Tag: Open Letters
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Open Letter To The Parkland Kids
To: David Hogg et al From: Mitch Berg, irascible peasant Re: Agenda item 7 dead in one Chicago neighborhood in 12 hours. Of course, they were mostly black and brown, so they don’t look like any of you. And they were mostly killed by people with criminal records (and, sadly, at least of the victims…
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More Hogg Now!
To: National Rifle Association From: Mitch Berg, devious peasant Re: David “Boss” Hogg Dear NRA, You need to pay any price, bear any burden, to get David Hogg a TV show. Perhaps on Fox News. You’ll have a supermajority in favor of the post-Heller interpretation of the Second Amendment for the next two generations. With rhetoric…
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Open Letter To All Those “Spontaneous” High School Demonstrators
Dear “spontaneous” demonstration participants, I was in high school once. And I remember how little I cared about the opinions of people my parents age. But I was blessed to of gone to high school at a time when the teacher staff at my school included a fair number of Vietnam, Korea and World War…
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Dear Pawns
To: Parkland High School Students / Sudden Media Stars From: Mitch Berg, peasant Re: Your sudden stardom Students, First things first – I’m sorry for the trauma that happened to you and your school. You might want to have a word with not just the FBI, but your school board, who was apparently aware of…
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Open Letter To Melvin Carter
To: Melvin Carter, DFL Candidate for Mayor of Saint Paul From: Mitch Berg, irascible peasant Re: Gandered Councilman Carter I’m Mitch Berg. I’m one of Saint Paul’s tiny film of conservatives, so you’ve never had the faintest hint of a reason to pay attention to me, and you likely never will. And it – like…
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Rep. Walz: Lie Down With “Protect” MN, Wake Up With ELCA Hair
To: Representative Walz From: Mitch Berg, Obstreporous Peasant Re: Pandering Rep Walz, The other day, you took time off from measuring the drapes in the Governor’s office to Demsplain how you plan to end atrocities like the Las Vegas shooting: Representative Walz: I realize you’re talking to your DFLer base, and they’re not long on…
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Open Letter To Mayor Hodges
To: Betsy Hodges, Mayor, Minneapolis From: Mitch Berg, Irascible Peasant Re: Problem-Solving Your Highness, This is a problem that calls for decisive action. Like banning plastic bags, building “green roofs” and banning idling cars. I know we can count on you. That is all.
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We, The People
To: “David Smalley” From: Mitch Berg, irascible peasant Re: Your article on, ahem, “Patheos”. Mr. Smalley, I”m not going to bother dispensing with the bulk of your “seminar caller”-stule, utterly and intensely illogical assault on “gun culture”. But there is one line that I want to call out, by way of accelerating its demise from…
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Telegraphing
To: Minnesota Public Radio News From: Mitch Berg, irascible peasant Re: Your Teaser This Morning Heard on MPR’s morning edition: Cathy Wurzer blurbs to tease an upcoming story: “Will an Embridge pipeline in Northern Minnesota become the next Standing Rock?” Given MPR’s connections to the Twin Cities’ Big Environmentalist Left, you’ll pardon me if it…
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Your Wish Is Our Command
To: “Randy”, Owners of “Camden Tavern” in NoMi From: Mitch Berg, Law-Abiding “F**k” with a clean criminal record and some disposable income Re: Your Wish Is My Command (Advisory: the language on the graphic below is NSFW) “Patrick” Seems you’ve made your intentions clear regarding law abiding citizens who exercise their legal, constitutional right to see to their own…
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Open Letter To Kathy Griffin
To: Kathy Griffin, Comedian-Turned-Not-Very-Intelligent Political Satirist From: Mitch Berg, Peasant Re: I Don’t Think That Word Means What You Think It Means Ms. Griffin, I say this as someone who actually used to enjoy your standup routine, until you decided you had to be Culturally Important. Please take it in the spirit intended. You are…
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Open Letter To The Entire Twin Cities Media
To: The Entire Twin Cities News Media From: Mitch Berg, ornery peasant Re: The Reverend Nancy Nord Bence Back during my brief and unlamented reporting career, I had not a few editors and producers warn me off using certain sources – the ones that had a habit of feeding them bum information. I’m going to…
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To The Minneapolis And Saint Paul City Councils
To: Our Bobbleheaded Overlords From: Mitch Berg, Irascible Peasant Re: “Fight For Fifteen!” All, From a friend of this blog, here’s where the $15/hour minimum wage leads, inevitably and inexorably: Let me just take a moment to say, I don’t think the “#FightFor15” has anything to do with raising worker wages, or taking any sort…
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Open Letter To Speaker Pelosi
To: Rep. Nancy Pelosi From: Mitch Berg, Irascible Peasant Re: Tactics Speaker Pelosi, You’re absolutely right. Don’t change a thing. Seriously. Tell the haters to go away. That is all.
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Open Letter To Those Who Just Don’t Get It Yet
To: Some Of You Trump Opponents Out There From: Mitch Berg, Ornery Peasant Re: Terminology Dear Hollywood and New York Showbiz and Media “Elites” As we come up on inauguration day, some of you are still sore about Donald Trump. I get it. I mean, I didn’t vote for him, either. You’d like to pretend…
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Open Letter To President Obama
To: President Obama From: Mitch Berg, Ornery Peasant Re: Blame Where Blame Is Due Mr. President, Don’t mention it. Any time! That is all.
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Dear Mother Jones
To: Mother Jones Magazine From: Mitch Berg, Deplorable Peasant Re: Schadenfreud Dear MoJo: Ordinarily, I eschew schadenfreud. However, please be advised that I will gargle with your tears. That is all.
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Holiday Season Open Letter To Minnesota / National Public Radio
To: National Public Radio (cc: Minnesota Public Radio) From: Mitch Berg; not really a pollyanna Re: The Season For The Wheezin’ Dear various PRs, Last Thursday was Thanksgiving. And like every week after every Thanksgiving, I know what that means, especially vis-a-vis Public Radio programming. To listen to your broadcasts, we are on the precipice of a…
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“Shut Up, All You Ignorant, Uncivil Tribalists!”, He Explained
To: Minnesota Public Radio From: Mitch Berg, “tribal” peasant Re: Norm Orenstein MPR, Last Friday you played an interview with Norman Orenstein on your noon show. Orenstein is to academia what Lori Sturdevant is to journalism; a myopic scold for a very defined ideology, who after a career of being hailed as a genius by his own…
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Dear Womyn Of America
You’ve been given a priceless opportunity; to have the first woman president be someone we don’t all have to be ashamed of. Don’t screw it up again. That is all.
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Open Letter
To: Anti-Trump Protesters, Celebribities moving to Canada, Garrison Keillor, People curled up in your safe spaces, and other people who are angry at the world today From: Mitch Berg, ornery peasant an Scott Walker vote Re: Why Trump Won I didn’t vote for Trump, but I most definitely voted for the GOP majority that he…
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I’m All About The Help
To: Jon Stewart, Chelsea Handler, Miley Cyrus, Neve Campbell, Lena Dunham, Cher, Al Sharpton, Spike Lee, Babe Streisand, Amy Shumer, Samuel L. Jackson, Natasha Lyonne, George Lopez, Raven Symone, Whoopi Goldberg, and Byron Cranston. From: Mitch Berg, ornery peasant Re: Moving to Canada Need help packing? Say when. I’m there for you. That is all. (Is it just me, or is this the first time in 15 years that Neve…
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Dear Democrat Friends
To: My various Democrat friends From: Mitch Berg, ornery peasant Re: The sun will come out. Suck it up, little campers. I survived the last eight years. You’ll survive the Trump years, as well -provided you don’t slash your wrists tonight, or freeze to death in a Canadian winter. If it’s any consolation to y’all? While…
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Open Letter To FBI Director Comey
To: James Comey, Director, FBI From: Mitch Berg, Concerned Citizen Re: Re-opened Email Investigation Director Comey, Just a reminder; drapes don’t have shoes. That is all.
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Open Letter To Every Single Movie Ticket Website
To: the owners of every single movie ticket website From: Mitchell Berg, cranky consumer Re: Huh? All, I went out on your website – which one doesn’t matter, because you’re all pretty much the same – last night to try to buy a ticket to “Sully”. Ticket prices are insane – I get that. But…