it up; the JEC people that slipped MacDonald’s nomination past a group of ass-numbed delegates are worthy only of contempt – and the GOP should do its best to eliminate the JEC and handle all nominations through the Nominations Committee.
38. And so rather than vote for the loathsome Lillehaug or the skittery MacDonald (and thus rewarding the duplicitous committee that rammed her past the convention), I’m going to vote for a fictional lawyer.  And I hope everyone in Minnesota does too.
39. For Secretary of State, I’m voting for Dan Severson.
40. In fact, I’m going to do so, ironically, as many times as Mark Ritchie will let me get away with it.
41. Severson is a sharp guy with much better ideas for the office than his opponent.
42. Because Minnesota is rife with voter fraud, and Severson is the guy to fix it.
43. Because elections are only half the job.  Minnesota’s Secretary of State’s office also handles business incorporations.
44. And under DFL control, that’s turned into a Romanian Cluster-Cuddle.
45. In short, someone is going to need to put on a hazmat suit when they go into that office.  Dan is the guy to fix things.
46. I’m voting Scott Newman for Attorney General, because the AGO should not be a vehicle for cheap political points.
47. And that’s exactly how Lori Swanson, and her mentor Mike Hatch, have treated that office for almost a generation now.
48. And there are actual jobs that need to be done out there.
49. For State Auditor, I’m voting for Randy Gilbert.  He’s an actual accountant…
50. …and not a political hack like Rebecca Otto.
51. Minnesota needs a watchdog for its state government.  Rebecca Otto is the DFL’s partisan lapdog.
52. Why Not Third Parties?:  I’ve had people throw this out there.  Why won’t I vote for a third party?    Partly because I believe it’s a waste of my vote.
53. “But a vote for the major parties is also a waste!”.  Well, I disagree, but even if it’s true, I’m no worse off than you are, am I?
54. Fact is, I did the third-party thing, from 1994-1998.  It made me feel good, compromising none of my principles in my political life.  Then I realized – sitting resplendently above it all not only affected no policy whatsoever (no Libertarian is ever going to  hold any significant public office).  I realized that the path to make the GOP jibe with my principles and thence go forward to make people free (or more free) would be easier than the one to get the Libertarian Party into a position to affect actual policy – to make people more free.
55. “But what about Jesse Ventura!”  Proves my point.  He was elected in Minnesota’s great prank on itself – and then had to run to Roger Moe and the DFL majorityi in the Senate to get anything done.  The “Independence Party” because “DFL Lite”.
56. Don’t get me wrong – in a perfect world, I could see voting for Hannah Nicollet, the IP’s candidate.  I probably agree with her on 80% of issues, and probably 100% of issues that matter to me (shaddap about marijuana).
57. But the world’s not perfect, and my vote for Hannah Nicollet would be one less vote that Jeff Johnson – with whom I also agree well in excess of 80% of the time – is going to need to shock the world tomorrow.
58. Oh, yeah – Nicollet seems pretty sharp.  But I’ve been distinctly unimpressed by the rest of the IP slate when I’ve heard them.
59. And don’t get me started on the Libertarians.  They’ve added a veneer of annoying slickness that the LPM never had when I was in the party – but they’re still preaching pure principle, which is another way of saying “simple answers to complex questions that will never ever be tested in real life”.  And I say that as a sympathizer and former party member and candidate!
60. For US Senate, then, I’m voting for Mike McFadden.
61. Al Franken has been a reliable hyperpartisan.
62. While I was an Ortman supporter until the convention (quietly so, as it is prudent for me to be), that was no swipe at Mike.  He’s clearly an accomplished guy.
63. And the Democrats’ swipes at McFadden have been as groaningly disingenuous as ever; they’ve tried to paint him as a Wall Street bankster, while trying to ignore the Franken Family’s ties to Lazard.
64. McFadden’s a businessman.  Franken is an entertainer – or was, I guess.  Who belongs more in Washington?
65. Think of all the establishments that’ll wet themselves if Franken loses?
66. The Twin Cities and Beltway DFL elites?
67. Hollywood liberals?
68. The coastal “intelligentsia?”
69. The mainstream media?  They’ll all be completely outraged.  And that alone will be worth it.
70. Because the only thing standing between us and “Supreme Court Justice Eric Holder”, or worse, is a Republican-controlled Senate.   Seriously – even Susan Collins is a useful firebreak against that madness.
71. Indeed, harshing Obama’s mellow is an utterly justifiable end
    
72. While McFadden flubbed on the “gun show loophole” issue early in the campaign – result, I’m sure, of K-Street focus group testing that showed suburban soccer moms were uneasy about “gun violence” – I think he’s made up for it.
73. And even if he hasn’t completely?  An imperfect conservative is a more receptive audience, and a better prospect for conversion, than any Democrat.
74. A conservative Senate is a good start toward saving this nation’s foreign policy.  Not as good as a conservative President…
75. …but that’s what the next four years is for.
76. And For Governor?:  There is no doubt I’ll be supporting Jeff Johnson. He is the best guy for the job.
77. Indeed, he may be the best Gubernatorial candidate I’ve ever seen.  I was an Emmer fan – but Johnson is even better.
78. For all of you sick of “compromising” – Johnson is not.  He’s as conservative a fiscal rep as you can find.
79. How conservative?  He ran the “Hennepin County Taxpayer Watchdog” blog for years – and in it, he was exactly that; a ferocious watchdog for fiscal sanity.
80. Seriously – if the Henco Commission had had more of him, the Twins might have paid for their own damn stadium.
81. I think he’s done an excellent job of tying together the different strands of the GOP; liberty people, socialcons, business conservatives, all can get behind the guy.
82. Because while Mark Dayton may be a decent human being, I do not believe he’s capable of governing.
83. And I don’t think the DFL thinks so, either.  That’s why Tina “The Butcher” Flint Smith has replaced Yvonna whatsherface as Lieutenant Governor.  She’s going to be in place to take over.
84. And let’s be honest; Dayton has never really been governor.  He is a talking sock puppet for the Alliance for a Better Minnesota and its main constituents; the government unions, the environmental lobby, and the teachers union.  He is a marionette, not a governor.  Replacing him with Tina Flint Smith would really only be a formality.
85. Because the Alliance for a “Better” Minnesota deserves a sound electoral rebuke.
86. As do some of the pundits that’ve been trying to drum up a pro-DFL, anti-GOP “bandwagon effect”.
87. Indeed – “upsetting the narrative” alone is enough reason for me to vote for Johnson.
88. Because Jeff Johnson gets economic growth.
89. And to Mark Dayton, it’s just an academic concept.
90. And Mark Dayton (and his supporters) think “economic growth” includes “government dependence”.
91. Because Jeff Johnson crushed Dayton in every single debate without breaking a sweat.
92. Because Mark Dayton went to Yale, but you’d never know it by his accomplishments.
93. Because Jeff Johnson went to Georgetown, and his accomplishments show it, but you’d never know it by talking to him; he doesn’t jam it down your throat.
94. Because Mark Dayton’s behavior could be called “passing the buck” if you’re feeling charitable, and “not knowing what he’s doing” if you’re not.
95. And I don’t see Jeff Johnson ever trying to pull that.
96. Because it’ll put the Strib Editorial Board and MPR’s management on suicide watch.
97. Because Mark Dayton routinely evades all media access (scrutiny is obviously not in the cards)…
98. …while Jeff Johnson has no reason to.
99. And I’ve thought so for a long time. I remember interviewing him when he ran for Attorney General in 2006, and thinking “this guy could be governor”. I love being proven right.
100. And Minnesota could use a break for some competent government, all up and down the line.

See you at the polls.