Thoroughly Modern

SCENE:  Mitch BERG is waiting for the train at University and Hamline.  

Suddenly, a group of 20 through 60-something women with protest signs and pink “feline” caps rushes across the street, waving signs and chanting chants.  One of them is Moonbeam BIRKENSTOCK, a twenty-something graduate of Saint Olaf, and of Camp Wellstone.  She works as a telemarketer for “Minnesotans United for All Progressive Causes”. 

She notices BERG.

BIRKENSTOCK (Loudly, aggressively):  Merg!

BERG:  Um, hi, Moonbeam…

BIRKENSTOCK:  Women are strong!  We are invincible!  A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle!  We will eclipse masculinity!  We will smash the patriarchy!

BERG:  Huh.  So women who make any sort of claim of abuse…

BIRKENSTOCK:  Must be believed without question or reservation!

BERG:  Huh.  You don’t think that’s already a big contradic…

(But BIRKENSTOCK has already run down the platform, joining a mob stomping on a roll of MEN-tos. 

BERG:  Huh.

(And SCENE)

13 thoughts on “Thoroughly Modern

  1. “You cannot be civil with a political party that wants to destroy what you stand for, what you care about,” Hillary Clinton 10/9/18

    Hillary believes herself to be the leader of the Democrat party and as their leader she intends to keep spreading the “good news” to the faithful (@ $288/ticket):
    https://www.nationalreview.com/news/clintons-launch-speaking-tour-to-provide-insight-into-where-we-go-from-here/
    Maybe they’ll come to the TC

    expect to see spikes in violence in the 13 cities on their list

  2. Whenever Moonbeam makes an appearance, I always hear Morgan Q.E. Wolff-Slattery’s voice.

  3. Bill and Hillary are charging $288/ticket to suppress the attendance of minorities and women.

  4. “You cannot be civil with a political party that wants to destroy what you stand for, what you care about”

    Well there it is. Cankles and I agree on something.

  5. Greg, word on the street is that Bill demands free admittance for women between the ages of 13-21 that wear short skirts or yoga pants without panties.

  6. Swifee, THAT’S FAKE NEWS.

    It is Hillary who demands free admittance for women between the ages of 13-21 that wear short skirts or yoga pants without panties.

    🙂 🙂 🙂

  7. PB, shes more interested in leading the Resistance, the Democratic party might actually still have some morals and values. The Resistance already has zero.

  8. Stuart Smalley is coaching Hillary through her daily affirmations, helping her move on from “It’s my turn” to “Darn it, I’m still relevant!”

    I have to imagine that the upcoming Bill & Hillary (or Hillary & Bill) road show is going to go a lot like the Spinal Tap “Smell the Glove” tour.

  9. NW, well it certainly cant be people like her. Im not sure shes ever been liked, by anyone, ever. Even old Secret Service detail stories about what a raging bitch she was in the mid 90s. Even if she probably was running thing when Bill was off getting his winkey whacked (lord knows she wasnt doing it). Its a wonder what Bill saw in her back in the day.

  10. Also if the movie Pimary Colors is any indication, she probably physically assaulted Bill on a regular basis. If you dont know what Im talking about see the damn movie.

  11. And in related news, Eric Holder urges liberals to “go low” to recover our shared heritage. You just can’t make this “San Francisco” up.

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