One Day At DFL Headquarters

SCENE:  At the DFL headquarters, on Plato Boulevard in Saint Paul.  Chairman Ken MARTIN is sitting in his office.

(Carrie LUCKING of the Alliance for a Better Minnesota walks in.  MARTIN springs to attention, salutes).

LUCKING:  As you were.    (MARTIN sits as LUCKING settles into an overstuffed leather recliner)

LUCKING:  So what’s going on?

MARTIN:  Well, we’re hitting the GOP over their War on Womym, we’re telling Minnesotans that taxing the 1% will make them taller and smarter, and…

LUCKING:  That’s not what I mean, and you know it.

MARTIN: Beg pardon?

LUCKING:  Beavis is at it again.

MARTIN:  Beavis?  You mean Represntative Winkler?

LUCKING:  Yes.  His tweet yesterday embarassed the party.  Summon Bakk and Thissen.

MARTIN:  Summon Bakk and Thissen!

(Tom BAKK and Paul THISSEN enter the room.  They stand attention and salute LUCKING, who returns the salute.  They remain standing).

LUCKING:  Explain!

(BAKK smirks at THISSEN with a look of badly-concealed contempt).

THISSEN:  I don’t know, your highness.

LUCKING:  Doesn’t he know he must clear all utterances with me before making them?

THISSEN:  Yes, your highness.  Normally calling black conservatives racist names is perfectly acceptable.

LUCKING:  Right.  But not this time.  How about the media?

BAKK:  Only Rupar has written about it so far.

LUCKING:  Who gave him permission?

THISSEN:  Nobody that I know of.  But it’s mostly been damage control so far, so it should be OK.

BAKK:  And Michelle Malkin and Dana Loesch.


BAKK:  The Filipina Pole-Dancer and some chick who probably boffed Grover Norquist to get a job.


(Through the window, we see Ryan WINKLER walking toward the door.  He’s singing Justin Timberlake’s “Sexy Back”).

LUCKING:  Let’s get his explanation.

(WINKLER walks into room, salutes LUCKING – who doesn’t return salute. He awkwardly releases salute…)

WINKLER:  Your highness?

LUCKING:  Explain yourself.   You tweeted this yesterday:

WINKLER:  Well, in my defense, I didn’t know “Uncle Tom” was racist.

BAKK:  What?  It’s up there with the “N”-bomb! A white guy using a term to refer to a black guy as a cringing, servile piece of chattel?

WINKLER:  Well, there’s some debate about that.

BAKK:  Not in like 150 years.

WINKLER:  Well, my bad.  And since when is it bad to bag on oreos who vote Republican?

LUCKING:  That’s immaterial.  What the hell else have you been writing? (Takes out pearl-encrusted iPhone, starts flipping through WINKLER’s twitter account) Oh, what the hell…:


LUCKING: The Civil War’s been over for nearly fifty years.

THISSEN:  At least!  And the ACLU won!

LUCKING:  Look – give me your Blackberry.  I need to see what else you’ve got in your Drafts.  (WINKLER hands over phone).

LUCKING (Flips through phone):  Wait – calling Representative Hillstrom “Screechy McMenstrual?”

WINKLER:  Is that bad?


WINKLER: But she was derailing Representative Martens’ gun bill!

LUCKING:  Thanks be to Alida that never went out.

THISSEN (quietly):  Still, you save that sort of thing for Republican lawmakers.  Like Tara Mack or Mary Franson.

WINKLER:  Ah.  Point taken.

LUCKING:  Didn’t you learn anything at Harvard Law School?   I mean, the school that great minds like Laurence Tribe and Alan Dershowitz teach at?

WINKLER:  Dershowitz?  Ah!  Good ol’ Schlomo the Money-Grubbing Skinflint!


WINKLER:  What?   Wait – that, too?  You gotta be kidding…


17 thoughts on “One Day At DFL Headquarters

  1. MBerg;
    As long as the topic du jour is the DFL. How long do you think the DFL is going to drag out Brodkorb’s lawsuit? In hindsight, I suspect the GOP wishes they had settled while they had the opportunity to do so. I hate self inflicted wounds as much as the next guy. But leaving something like this in the hands of your political opponent does seem a bit much.

  2. The man’s in the wrong. While the comment shows his ignorance, the thought processes that said “send this” are as questionable as the comment itself and the third grade excuses he’s making. Of course he’ll be absolved. I would support his redemption is the same could be expected for all.

    Paula Deen’s non-comment is just as troubling. The fact that such a thing will soon be established as the unforgivable sin should frighten us all. We’ve all sad things that would be considered just as bad on a variety of topics. If these things go unchallenged, we’re all screwed – on both sides of the political spectrum

    Interestingly, a Black minister (50-ish, glasses, graying hair, black jacket with white clerical collar, said on Fox yesterday that Deen could redeem herself if she enrolls in the right diversity classes and makes donations to the proper groups. Reverend Bacon (Tom Wolfe), welcome to Fox News.

    Hopefully Winkler will do the right thing. Not sure what that is, but MN doesn’t need it’s own Joe Biden. Nor does it need battles to the death over stupidity. We’re all stupid at one time or another.

  3. In the interest of non-political correctness, Winkler shouldn’t be recalled…resigning is a decision only he should make.

    My suggestion on his course of action? First thing I would reccommend would be getting a refund on his “education”. Then, don’t attempt to walk back your comment, don’t apologize, don’t say you didn’t realize the context of the comment…simply claim that the tweet was sent by a complete idiot.

  4. I think someone has confused a “topic du jour” with a DFL serving “tangent du jour”.

  5. Geeze Emery Doug, will you brush your teeth before you come in here? The stench of Ken Martin’s ass on your breath is overwhelming.


  6. Did he really say that about Virginia? That state should tweet back “our flag is currently in the state that does mass hangings of Native Americans”.

  7. Isn’t Winkler the guy that’s “uncomfortable” uttering “under God”?

  8. Channel 4’s political reporter (Pat Kessler) did a piece on this last night. He had the standard one camera interview with Winkler going on about he didn’t know the implications of what he said. And then they had a package explaining the origins of “Uncle Tom” and its use connoting “servile blacks, happy in their slavehood”. There was no pointing out that it’s only use today is as an epithet for Conservative black men.
    Since Doug Grow/alter ego “Emery” notes DFL is the the topic du jour – I’m curious… Does the DFL have the same standards as the Food Network when it comes to the use of racial epithets?

  9. @ swiftee
    “Not every flower can say love, but a rose can. Not every plant survives thirst, but a cactus can. Not every retard can read, but look at you havin a go! I dont care if you lick windows, or occassionally shit yourself. You hang in there cupcake, you’re fuckin special, you’re my little buddy! Look at you smiling at your phone or laptop, you crayon eating bastard.’ :^)

    (This is a text that has been fwd many times over. Maybe a few of you have been the recipient or have sent it along to others)

  10. The Brodkorb story was an early Christmas present to the DFL/media (PTR) and a gift that would seem to go on giving, but it strikes me that it has the “legs” of a jockey. It was almost a surprise to see the story resurrected this last weekend, the coverage has been so minmal overall. I don’t know why that would be so, unless there are certain big DFL names who have had affairs and not lost their positions – as Brodkorb avers and the media has no interest in shining too much light on this (hence, the “settle” headline).

    The Winkler story would be huge if it was Bachmann or Franson or Kline or other Republican. Granted, a racist Democrat isn’t “man bites dog” (more like “dog sniffs dog”) but it should get more play. Somehow going on TV and letting Pat Kessler lob marshmallows at you doesn’t seem like enough. Can somebody drive by Winkler’s house and see if the news trucks are parked outside with reporters scouring the vicinity to ask the neighbors how they feel about living next door to a racist?

  11. “I don’t know if $500,000 is going to be enough to get us through the legal bill between now and July 2014 or not,” Senate Majority Leader Tom Bakk
    It seems to me the DFL has plans to keep the issue alive.

  12. God Bless the people that take the time to post witticisms for the witless to cut and paste, eh, Emery Doug?

  13. Good morning cupcake! How’s my little buddy today? Still looking for clues? You’re still special in my book Tom.

  14. So Doug / alter ego “Emery” – the response to my question regarding DFL vs Food Network standards is to retort with a clip from … “Pulp Fiction”? And it’s the post “You shot Marvin” scene where the “N” word is used extensively? From that perspective, I must imagine that to you, calling a black man an “Uncle Tom” is a mere kerfuffle.
    And you are okay with sex discrimination so long as it keeps Republicans on the defensive. Good to know.

  15. That’s odd, I click the link and get the “Shiiiiiiit, Negro!” clip with Samuel Jackson.
    Which is the exact one that I intended to link.

  16. Pingback: “Sharp-Tongued” | Shot in the Dark

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.