Saint Paul, Minnesota
November 22, 2020
For Immediate ReleaseDictator-for-Life Walz today announced a new Executive Order intended to save Minnesota lives from the deadliest virus ever known, Covid-19.
“Some have questioned the wisdom of my Executive Orders, citing downstream consequences as reasons why the Orders should not have been issued and should not be obeyed. These questions undermine public confidence in the government and put everyone at risk of dying in agony. Therefore, effective immediately, no person shall question any of my Orders at any time, for any reason, on pain of imprisonment or deportation.”
In response to Republican claims that the order constituted a prior restraint on free speech which somehow violated the “Constitution,” a spokesbeing for Attorney General Ellison said, “Since the Governor’s order is authorized by statute and has not been overturned by the Legislature, it is presumptively valid. There is ample legal precedent for this measure provided in the Alien Friends and Sedition Acts of 1798. The notion that the Governor lacks the authority to suspend people’s so-called “Constitutional rights” during the time of state-wide emergency is absurd on its face.”
Local ACLU officials called a press conference to support the order, pointing out that Republican Hate Speech is not Protected Speech.
From Saint Paul, Joe Doakes, reporting
The ACLU bit is so close to “not satire at all” that it’s a little scary.
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